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  • Listening to: Nothing
  • Reading: Nothing
  • Watching: Nothing
  • Playing: Nothing
  • Eating: Nothing
  • Drinking: Nothing
I don't want to hear their voices anymore. I don't want to see their faces.

Maybe I'm meant to be alone, since I can't seem to ever make anyone happy.
  • Listening to: Frank Black
  • Reading: I should be reading but I'm not.
  • Watching: a commercial for cocoa puffs
  • Playing: with the idea of finally going to bed
  • Eating: nothing
  • Drinking: nothing
Is still "My Babydoll". That hasn't changed for two or three years, maybe more. The thing that bugs me is that it was something I did back in 2005. I was just a girl that was wearing a pretty dress and decided to take pictures after school, yet that's what they all go for. It doesn't matter now that I'm really thinking, really planning shots and looking for the beauty in life. It doesn't matter that I'm no longer selling my sex. You know how many comments I get when I do update, total? two or three. Back then when I was a pretty young thing taking pictures of me being cute ofcourse I got up to fifteen a day. I'm not mad, and I know not updating regularly anymore has a large affect on it...but it kind of haunts me. I don't want to delete it because so many people like it, hell I still get little messages saying that another person added My Babydoll to their favorites. But everytime I see that I just kind of scoff and roll my eyes, even though its my own work. Maybe I've been changed by art school, I don't know. Maybe I can no longer see the artistic beauty in something so easy to do, so unimaginative. But to me it is just a snapshot, something that belongs in the scrap pile.
  • Listening to: Everything
  • Reading: Prozac Nation
  • Watching: Cowboy Bebop
  • Playing: with my new laptop
  • Eating: saltines
  • Drinking: nothing
How many works are there one here simply titled "Smoking Kills"? It gets a bit tired, doesn't it? I mean i have no problem with people expressing their views, but while searching around for good photos of people smoking I ran into a whole hell of a lot of works called Smoking Kills with the same concept in eachone. There were a few creative, interesting ones, but all those repeats don't leave a mark, just a slight twinge of annoyance.

Okay, just to ellaborate on this even further, I did a search of smoking again to see what I got, and counted 7 works titled "Smoking Kills" by the THIRD page. this is out of thousands of results. Realllllly creative, huh?
  • Listening to: the sweet sounds of Isaac Brock
  • Reading: The Chelsea Whistle
  • Watching: Wonder Years
  • Playing: with my eyebrow piercing
  • Eating: ice cubes
  • Drinking: coke
Over the years I've been here Ive had quite a few suggestions to create a stock account. I would usually just momentarily entertain the idea, and then let it go. Well, now Im deciding to do so. So for any of those interested, you can now access extra photos of mine that Ive taken from various photo shoots, but never used. Be patient, I'm currently working on posting photos.

Link to ZiltzyStock:

  • Listening to: Richard Hell and the Voidoids
  • Reading: Valencia
  • Watching: That 70's Show
  • Playing: with the camera
  • Eating: skittles
  • Drinking: coke
Wow. I can't believe that so much time has passed since I joined Deviant art in 2004. When I first joined here I remember I took so many different photos, not caring whether they were quality or not. I wish that I still had that drive, but just as with my drawings the older I get the more I have to make things as perfect as I can. It's still fun, ofcourse, but now it seems to matter to me more when I dont get any good shots from a photo shoot. I also obviously do not updated as regularly as I used to, but I was not as busy back then. This year I am a Senior, and in a few months I will be out of Highschool completely. In fact, next Thursday I'll be 18! I can't even fathom the fact that I'm supposed to be old enough to do all the things I am currently expected to do. I still feel like a helpless child in the big world. But I suppose I will just slide by, like I always have in life. After all, time wont ever stop even if you are faced with big hurdles, and eventually you will work your way out of the tough places. As a kid and a young adult I always hated school, but now I almost miss it already and it's not even over yet.
  • Listening to: Gina Young
  • Reading: Women's Humor
  • Watching: Pride and Prejudice
  • Playing: with my mind
  • Eating: candy canes
  • Drinking: coke
I truly believe my brain hates me...
Does anyone else think that Gary Busey looks a little like satan?
You know, I had a lot more people viewing my work and commenting on it when I was just a girl taking pictures of myself in pretty little outfits. Now that I have become more serious about my photography, and taken pictures of different things, the comments are slowly subsiding. What does that say about our society?
Ill be back one day.
my great uncle Jim died...he had a heartattack.

