"I wish I was as good as you", I tell him, instantly realizing that I sound like a stupid fan. Which I guess I was, but who wants to sound like one?
"You're pretty good. You have the anatomy down", he says. At first I get happy, of course, but then I realize what actually happened.
"Oh, no", I start to explain, "These aren't my pictures. I haven't drawn these."
I proceed with giving him a link to my dA, where the drawings that I've made are located.
It takes him about a minute or two before he replies.
"Haha", he says after the pause. "Yeah, you need some practice."
That's all I can remember from our conversation. It's almost two years ago, now. I still haven't recovered from that. I try to get back into drawing, I try to practice more, but his laugh and that comment damaged me so deep that I can't even draw a single line before I feel like a failure. I've managed to draw a couple of times, but after each time, I always have at least a month's pause before the next time I try. That such a small, idiotic thing could do damage so deep is still surprising to me. The fact that I considered him an idol and his skills a goal probably caused it to damage deeper than it normally would've, though.
I want to give up, find something else to focus my energy on, because I don't know if I can do this anymore. I don't feel like I'm moving forward, especially not now that he made me practically stop drawing. I don't know how to recover from this and I don't know if it's worth trying to, to be honest.
Seeing his art makes me bitter, even though I still love it.
Is it even worth it?