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Literature
You're a Mean One
       How often has the family sat down, children, singing along, to watch "How the Grinch Stole Christmas", oblivious to the sinister subtext worming its way into our childhood psyches?
At first, the narrator makes excuses for the Grinch's evil state of being. He claims that it might have been his shoe size or the size of some internal organ having nothing to do with the thought. As he delivers one of these lines, the Grinch performs a rather familiar trick. He rotates his head three hundred and sixty degrees. This motion has also been observed in the movie "The Exorcist" with a person possessed by a demon.
His complaints about Christmas at first only extend to noise and singing. He claims to have been suffering for fifty-three years, so he's had some time to mull it over. But instead of paying a measly seventy-five cents for a pair of earplugs, he creates an elaborate scheme involving a sleigh, what was probably hours of work in sewing, and horribl
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Leewindansen by ZorbaxtheZoontargian Leewindansen :iconzorbaxthezoontargian:ZorbaxtheZoontargian 1 2
Literature
Reservations
It is night. Young Mike lies in a deep sleep, unaware of the horror that was entering his room. The window creaked open, as a thick mist poured in. It slowly took shape. The form of a man. His hair pitch black, his eyes glowing red, he advanced upon the slumbering figure beneath the sheets. He leaned over the bed, poised to sink his fangs into the veins pulsing with life. As Mike slowly gained consciousness, he caught sight of fangs glinting in the moonlight. His eyes shot open and he opened his mouth to scream. As he did, the closet door creaked. The Count stopped. He picked up a bat from mike’s floor and slowly stalked towards the closet. When he reached it, he flung the door open and walloped the figure crouching inside. The figure, in turn, plunged a knife into the Count’s chest. They both looked at each other in surprise and then said simultaneously “What was that for?!”
The Count said “I reserved this room!” as he yanked the knife out of his chest. T
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Literature
If You Give A Hobbit A Ring
If you give a hobbit a ring
If you give a hobbit a ring, he’ll use it for his own selfish purposes
And if he uses it for his own selfish purposes, He’ll use it more
And if he uses it more, he’ll be banished.
And if he’s banished, he’ll hide in a cave.
And if he hides in a cave, he’ll develop split personalities, a weird way of talking, and very pale skin.
and if he develops split personalities, a weird way of talking, and a very pale skin, he’ll only care about the ring, calling it his “precious”.
and if he only cares about the ring calling it his “precious”, he’ll get really attached to it.
And if he gets really attached to it, he’ll freak out when he loses it.
And if he freaks out when he loses it, it’ll attract the attention of another hobbit named Bilbo passing through the cave.
And if it attracts the attention of another hobbit named Bilbo passing through the cave, he’ll put it in his pocket.
And if he puts
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The Ex-General's New Job by ZorbaxtheZoontargian The Ex-General's New Job :iconzorbaxthezoontargian:ZorbaxtheZoontargian 2 4 Zorbax the Zoontargian by ZorbaxtheZoontargian Zorbax the Zoontargian :iconzorbaxthezoontargian:ZorbaxtheZoontargian 1 0 Ibelieve 4 by ZorbaxtheZoontargian Ibelieve 4 :iconzorbaxthezoontargian:ZorbaxtheZoontargian 0 0 Einstein KISS-ified by ZorbaxtheZoontargian Einstein KISS-ified :iconzorbaxthezoontargian:ZorbaxtheZoontargian 1 3
Mature content
Orc Diary :iconzorbaxthezoontargian:ZorbaxtheZoontargian 2 3
iRon Man by ZorbaxtheZoontargian iRon Man :iconzorbaxthezoontargian:ZorbaxtheZoontargian 3 0 iBelieve 3 by ZorbaxtheZoontargian iBelieve 3 :iconzorbaxthezoontargian:ZorbaxtheZoontargian 5 1 iBelieve 2 by ZorbaxtheZoontargian iBelieve 2 :iconzorbaxthezoontargian:ZorbaxtheZoontargian 2 0
Literature
The Geologist and Burnt Fish
Andrew Thompson was asleep in front of the computer, surrounded by the objects of his profession. Boxes of rock samples, wrapped in tissue paper and storage containers with tablets covered in ancient scripts lay in varying states of organization and chaos.
He worked in both Archeology and Geology. But he loved Geology. He liked thinking about the stone’s experiences. It might have witnessed a medieval witch hunt. It might have been used by cavemen to smash nuts. It might even have been stomped on by dinosaurs. Entire civilizations rose and fell while this rock sat in the dirt. Sometimes, he would even go on an archeological dig. He would sit there with a fossil in his hand and marvel at the fact that he was the only human in the history of the universe to ever touch that particular fossil. However, the only time he got to use geology professionally was when he was dating rocks. And he pretty much had to learn hieroglyphics, since he dealt mostly with ancient tablets.
He had spent
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Peekaboo by ZorbaxtheZoontargian Peekaboo :iconzorbaxthezoontargian:ZorbaxtheZoontargian 0 0 iBelieve by ZorbaxtheZoontargian iBelieve :iconzorbaxthezoontargian:ZorbaxtheZoontargian 2 0

