Wow....last time I really updated my journal was what? Eight months ago give or take? Hmm, well here's an update on my life as so far as I am trying to come to terms with reality.
I haven't really done anything artsy nor wrote anything that I deem worthy enough to even post up and this stupid creative writing class is a little above useless.
Well, here I am in April, almost done with my freshman year at college, made new friends for life and all that other true stereotypical crap (Though I don't smoke nor drink for the sake of drinking). I am trying to be as cynical, pragmatic, and relatively quiet as I prefer, but that is largely failing due to the crazyness that happens when you live in a world away from parents, home, and worry. It's hard to be cynical when everyone else around you has been brought up in different settings.
College for me has mostly been trying to come to terms about my own life, that I am out here away from a familiar environment. Trying to figure out what pushes me to achieve and want the success that I so desperately seek, but fail to act on. Aristotle called this Eukrasia, when I know what the right thing to do is, but I fail to act on it. Here, I only have myself to do work, no one pushing me, no one caring if I do it, and my own agendas that I have to set.
While it's true that it sucks to be a kid, it sucks even more to be an adult, where your life is dependent on your success, not whether it pleases your parents or gets you a good grade in high school. Freedom is Slavery. While I can do a lot more things that I wasn't allowed to do previously or go where ever I want, when I go home, I worry about the health of my parents, their
financial status, the mortgage of my home, the bills, and whether or not I have enough money to travel around the city. I thought about these things in high school, but the weight of it never fell on me. Now's it's precariously dropping inch by inch onto my shoulders as each year passes, as I grow closer towards making a life for myself, its shadow is heavy already.
But I digress, rather negatively too, so things on the opposite end of the spectrum.
I am part of my college's gymnastic club and I think I'm rather good for someone who only started five months ago, I can do a backflip now
. I am also treading into parkour style stuff, like wall flips and jumping off ledges and going into a roll. I also got elected as secretary of club which means I have to uphold the standard set by the previous secretary, bringing in mail two months late and encouraging bad ideas
. I'm a Julian-clone as I termed it.
Before I had somewhat of an idea as to what I want to do with my life, now I am just confused in every way possible and the path has allowed me to experiment. After talking with my adviser and professors, I might be doing a triple major in which I might kill myself but will definitely put me on the path at what type of career I want. It's not about what I have to do for the rest of my life, it's what makes me happy at the end and what I enjoy. In high school, it was rigid, with a tight discipline that totally squashed experimenting with classes. College has left that option wide open like the proverbial pie on the window sill.
And that's pretty much my college experience in a nutshell, I would start ranting about politics but that would quintuple the size of this journal and I need my fingers for the various papers I have to write.
Oh yea one last thing for you college bound high schoolers, develop good work habits now, along with a good sleep schedule, and take as many AP classes as you can, because once you hit get to college, you're being dumped from a place that allows no room for creativity to a place that requires it (not just artistic creativity). Because, if you are dorming, you will find that you have so much spare time it's ridiculous.