The thing with depression is that it never really goes away.  It's like a virus - ready to surface when you're already worn down and stressed out. Always in your system, sometimes active, sometimes dormant.  Good days, bad days. 
As artists, depression is a roommate we can never get rid of, but one we do have to learn to live with.

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zaionczyk's avatar
By zaionczyk
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Kerberusz's avatar
Yeah, I know it.
kellydewinter's avatar
So true, A lot of wisdom in your post.
FandomFoodie's avatar
I feel that.  I'm grateful for art to give us a creative outlet to deal with these emotions.
zaionczyk's avatar
well, for me it's the opposite.  Depression has stolen my muse away from me.  I have to really work hard for even the most simple of sketches these days or look to new mediums like painting or sewing or writing and even that takes a lot of work to get the momentum to even begin the smallest project.
FandomFoodie's avatar
That's so sad.  Does anything help?
zaionczyk's avatar
yeah, I am managing through it.  It's taken a long time to get here and lots of trial and error.  Journaling, exercise, and lots of self-care.  
I am still different than before the depression and my art is not even close to being where it once was, but I'm trying to get to know the new me.
FandomFoodie's avatar
Knowing oneself is very important.  I'm still working on that myself.  You do what you need to do.  Love you, friend.
vincentursus's avatar
Allow me to join those expressing sympathy and support.
zaionczyk's avatar
Thank you very much for the support - it really does mean a lot!  I hope you never need to go through this yourself, but if you do, I wish you all the same support that I've been getting!  it's amazing
phantom-inker's avatar
I have several very close friends who fight depression, and I know it's not easy. Hopefully you have medication that helps, and are seeing someone about it. Depression isn't easy, but you can beat it back enough that you can be you again.

And positive reminders help too: Lots of people love you, and lots of people love your work. You're an awesome person, and I still to this day check every couple weeks in hopes that there'll be something new posted there. Good wishes and prayers to you, sue-chan, and just keep telling yourself that you'll win, because you will!
zaionczyk's avatar
Thank you very much for the sympathies and suggestions!  I've been on a few medications and tried talk therapy, but for me it is more of a hormonal imbalance that sets it off and the meds didn't help with that.
Depression has mostly destroyed my art muse the past few years, so I wouldn't hold out for anything new on the site.  Right now it is just storage and a place for Dragon Con photos.  Dont' get me wrong, I'm still trying to find ways to be creative, but when depression shatters you and you have to put yourself back together, the pieces don't always fit the same and the "new me" has had to find different outlets - short stories, sewing, letter writing, painting, journaling... not so much with drawing.

Thank you though very much for the good wishes and prayers!  It's not so much about winning or losing, just learning to live my best life with this part of me that will never go away.  Depression won't leave, but I'm going to continue to try to cope with it and manage through it as best as I can.
DarkStoryteller21's avatar
Let me tell you a story. One day, a man walks down a road. On this road was a bridge and on this bridge was another man. This second man looked like he was on top of the world, like he had everything going for him. But, there he was, standing on the bridge.

As the first man stepped onto the bridge, the second man climbed up onto the railing and looked like he was going to jump. The first man walked up to the second man and started talking. At first, it was little things like the weather, the guy's name and so on. As time went on, as it wants to do, the second man wanted to know why the first man was trying to stop him.

"Because, my friend, you are not alone." The first man said as he pulled up his shirt sleeves and showed the second man a pair of scars on his wrists.

The moral of the are not alone, zaionczyk... :)
zaionczyk's avatar
Thank you very much.  It's good to know that others do understand what it's like.  I'm thankful it hasnt' been bad enough for me to feel suicidal, but some days are incredibly frustrating and I want to run away like a hobo on a cargo train.
It won't be this bad forever.  Nothing lasts forever. 
Just gotta hold on to my friends and find patience until the better times reveal themselves!  We'll get there!
Thank you for the story and the support!
DarkStoryteller21's avatar
No problem. From one weird wingless dragon to one down on her luck kitty/human hybrid...The only one you have to fight, is the person staring back from the mirror in the dark of the night. The only place you have to go, is where you think you can do the most good for all. And finally, believe in both yourself and those who you surround yourself with...nine times out of ten, they do something both unexpected and wonderful.

Oh, and one more thing...never cook steak with high explosives, it leaves a mess just everywhere. ;)
qxvw198's avatar
I found an interesting book recently, although the title may be overselling it:

"The Depression Cure" by Stephen S. Ilardi, PhD

It has several non-medication ways to help manage depression.  The book is rather anti-medication but I personally find my antidepressant medications very useful.  Anyway, I just thought that you might find the book helpful.
zaionczyk's avatar
Thank you very much for the suggestion!
I've tried medications and I've tried talk therapy, but neither really help me.  the meds had negative side effects, but no positive ones.

For me, going to the gym, journaling and practicing gratitude have helped the most, but I'll have to check out the book to see what other options I can explore.
FaxPaladin's avatar
Always remember: Depression lies.

Deepest GoodThoughts from someone who's back on insurance, and therefore back on meds, and therefore, for a good couple of months now, hasn't felt like he was always about to break into tears for no particularly good reason...
zaionczyk's avatar
Depression's lies are the WORST!  they're so easy to believe because they come from a place you want to trust - your own mind!  why would my own thoughts betray me?  well, that's depression.
I try to be conscious of it and remember that it is just temporary when I'm in a slump.  I try to be conscious of what I need to get myself through it or back on track.
It ain't easy as you know.
I'm glad you're back on insurance and meds and I hope things even out for you sooner than later!
*hugs of encouragement*
singory's avatar
your one step in the right path

never ignore it or think its nothing 
zaionczyk's avatar
Thank you very much - it's a path I've been on for a handful of years now, and it is something that occasionally slips under the radar and I don't realize it's there until I'm waist-deep in it!
but I can still get through, and I appreciate the support!
EarlMcClaw's avatar
Depression, alcohol, chocolate. Once they've hooked you, you're never rid of them.
zaionczyk's avatar
Depression is totally addictive!  you're absolutely right!  Thankfully of the three, chocolate is my one true love, and I could take or leave the others ;)
I wish you more chocolate than depression, my friend!
EarlMcClaw's avatar
Eep! Careful with those wishes, I'm a recovering chocoholic!
(But then again, less than just a little would be an acceptable amount of depression.)
jkrolak's avatar
But remember, Depression is also a coward. It seems to always wait to strike you at your weakest. It knows exactly when and where to strike to cause, the most pain, inflict the greatest hurt, the most suffering. You're right, depression will always be there in our lives.

But that doesn't mean we have to let it dominate our lives. For some, will power alone can keep it at bay. For others, friends, family, faith, fans, or sometimes even a kind word from a stranger will drive off this monster. When necessary, doctors can prescribe medication or counseling as a stronger defense.

No matter how dark Depression may attempt to paint the future, there are many who can help turn the lights back on when given the opportunity,
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