Favourites

Literature
The Life Lessons of Mario Kart
The Life Lessons of Mario Kart
Some people may dismiss Mario Kart as frivolous, but it teaches many valuable life lessons. The key lesson is that life is not fair. It also teaches that it is ok to use cheating and violence to get a head in life, and that winning is everything. It has a profoundly religious message: death is not final, you will just re-spawn, like Jesus.
As I was saying, the key lesson, is that life is very unfair. Your skill at driving will not necessarily have anything to do with winning the race. You can go from first to last in a matter of seconds all because some bastard threw a shell at you, or knocked you off the road into to oblivion. Rainbow Road is a really good course for learning to become more bitter about life. Also, Mario Kart shows how much people really hate to see other people being successful. The blue first place shell is a sure fire way to knock that smirk off your face,  Sometimes you get lucky, but it always means someone else is
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Persona 4 - Twilight by UltimaWeapon5 Persona 4 - Twilight :iconultimaweapon5:UltimaWeapon5 2,555 712
Literature
You might be a Redneck Jedi if
You might be a Redneck Jedi if...
1. Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color.
2. You have used your light saber to open and cook a can of pork and beans.
3. You have cut your three foot long grass with your light saber.
4. You think the best use of your light saber is picking your teeth.
5. You have used a light saber to clean fish or open a non-twist off bottle of beer.
6. You have bantha horns on the front of your land speeder.
7. There is a blaster rack in the back of your land speeder.
8. You have been hunting with your military issued blaster rifle.
9. You can easily describe the taste of Ewok.
10. A peaceful meditation session is one without gas.
11. You can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not The Force.
12. You have ever used to force to trick your cousin into going on a date with you.
13. You have ever used to force to trick your cousin into marrying you.
14. You have had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.
15. You have used old French fry oil as fuel for your la
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Down for the Count by JonHoffmanArt Down for the Count :iconjonhoffmanart:JonHoffmanArt 15,724 3,900 Death Note: The Game Show. by eychanchan Death Note: The Game Show. :iconeychanchan:eychanchan 30,079 4,116 Grievous Crosses the Delaware by lk666 Grievous Crosses the Delaware :iconlk666:lk666 761 200 The JOKER by UMINGA The JOKER :iconuminga:UMINGA 5,134 346 DEADPOOL v.2 by UMINGA DEADPOOL v.2 :iconuminga:UMINGA 2,865 138 SPOILER Star Trek Movie by muffin-wrangler SPOILER Star Trek Movie :iconmuffin-wrangler:muffin-wrangler 22 17 frodo the ringwraith by kishokahime frodo the ringwraith :iconkishokahime:kishokahime 1,914 396
Literature
Thriller
I woke up to a zombie drooling on my face, which, on the whole, is not a good way to start the day.
Normally, I'm not a morning person, but the undead have the same affect on me as a cattle prod does.  I go from zero to sixty faster than a Mercedes.  Before I really knew what I was really doing, I had rolled off the bed and grabbed my sixteen inch meat cleaver from under my pillow.
The zombie drooled at me.  He was one of the less fleshy versions I'd seen lately; meaning he was mostly bone with some thick chunks of flesh and a few organs moving things around.  He was also covered thickly in ichor, which was dripping on my carpet and bedspread.  To give you a comparison, imagine a rotting beef joint liberally covered in warm Jello.  
Once again: not the way to start my day.
I shouted a battle cry and lunged at the zombie.  He just sort of groaned and fell over.  I chopped his head off, partly to shut him up,
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How he eats by EmptyShadow How he eats :iconemptyshadow:EmptyShadow 6,080 1,623 Vader Seeks Parenting Guidance by Hapo57 Vader Seeks Parenting Guidance :iconhapo57:Hapo57 219 88 Transforming Wii by Xeno-striker Transforming Wii :iconxeno-striker:Xeno-striker 2,538 352 Relatives? by thazumi Relatives? :iconthazumi:thazumi 5,919 753 Autobots by LivioRamondelli Autobots :iconlivioramondelli:LivioRamondelli 397 97

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deviantID

ZorbaxtheZoontargian
Nunuvior Biezvaks
Antarctica
Current Residence: Mothership
Favourite genre of music: Comedy
Favourite style of art: Humor
Operating System: Windows 7
MP3 player of choice: iPod
Shell of choice: Conch
Skin of choice: Epidermis
Favourite cartoon character: General Greivous
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:iconlk666:
lk666 Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2010
Thank you so much for your favorite!
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:iconginger2000:
Ginger2000 Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2009
Thanks for the :+devwatch:
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:iconhapo57:
Hapo57 Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2009  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the fave on Vader Seeks Parenting Guidance! :D
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:iconzorbaxthezoontargian:
ZorbaxtheZoontargian Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2009
Hey, it was hilarious. What else was I gonna do?

My father never got ME a jetpack either.

*Sniff*
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