People tell me they are there for me and yet it doesn't feel like it. I wish I can just pick myself up and be strong like everyone keep saying.. How can I? It feels like someone has injected poison in my soul, the pain killing me softly every minutes. After all that I am already going through with a troubled family, I go through trauma everyday, why do I just put my trust into anyone like that? Why do I even believe my life will get better one day? Or him..just being the perfect one and yet does this...I feel so hurt, I am crying whilst writing this because I am really lost already. I don't want people telling me they will be my friend but are not my real friend. Even if someone is going through a painful situation, please talk to me..It helps me to help others too, it helps feeling important and useful..I am very grateful for the support I have been getting but it doesn't feel like anyone understands how much I really could use a friend. I thank everyone who has tried with me, I am complicated but thank you very much.
I miss him so much, I have nightmares, I really wish and hope I can still find help one day and be the old me. Even though he has done this to me, I worry so much about him, I care for him so much and I just wish he understands me, I wish he cared about me like I thought he did and loved me? I don't even know how someone can say they love me and yet does this to me? All we did was had a small fight, I said some mean things, I was out of my mind because I am stressed, that doesn't mean I need to be punished like I killed someone or cheated on him. I accepted him back in my life like a fool, yet I thought he would show that he really loves me..It hurts, memories of him is killing me because he is gone now..our future together torn apart like its nothing..like all of this was just words, like all of them did to me. I am such a fool to think that I am good enough for someone,
I always do so much and yet it never seems enough for anyone, I am complicated. I need fixing so badly and when I talk to people, it helps me so much and I don't know if anyone realizes this but it can save me more than anyone can think of.
Thank you everyone for trying to help me, I appreciate all of it but please be real to me.
- Playing: nothing anymore
- Eating: Nothing
- Drinking: nothing
I just started watching you, and I generally just lurk quietly on DA, but after reading your last few posts I've got to say something.
The way he cut you off was a shit thing to do. You didn't deserve that. No one does, and you had every right to be worried. After a two-year relationship where you can't exactly walk down the street to check on the person you love, sudden silence is terrifying. You get it in your mind that something horrible has happened, and it makes you feel helpless. But don't drive yourself crazy over wondering why it happened. Center yourself by asking what you're doing to do next.
Ex's have a knack for sucking the life out of you, even when they're not there. The more you think about him, the more energy you lose. So stop. Breathe. Look around and take stock of your surroundings. If you're at home, odds are there are things nearby that make you happy. A beloved pet. Your tablet. Artwork, books, hobbies, a trinket you bought simply because it made you smile and you just had to have it. Whatever those things may be, take a moment to enjoy them. Even without your ex, you still have those things. You can still find joy in them. Don't let his ghost take that away from you.
It's been a while since this happened, and I sincerely hope some of the pain has edged off a little. Don't expect to feel completely back to normal this fast, though. It takes time to get over a relationship, and for some people, it can affect them for years. But here's what you need to remember: you know that stabbing ache in your chest? The one that gnaws at you at night, makes you tear up, and churns in your stomach until you think you're about to throw up?
Don't let it fester inside you. Don't let it consume your life to the point where you can't find happiness anywhere else. When you feel it eating at you, cool yourself off with a glass of water, look yourself in the mirror, and tell yourself that you are strong. You don't need to lean on someone else in order to stand tall. You lived without him once, and you can live without him again. You need to take that poison he left inside of you and start sucking it out, bit by bit. And if you find you're still struggling, if you really can't stand on your own, get help from someone who makes a living from helping people just like you.
I'm serious. There is no shame in seeking out a therapist. They exist solely to help people who are being overwhelmed with stress. They are the best people to talk to, because they know exactly what to say. The support of friends is wonderful, but sometimes it's still not enough. My sister let her anxiety strangle her for years before she finally worked up the courage to ask for help from a therapist. It was the best decision she ever made. Maybe it will help you. Maybe it won't. Either way, laying in bed and crying every night isn't going to make you feel any better. That only shows that he still has power over you. Take that power back. This is your life, and you deserve to live it with the same joy and dignity as anyone else - and that goes for anyone else reading this who's suffered through the same experience.
Don't blame yourself. Hell, don't even blame him. All this time you're wasting on pining for someone who's treated you like shit could be better spent on treating yourself like gold. Instead of looking back, look forward. The world is waiting for you. Embrace it.
Good luck, Zaina. I wish you the best.
1) Those who want to give you whatever you say you need.
2) Those who want to give you what THEY think you need.
There's benefit in both of these things, because people in the #1 camp might be too shy to say some harsh truths said by the #2 camp.
But the #2 camp suffers from a bit of limited empathy, in my opinion, because it's one thing to hand someone a map. It's another for them to walk that path, and while they are walking that path, might they be a bit more fragile, might they need a bit more support than at any other time in their lives?
To say that the problem is that you shouldn't NEED people misses the point entirely. You've diagnosed at least one problem--there is a big gap here, a gap between when you were talking to someone all the time, 24/7, and now, where you're left alone to suffer with your thoughts, cut off from the world.
I can see why you want people, why you NEED people to talk to right now. Because you're on the path. You've been handed a map, you know where you're supposed to go, and what things should look like when you get there. And there's some valuable information given by the group #2 people out there that you should consider.
