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The last entries have been heavy.  Beard heavy. 
My beard held so much conviction, purpose clout.  It was just growing and growing.  My ego attachment to it too.  The beard had become evil. 
That said not all beards, evil.  Just this growth.
It was because of that, it was time, it had to go. 

   The Gigantic Beard That Was Evil

So I cut it off, cast it out.  
Let the warm sun flow on my shaven face.  Feel young again.  Because last night I felt old.  Too old.  Not in touch with my child.  The one Love wants us to be.  Free.  Depending on the goodness, of being.  Letting go of a past that comes back in the darkest of dreams.  Fading it away.


"Seems like I spent the past three years,
just struggling with these ideas.
And the more I learn,
the less I really know.
But to the things I do, I will hold tight.
Because I didn't win them
without a fight.
It's all I have and I'm not letting go.
I've never been less perfect than today.
Is my heart or is my mind
what's in the way?
I'm listening with nothing left to say.
Savior make this dimness fade away."


" Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?  Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?  And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:  And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.  Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?  Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?  (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.  But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.  Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof."


Largely, this heavy bearded self reflection came from reading this book, A Sudden Light, about curses and haunting.  It reminded me of my Mother's passing on this day, the 17th, in November.  It reminded me of the upcoming rising of the moon, the emotional pull that it brings.

"April's full moon is known as the Pink Moon, according to the Old Farmer's Almanac. The name comes from pink flowers that bloom in the early spring, known as ground phlox."

“One’s nature comes from within, not from without. The abomination occurs in subverting one’s instinct in favor of a rigid code written by others. Trying to force yourself into a role that confounds your spirit will always break you.” 

I must tread carefully, pray on if truly, ever truly where my role is in the next moments of this life.  I am blessed, so blessed to be able to choose, be.  Beard or not.  God is so Good.

My cup flows over, truly.

"You want God but you can't deflate your ego
If you're already there then there's nowhere to go
If you're cup's already full then its bound to overflow
If you're drowning in the water's and you can't stay afloat
Ask Hashem for mercy and he'll throw you a rope
You're looking for help from God you say he couldn't be found
Looking up to the sky and searchin' beneath the ground
Like a King without his Crown
Yes, you keep fallin' down
You really want to live but can't get rid of your frown
Tried to reach unto the heights and wound bound down on the ground
Given up your pride and the you heard a sound
Out of night comes day and out of day comes light
Nullified to the One like sunlight in a ray,
Makin' room for his love and a fire gone blaze
Makin' room for his love and a fire gone blaze."

Let it flow.

#SELFIE Dva Selfie Tara Strong- Must Be Friday *REQUEST* But first...let me take uh selfie ~ Nathan Drake Filthy Frank-Selfie   

"This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. 

For men shall be lovers of their own selves
, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, high minded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away. For or of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts, Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth. Now as Jannes and Jambres withstood Moses, so do these also resist the truth: men of corrupt minds, reprobate concerning the faith. But they shall proceed no further: for their folly shall be manifest unto all men, as theirs also was."

Be it known, all life, all beings are made to be known not for themselves for themeselves but to glorify that eternal infinite Love that is within.   Anything less, is Selfie-ish.

Anything less is killing the youth.
The US suicide rate has increased 30% since 2000, and tripled for young girls. 
The self is an illusion, perhaps the greatest illusion.  The baby at the breast knows no difference from themselves and their mother.  They are one.  So should we be one with that Love, that infinite eternal Love that is all of us.  Sharing it, giving touch. 

For as great and knowledgeable the Internet is, it cannot touch, nor speak the way I speak, you speak, beyond these screens and projected dreams.


Everyone has a religion, a yoga, spirituality, a body, heart to be minded.

It is the very nature of our beings.

Even the agnostic nihilist believes.   In nothing.  Yet, by even saying they believe in nothing, the power of a belief in nothing creates something.

In nothing is still everything.  Even as the zero is nothing and everything.

Thus, we cannot escape.  We were created to believe.   To produce.  

Those who do not believe this, wither and are not so much destroyed as they are transformed into another energy space.

So we cannot escape that we are bound by the limitations of our bodies and kept in this finite state to understand the infinite.

What of the infinite?  What of it's nature?   So much has been written, given on this topic.  

Yet, even with all of my own writings they burn under a single word that raises us from the fire:  Love.

It is Love that redeems us.  Which is why I give my Love to Christ, Jesus.  Though, that said, my relationship is my own.  My own personal dialogue.

I wish not so much to be called a Christian as I wish to be called a Lover of that which is Love.   Titles can be misleading and so many of our sisters, brothers and mahu of the road have been hurt by those who call themselves Christian.

Reformation is needed now more than ever.

To see that Love, not as interpreted by Nicean Creeds, religious supposition,  story interpretation or even Sacred Texts.  For these are just words and the word is only given validity in the Heart of Charity.  

