I need to get things off my mind I think. Get thoughts out of my head since there's a lot of them in my strange head. And a fair bit of them have been bothering me as of late.
So, where to begin?
I don't feel like much of an artist lately. I haven't been drawing much at all. In fact the one thing I've been trying to draw I keep feeling as if it just looks terrible. I've tried multiple times but I just never like how they sketches come out. I have other ideas for drawings too but none are fleshed out, they are pretty rough ideas, and when I try to figure out how to go about drawing them, I end up staring at a blank page for far too long. Not to mention my procrastination problems. I seem, no not seem. I spend too much time playing video games. or just being on the computer in general. It is an addiction and one I'm miserably failing to stop. That being said I often have hard time figuring what else to do. I live in the middle of nowhere, with nothing nearby, and no one to do nothing with. I mean I have a few friends I can hang out with sometimes, but there's only so much you can do in a town with nothing in it. And admit-ably, a good of my friends are people I've never met in the real world. Mostly from PMU. Ak. I'm starting to drift off topic again. Anyway, I need to find more time to practice drawing. Try and get some art up, and get the idead out of my head and on paper.
Man typing in the dark is hard.
Work has been getting progressively worse. Or at least it seems so to me. Seems more and more I'm getting less and less shifts. And here I thought during the summer I would be getting a lot. How foolish. Now I know its because there's a lot of dishwashers now. I think like 5 or 4. But it still bothers me. And, unsurprisingly, I'm starting to Really dislike being a dishwasher again. No surprise there. Though less so whenever I'm working with someone. I think that may be because its a really lonely in the dishpit alone. and in instances like that,while I'm doing boring things, I tend to get a bit stressed. Though its not just the dishes and loneliness that gets to me. I mean there's little things that eventually build up. For example. We are told to NOT leave garbage bags outside and to take them to the dumpsters. So I always make sure to do this. But it seems every shift, before I start there's like 7 bags of garbage left outside. Like they are too lazy to bring it up to the dumpster. It take maybe 5-10 minutes for me to Walk it up there. And we have a truck and golf cart. I mean even if they put it into the back of the truck like my boss asks me to do I wouldn't be so pissed. Thought lately I'm starting to thing its not morning dishwashers doing it. Bah this is starting to turn into a rant.
Anyway, I've come to the sad conclusion that until I get my drivers licences and a car, This is the only job opportunity I'll have in this town. or at least the only one I can get to without much hassle. And I don;t see me getting one very soon.Least not without first reading. A lot.
Finally, there's one more thing that's been gnawing at the back of my mind. Well not just one but I'd rather not get too wordy with this journal. On Monday, July 30th, 2013, my great grandmother passed away. At the very old age of 93. Me and my family knew it was coming. But it still bother me. This is the first time that someone I knew personally for many years died. And so my mind the past few days have gone to some of the thoughts that it usually thinks of when someone dies. Mainly what happens. Like after death, if there is an after death. In fact that's the one think I hate thinking about the most. and often I'll scare myself when thinking about it too much. I mean there are many theories. But all have one thing in common. No one knows if they are true. No one living anyway. So I think that though is lingering in my head a bit. and the whole thing has been bothering me, though Not directly. Its kinda like the feeling of something bother you but you not knowing what it is.
I think that should be it for now. Too much silent late night typing is not good for ones brain. Especially at 2:!2 am in the morning. Oh well.