I give up.
|4 min read
ZuTheSkunk's avatar
By ZuTheSkunk   |   Watch
3 20 5K (1 Today)
Published: April 5, 2017
So you might have noticed that I haven't been active here at all lately.

The reason for this is that most of the time, I don't have motivation for anything. Nowadays, I rarely can bring myself to draw anything, and I almost never feel like drawing pony. And when I do, it usually ends up being just some random crap that I don't even bother uploading here and instead dump onto my Derpibooru account. It has gotten so bad that I can't even bring myself to do these few commission requests I have gathered. I think at this point I have to just cancel any commissions that I have not yet worked on - deepest apologies to anyone who is affected by this.

The last, well, year pretty much has not been good for me in terms of productivity. I don't think I've done anything of note these past 6 months. The last time I exhibited any kind of excitement and willingness to work hard was when I worked on the anniversary edition of my Five Nights at Vault 5 mod for Fallout: New Vegas - and the said anniversary edition has seldom gotten any response to it, crushing my spirits all the more.

Once there was nothing more to work on in that mod, I was left with nothing to do. I just kept wasting time, thinking about me wanting to do SOMETHING, especially a game in GameMaker, but every time I was either stopping at the stage of vaguely thinking about it, or if I actually tried to start working on it, then any incentive to do so always evaporated the moment I looked at the open GameMaker and considered the amount of things I'd have to do and/or learn in order to make anything. And my overall mood certainly wasn't helped by my 10 year old cat, rest his soul, leaving this mortal coil one week before my birthday.

The good news is that I managed to find a new cat right on the day of my birthday. And eventually we decided to get one more, since I learned from reading things on the Internet that it's better to have two cats, since they aren't as lonely. It's working out pretty well, even if they tend to be troublemakers. Also, about half a year ago I found a job, and I still have it. I sit at home and test whether websites work as intended. It's a decent job, even if I don't find it not nearly as engaging as testing games. I have a source of income, so everything's fine on that end.

Other than that, I discovered the joys of mobile gaming, and have been happily playing Rayman Fiesta Run and Puzzle Quest 2 when on the bus or something. Speaking of the latter, ho boy, the game is ridiculously prone to crashing, and the last two dungeons just keep going on forever, courtesy of excessively long battles with enemies. Thoughts like that made me consider trying to start a game review channel on YouTube, but when I considered the amount of work required, such as the need to record everything, plan everything, and to take notes as you go, the idea fizzled out as well. But anyways, this newfound interest in mobile games made me invest in a tablet (Acer Iconia Tab 8). It seems to work well, and I hope to get to play the soon-to-be-released Planescape: Torment for Android. Oh, and at some point I ended up making an Android version of my Asteroids clone. So there's that, I guess.

I think I'm gonna end this here, because I don't really have anything else to talk about. I guess I just wanted to say... something. Give some signal that I'm still alive.

Even if I'm not sure why.
anonymous's avatar
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JackSpade2012's avatar
"Belly Buttons" makes me chuckle every time
Hovel's avatar
HovelHobbyist General Artist
Never push you to something that that hard, it will just destroy it for you. If you need a break, then do it.

Even if you need a break of 10 years
Gathriel's avatar
Sorry to hear that. Take care, mate.
suziemaggo's avatar
suziemaggoHobbyist Artist
Things will workout for you, maybe try taking a break
from certain stuff and try relaxing. 
We all need a relaxation from time to time so we can
get back out there and do something amazing.
snuggleproxy's avatar
snuggleproxyStudent Artist

But srs like tho, I feel all teh tiem like teh future could be really super bad, or really super awesome like, and which it is depends on how well we handle the present.

Best of luck!
SkullCroos's avatar
SkullCroosHobbyist Digital Artist
Well, that happens, you just have to draw what you like, draw to enjoy, draw when you want. No one is presuring you, no one is forcing you to do anything you dislike.
So just enjoy life ^^
biasedeyes's avatar
State of being for all non-creators... there's no reasonable expectation that anyone do any art at all.
Mikkillerib's avatar
MikkilleribHobbyist Artist
Sounds like you moght need a big break from DA for however long you need.
I wouldn't mind, as its better for you to take it at your own speed.
BoneSatellite's avatar
:iconpinkiepie-plz: Give it time. You'll collect more cats.

I'm glad you're at least mostly okay. I still remember your post about losing that job, and it was very clear how rough that must've been.
PhotonFurry's avatar
PhotonFurryHobbyist Writer
I always do this, but with music instead. I'm dedicated to making music... but I never actually get anywhere doing it. Most I get is playing around with my MIDI keyboard. I never post things. I get great ideas and never work on them. It's hard to just sit down and focus on one idea, or even on music when there's so many things in life that take priority. The thing is, once I really get into it, then that's when I start getting my motivation back and just focus in... but it's breaking through that first little boundary of how to make myself actually keep doing it in a session...
Professor-Sponge's avatar
it sounds like burnout. Maybe you just need to take a vacation from DA and drawing in general.
SazerLite's avatar
SazerLiteStudent Digital Artist
I can agree.
Chatterbeast's avatar
ChatterbeastHobbyist Digital Artist
You can't possibly thinking of leaving us, are you? Please don't...
ZuTheSkunk's avatar
Permanently no, but chances of me uploading anything nowadays are pretty low.
Chatterbeast's avatar
ChatterbeastHobbyist Digital Artist
Oh, okay. I hope you come back soon.
Frostfauna's avatar
FrostfaunaHobbyist General Artist
Woo, Zu's still kicking, even if a bit unmotivated. It'll come back to ya eventually or you'll find something new. One of the two. Have some fun and find something you really want to do.
Lvnnkartistries's avatar
LvnnkartistriesHobbyist General Artist
Shit sucks m8, take a break.
thearstster589's avatar
Just take a break sometimes we all need one.
Zeki-Tak's avatar
Zeki-TakStudent General Artist
I find it hard to do just one thing. I always have to have variety on my work, on both dA and YouTube.

Also, I can understand why you're losing motivation to draw. A lot of people go through that sometimes. Hopefully you find the motivation to do so again in the future. :D
anonymous's avatar
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