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Daily Deviation
Daily Deviation
January 8, 2013
Fifty by *zephyrtronium "portraits the inner struggle born from what you don't want to want, but still do in a very straight forwarded way," says the suggester.
Featured by thorns
Suggested by Lintu47

Literature Text

Please understand: I do not want
to want this (you).

I realized at poem nineteen-of-fifty:
You (college-borne) are a new you,
I (weaponized) am a new me,
and the new me still wants the new you.
I'm sorry. I thought maybe, after enough time, I would learn to move on, but I guess I was wrong.

I read exactly fifty poems you wrote while I was gone. If I still have to capture a surge of jealousy each time I read the word sex, or kiss, or hold, then I can't read those words anymore. If I still wonder whether any of the stories I read were about me, then I can't read those stories. If I still wish I had a chance, then I can't take one.

I'm sorry.
© 2012 - 2021 zephyrtronium
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candyexorcist's avatar
:star::star::star::star: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star: Vision
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star: Impact

I've never seen anyone sum up that feeling (it really doesn't have a proper name, does it?) as succinctly, clearly and devastatingly as you have here. I hate saying something is fresh because it sounds so Hollywood, but this is: like a blast of cold wind, it wakes me up and shocks me back into feeling alive.

Scored you so high on vision because I know it's truthful (and on impact for obvious reasons); originality is hard to come by no matter what subject you take on, but you did a great job of keeping away from cliches, which also plays into the technique. The simplicity and brevity is just right: like you know it needs to be said, but it's too painful to linger on for long.

I'm sorry you have those feelings, but I'm also grateful that you've chosen to take them and turn them into a beautiful piece of literature that will remain in my mind for a long time. I'll be showing this piece to my friends, and I hope they're as struck and moved by it as I was.
zephyrtronium's avatar
Thank you. I'm glad you enjoy this so much, and it really means a lot to me that you would take the time to write this. :aww:

One thing for which I always strive is originality. I almost find clichés repulsive. (In fact, I even somewhat dislike the last line of this, but I can't think of any better way to express myself.) I guess I accomplished my goal.

I also believe that simplicity is beauty. I remove everything redundant or insignificant from my poetry. Perhaps I'm just a minimalist, but I generally feel it makes it better.

Again, thank you. I really appreciate this. c:
candyexorcist's avatar
You're very welcome! I just wish I could have done justice to it.
RestlessSands's avatar
after perusing your wonderful poetry, i keep coming back to the succinctness of this :heart:

such goodness! keep writing! :juggle:
zephyrtronium's avatar
Hello! How are you today?
RestlessSands's avatar
it's very friendly, but i have a sneaking suspicion you ask everyone this... 0.0' haha;)

you know what, today is just filled with :shamrock:s and :butterfly:s

AquaticCat226's avatar
This makes my eyes tear up every time I read it.
zephyrtronium's avatar
That could be a sign that your vision requires correction. Have you considered seeing an optometrist?
AquaticCat226's avatar
Hahaha! Doubtful. It's just very touching and makes me wander through some old memories.
zephyrtronium's avatar
That could be even more dangerous than poor vision. Although I'm fairly certain that it's less likely to cause car accidents.
Sigma-Echo-Seven's avatar
Interesting dichotomy between "college-borne" and "weaponized." I grokked the intent immediately. Well played.
zephyrtronium's avatar
I'm pretty sure that grok is one of the best words. Thank you for using it and also for reading. c:
Mattsma's avatar
I understand this.....thank you for putting it into words :love:
zephyrtronium's avatar
Thank you for reading and understanding. c:
meganbednarz's avatar
The comment is as poetic as the poem itself.
zephyrtronium's avatar
I thought the poem deserved an explanation. Of course, since I have difficulty expressing my emotions without hiding behind pretty words and poetic techniques, that's how it came out.
Damn... damn....
zephyrtronium's avatar
Unfortunately, my powers of damnation were revoked.
I see my stunned reaction has been reversed for comedic effect on its meaning. Good show, sir.
zephyrtronium's avatar
Luciferica's avatar
To let go of dreams and desires, and live in the 'will be' instead of the 'might have been' is difficult but necessary, I saved all the letters written and the cards, but one day I set them aflame and released the tears my heart had saved. It was therapeutic to let go of the booze filled haze and wasted moments and to breathe me again..maybe someday you can breathe you again too. Good luck.
zephyrtronium's avatar
Thank you. I think that writing this was really what I needed to move on. Even if it wasn't, well, it worked. :dummy:
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