please go here:…
what to talk about? i deffinitely feel more at ease the in the last entry i wrote...that night was not a good night. i was in one of those hazy depressions where you dont even remember what you were thinking about the next depression was a drug. Mostly about love i guess. there is a girl Im quite fond of, but things are confusing, as is usual with love matters. things are better now, but we still need to talk more about what shall happen. school is schoolish as usual. Ive been doing my work, busting my ass on homework which is a dream come true if you knew me last year. I get to spend Friday with this girl...and Im sure we will talk a lot. I can tell her everything and a lot more easily then anyone we will talk. im sure we'll talk about what to do with our certain situation and our feelings. long story short: i like her, she likes me, she has a boyfriend, she doesnt know if she can choose. blah. love, right?
i think its kind of interesting that you actually feel depression in your heart. It actually the fact that you're sad makes it hard for you heart to pump blood. sometimes it feels like it hurts so bad it could just stop.
Im sick of you, and Im sick of her, and Im sick of this, and Im sick of what you have to say, and Im sick of being attracted to assholes, and Im sick of my mom, and Im sick of school, and Im sick of this feeling, and Im sick of this anger, and Im sick of what you have to say, and Im sick of you talking to me, and Im sick of your excuses, and Im sick of your false words, and Im sick of people leaving comments only about the person in the photo or the outfit they are wearing instead of the ACTUAL art, and Im sick of feeling bitchy, and Im sick of having to explain, and Im sick of you not understanding what I say, and Im sick of you pretending, and Im sick of how hot it is, and Im sick of the girls in my gym class, and Im sick of you staring at me, and Im sick of you not responding, and Im sick of you just looking at me, and Im sick of you putting your hands on me, and Im sick of being sick, and Im sick of feeling weird, and Im sick of not doing my best, and Im sick of what you pretend to be, and Im sick of you trying to pick me up, and Im sick of hearing all the girls about all the girls you fed the same lines to, and Im sick of reading that book, and Im sick of hearing that song, and Im sick of you telling me that, and Im sick of you comparing me to this, and Im sick of you thinking I am what Im not, and Im sick of you smiling at me like that, and Im sick of you always thinking your so damn ill, and im sick of you asking me for hugs, and Im sick of being so depressing, and im sick of all the things i cant think of right now but im sure Im sick of...
in my house everything seems to go backwards. the teen tries to establish conversation with the parent. the teen stays up late to all hours of the night waiting for the parent to return from god knows where. In the car, the teen turns around and says to the parent, "Will you stop being so immature? Keep your hands to yourself!" The teen tries to talk to the parent, and all they have to say is, "shh...honey im trying to watch this show." The teen says, "we dont have a lot of money, mom, you have to stop buying so much stuff we dont need!" The teen has to say no to un-needed shopping trips. The teen has to pull apart useless, immature fights with immature words between the parents. The teen has to sit down one of the parents and say, "now mom, dad was very nice to you on mother's day, so you should be nice to him since it's father's day."

Funny huh?

really, it's not so funny when it's true.
The good times are killing me.
Here we go!

Got dirt, got air, got water and I know you can carry on.
Shrug off shortsighted false excitement and oh what can I say?
Have one, have twenty more "one mores" and oh it does not relent.

The good times are killing me.

Kick butt buzz-cut dickheads
who didn't like what I said.
The good times are killing me.
Jaws clenched tight we talked all night,
oh but what the hell did we say?
The good times are killing me.

The good times are killing me.
The good times are killing me.

Fed up with all that LSD.
Need more sleep than coke or methamphetamines.
Late nights with warm, warm whiskey.
I guess the good times they were all just killing me.

Got dirt, got air, got water and I know you can carry on.
The good times are killing me.
Enough hair of the dog to make myself an entire rug.
The good times are killing me.
Have one, have twenty more "one mores" and oh it does not relent.
The good times are killing me.
Shit-kicker city slickers who all wanted me dead.
The good times are killing me.

Get sucked in and stuck in late nights
with more folks that I don't know.
The good times are killing me.

The good times are killing me.
The good times are killing me.
The good times are killing me.
The good times are killing me.
The good times are killing me.
The good times are killing me.
The good times are killing me.
The good times are killing me.

(The Good Times Are Killing Me)
+Modest Mouse
Hey everyone, check out my sister's account!
she does some sick CG art and photomanips:

if you dont...Ill kick you in the butt!
It feels so great to be taking pictures again. I always loved photography, but there was that period of time that I just didnt even want to pick up a camera, and I didnt know why. Well, I realized the reason that I wasnt into photography was because I was so damn tired of taking pics of myself!!! Now that I have people to model for me, I enjoy more then I did before. After all, the only reason I took so many pics of me is because I had no one to model for me, and just way too many ideas that I wanted to do. Ive been asking a lot of my female aqquaintances if they would like to model for me recently (like Amanda) and I hope that they will. Obviously you wont see updates from me as much as you used to, but I'll still be here, and doing what I love.

ah yes, and
p.s. didnt anyone notice the redish blondeish brownish whatsit streaks in my hair on my new ID? shame on you all. ;p
Well, I failed to let you guys know I was going before-hand, but I just got back from Michigan. I am so glad to be back in Ohio...I get so homesick. :P Anyhoo, It's not like I dont like Michigan, I do. the climate is better to me since I like windy cool atmospheres, and I love Mackinaw city. We went to Frankenmuth (a supposed German town in Michigan...but after I took my German class I was a bit dissapointed with the lack of authenticity at Frankenmuth). It was allright, basically the whole time i was grumpy because I dont sleep well in Hotels...blah. @_@ i sound so high maintenance. I would have enjoyed Mackinaw city more if my parents hadnt made me go to the island again. Ive been there, and so we did all there was pretty much to do a few years ago. I got some good pics, but thats about it. I probably wouldve enjoyed it more if I wasnt so queasy. First, the ferry ride over there made me a little nauseous, then the whole island pretty much smelled like horse shit since theres no transportation- just horse n buggies. So, Wed be walking and get hit with the smell of shit, then an overpowering smell of fudge, then shit then fudge, then shit then fudge...yeah. well anyways, Im just happy to be home.
just did a major cleaning of my gallery. Nothing too new was deleted, just the old stuff...that i now look at and see as pointless. I like the fact the i have grown so much, and thats just it. I have grown. Ive matured so much, i just want to get rid of some of those old memories. some of the photos were taken at bad times, and i want to move on. Im starting a whole new chapter in my life....
weeel...filled out an application for a job. if i get it it will be my first job. ^.^ Its nothing big...just at the a library aide...meaning: shelving books...and stuff. but the pay is 7.68 an hour...and if I worked the maximum (3 1/2 hours a day cept wednesday and alternating fridays and saturdays) i could be making 160 sumthin a week...wowowowowo. i hope i get it..