But those people should also consider that just because the path out of your distress seems like an easy solution to them, they still should be cognizant of the fact that they are talking to someone who is struggling, who is very weak right now, and who just needs a bit of support, patience, understanding, and compassion. Above and beyond whether they think you should just "get over it" or not.
Of course you should get over it. On your own timeline. There is no point at which anyone should be over grief. It's a process, and it takes time.
In the meantime, I (and others) are happy to give you all the support you need, because we care....until you don't need us quite so much anymore. And that's okay.
You are the only one who can fix yourself up and order your mind to stop its shitty thoughts.
You are, even now, trying to find excuses for his unacceptable behaviour and hanging to ideas that are not going to happen. He was a mistake, no matter how hung up on him you were. You didn't understand that the last time he dumped you without reason, you took him back against any good sense! You are NOT going to get better until you see him like a normal human being, and not this idolized version of a dream!
And no, you are not going to be of use to anybody while you are not even of use to yourself right now! You complained of him always putting himself down, and yet here you are, abusing yourself! All of this why? Because he's a shitty human being, that's why!
He dragged you down with him!! And let me tell you something that you better remember: if after getting with someone, you notice that you are getting away from friends and that he became everything to you, RUN! That is called a dysfunctional relationship! That is what you had! If you do everything FOR HIM, then he sucked out your personality to the point where you have nothing for yourself!
It will only get better if you CHOSE to make it better. Nobody in the entire world can make you take that decision. But more than a friend right now, you need a waking call!
HOWEVER, don't expect friends to be the solution to your problem. *You* are your solution (time helps too), your decisions matter and more importantly: start needing friends for fun and not for therapy. You supported a depressed guy for years, that alone tells me you have it in you to rise again, if only you find your way to yourself.
That sorry excuse for a human being read the comments (as expected, he cut all contacts but kept stalking you, yay) and his sick ego is what compelled him to contact you again. He wanted to prove a point (and failed btw) not caring that he would hurt you again in the process. That is beyond selfish!
All this time with him, he has been using you as a device to feel better about himself. You had to always care about his needs, his self esteem his whatever. But as soon as you started failing in that task (because you had problems of your own) you became disposable. Unwanted. He didn't support you back, he threw you away in a heartless way!
A few mean words from you that do not serve his selfish needs and you are kicked out? Wow.
It is not at all your fault. You can only understand what someone is really like during trial times. He showed his true face. And it is ugly. You may think otherwise, but he wasn't your "perfect" guy. Hopefully, your perfect guy would ACTUALLY treat you with minimum respect!!
If he wants to stay in his current mind state then so be it. As you said before: he is in love with the excuse of depression.
The guy is actually completely self centered. He only thinks of taking without actually giving back.
You say he praised your work? Ha! Anybody with EYES should praise it. We already established he was not sincere with you, despite you being open with him and encouraging him to do the same. (He was sincere only when it was EASY to be so.)
Fortunately, he should not bother you again for the 3rd time. (Even though he will keep stalking you occasionally). But if he magically wants you two to get back and you take him again, I will board a plane, come to your house and deliver you a hard slap! Be warned!
just let me know hen you wanna have someone who will listen to you.
Forgetting is one way to get him out of your head, but keep on remembering the times you had with him, will make the matter worse... You have to remain strong, don't forget that everyone is here to help you out.
And telling someone who is hurting that no one cares? Speak for yourself.
Don't forget HE broke your heart, HE put you into this nightmare, HE causes your weeks to be filled with black atrophy and nightmares, instead of feeling you caused such, try to remember yourself what he has done, don't remind yourself of the fine moments, they are gone, no matter what some say, it's important to realize HE is doing this, and best to forget it.. It's easy said, from all our views, but it's a step that must be made.
However, it's seem nothing but natural you experience what is normal to a broken heart, your pain has been shared by a countless amount before, and many of them managed to pull themselves up, but they like you, had to do it themselves.
See, we will always fall in life, and reach a pit in which only the worst reflect towards us. Each memory visiting like never ending nightmares, waking up in another each time. But you'll learn you can only climb out of that pit, and force yourself to smile in life! Our words can only do as much as we try We can read, offer a shoulder, and be there, but the hardest steps are yours to make; Whether now, in a week, a month, the process is yours, it's part of a broken heart sadly..
It may break, but everything can be put together, the results make it more vulnerable, but anything can be repaired, as long as you want too
I don't have Skype and I am at my internship at the moment, but if you just need to rant, I'll listen.
Even if I don't respond right now, I will read my messages.
You will be fine later, this thing takes time and wounds need to heal.
Do something you like, like shopping, or reading a book.
I don't know what kind of type your are and what you like, but that's all I can advise for now.
I am not an expert on relationships, I've never been in one to be honest, so I can't give you advice on that either...but I hope that I can help you in a way.
I am here.
I know your feel.
clam down, listen to universe, or you can found something earth-live video to watch for relax.
I always alone, sit in meditation and read some universe related books, drawing (MANDALA , you can see the sample in group , it will spend most of the time in traditional way, but the come out result very great!!!!)
I just share~~~you can try