So while I do appreciate the muse of philosophy understanding, it proffers me nothing if I have not charity, Love for my fellow man.


We all have belief systems, our own religious orders.  But so few actually practice that they preach.

I no doubt struggle this.  By taking upon the will of Jesus Christ I have given myself a lofty measure of myself.   I too, have fallen at times to be a hypocrite.   Yet, I do not cherish this state.  I cry out for the Love of redemption.  For the Love of Christ.

I no doubt those in the world with me struggle this, too.  Whatever belief system they have, to hold it, no matter what it is can be difficult.

Even the individual who believes in complete narcissism, self indulgence hedonistic ways struggles to hold themselves up to that way given time. 

Why?  Because all beliefs we hold struggle.   The ones that last, truly last the testament of time are built in Love.

Thus, this, why we should honor beliefs that are built in charity, Love.  For given the stirrings, shifting, movements and ways of this world - they are the only ones that have a foundation to keep us well beyond these bodies of flesh, in Spirit.


What do you believe?  Do you believe in Love?  Who is your master?  Who do you follow?  

The answer to these questions forms this, our reality.

I find myself drawn back once again to Love.  Divine Love.  The Love that Christ offered all by not only dying on the cross, but raising from the tomb.

That we may redeemed in the Womb of the Almighty.

I've tested many masters.  Wandered many ways.  Love, Divine Love has never left me, though many lovers have.  I choose to follow Love.  For Love has never failed.

It is the Charity of my Heart.
I hope yours, too.

Aloha, Hawai'i. 

Aug 22 - April 11.  7 months, 20 days.  Let's round that down and take off the 20 days when I went to the mainland.   

7 Months in Hawai'i. 

That is how long I have been here.   So take my brief insight for what is worth.  7 months. 

It does have Love, so much Love no doubt.   

One way is through the reset of the day.  Every time you go to sleep on this island it seems the day before fades away.  Every day thus, becomes a new day. 

While this is paradise for some, it leads to problems for others. 

For if one gets drunk, stoned or overly elated then one needs not feel the accountability for their actions with the reset. 

The reality is that paradise has a flaw, or perhaps, rather, a portal.  Of course, we humans have learned knowingly or unknowingly to exploit this portal.   

This portal can be chosen to check out of the sorrows of life and remain in that which is considered bliss.     

To simply go about never facing the darkness that was before.  Only looking to the hereafter.   

Of course, this is a push back from the culture normative in Christian culture everywhere else.   

That is, everywhere else is a constant reminder of our fallen state.  Our need to go to the cross with Christ. 

I have been told that God is everywhere and given this idea of separation from the land.  I find this to be very dishonest and the core of the problem we face in our environment. 

This earth lives and Loves just as we live and Love.   There are some pockets of earth that are far more comfortable, perhaps at times too comfortable for us. 

So we find the nature of God regulates.   

Brings the lava, pushes out the people. 
Some cry unjust.   Others simply accept, teary eyed.  We all wonder why.  There is no simple understanding, these things. 

I just know my truth and hope it is being refined to be God's truth through Jesus Christ. 

That truth being:  I can remain in paradise Hawai'i and have every day be a reset.    It is easy to do that on some level. 

But on a greater level, on a more personal level, I see the world my friends are in across the sea on the distant Port.   

I see the problems they face and the solutions this Heart, this Hawai'i has given in my heart.   

I hear the bicycles in the streets, the beats blazing and the struggle for many.   Portland is their hold out, everywhere else rejected them.     

Suicide is a reality few would like to face.  Portland faces it on a daily.  People flock there to find themselves and be accepted, fully accepted and for a time they are accepted. 

But there is always something more.  A longing.  That the organizations, all of them have failed so much, even the radical ones what is left to trust? 

That is a personal walk. 

I personally have found that for me it is to walk with Christ.  To see the light in all the lives the live before me in all their beautiful colors and shades are of the same Love. 

I am not coming back to Portland to save it from itself.  I am going back to find the next piece in the puzzle and place what has been in my heart so many years: 

A prayer to start Homemore and end Homeless. 

Whether that takes me a summer, a season or years into the unknown, I know not. 

All I know is I am set to walk and depend greatly on prayer, God and Love to bring a light that stirs in me. 

That perhaps we can join the hands of all the faiths for this cause.  You know my Master, Christ; I can however, respect yours as they are given to those same stirrings of desire of Him:  To give Charitable Love, the greatest gift of them all. 

I feel like I am leaving Heaven.  Not so much for Hell.  Rather, I'd like to think of it as hello.     

A letter, a verse, something beyond a curse. 

Hello, Portland. 
We meet again, for the first time. 

Let's ride bikes and revolutionize our nights and days as a meditative prayer for that highest ideal:  Charitable Love.   

As is above, so is below seeds to sow. 


See you in May-ish. 
June, for sure. 
God willing.

Aloha, indeed.