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Tape it Back Together

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By yuumei   |   
Published:
© 2009 - 2020 yuumei
My family has a complicated history of separation, immigration, divorce, and remarriage. I won't go into the details but my mom often said to me "It's my life, my choice, I do what I want. You have no right to judge me."

I'm 18, but as a 9 year old child at the time, I couldn't repeat what she said. I could only wonder "Your choice in life affects me too."

Divorce is such a fad these days. Half the people I know have divorced parents, and most of them aren't happy about it. I understand in some situations divorce is the only way, but when your choice affects more than just you, think of the consequences and choose wisely.

With that said, I also wrote a short visual novel about the subject and an interactive narrative .
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Comments9743
anonymous's avatar
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jolliapplegirl's avatar
jolliapplegirlHobbyist Digital Artist
I see what you mean, though I don't get it personally. My parents split but I'm not sure if it affected me in any way. I don't like I was ever convinced they loved each other. They were just two people living in the same house. They stayed together, I imagine for my brother and me but considering how many fights they got into, it might have been better for them not to stay together at all. I got used to them fighting, which might be worse than if they split earlier on. Even when I found out my dad was cheating, it didn't even phase me. At that point, I don't think I cared anymore. They never pretended to love each other and I didn't expect them to. Honestly, I was more surprised they waited so long to divorce.

I kind of wish things could have worked out better. Had they cut ties earlier, perhaps I could spend time with both my parents rather than having them avoid one another due to resentment. Then again, this might be one of those unavoidable situations.
ChickenLittleLover's avatar
ChickenLittleLoverHobbyist Artist

hello guys! I just dipped my toes into poetry, and I gotty say, it's pretty snazzy, would love if you checked it out!

Open for feedback!

SoulfulWingedOne's avatar
SoulfulWingedOneHobbyist Writer
That’s how it feels- and it’ll never heal. My parents divorced when I was 9- my father was abusive to my mother and they finally split after being together for 22 years.

Things were already bad; my father cheated on my mom throughout the marriage, he’d hit us, curse us, and the emotional turmoil was endless. Sometimes he’d leave for weeks without a word; while gone he’d disable everything in the house. No internet, no tv, barely any access to anything.

He monitored us with cameras in the house- continued to monitor me after the divorce in the same ways. I leaned from a very young age that everything I did was wrong- I was always making a mistake and maybe I even was the mistake.

I certainly do not envy you and your life experience with separations or remarriages- it’s brutal when you’re young and it sticks with you forever.

My life didn’t improve after the divorce either; although it was much better for my mom years and years of custody battles amounted to nothing- I was still always stuck seeing my father. He abused me- I’m sure he always will.

I think I understand how you feel; how everyone commenting here feels. And yes, I’ve made that promise to myself: no kids, and no marriage.
RainyEvangeline's avatar
RainyEvangelineStudent Traditional Artist
Is he still abusing you?
SoulfulWingedOne's avatar
SoulfulWingedOneHobbyist Writer
Yes, he still does.
RainyEvangeline's avatar
RainyEvangelineStudent Traditional Artist
I wish there was something I could do to help. You're really brave to talk about it. I know that there's been loads of custody battles, but have you ever tried to call 911?
SoulfulWingedOne's avatar
SoulfulWingedOneHobbyist Writer
Yes, there was an incident years ago where we ended up outside a police station for hours after he called on me, the cops made it so much worse. They didn’t care about what happened to me, they just wanted me to go with him so the situation would be over for them (it was around 12 1 am)
RainyEvangeline's avatar
RainyEvangelineStudent Traditional Artist
In that situation, he called about you instead of you reporting him. I meant that you could call the police and tell them that he's abusing you. However, if they make it worse, there are other places you can call.

On your profile it says you're in the US, so try calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline at +18007997233. They're a service available 24/7 to help both adults and minors get help. Here's their privacy policy if you want to read that too. www.thehotline.org/privacy-pol…


Also try finding a domestic violence center near you. This website may help, www.domesticshelters.org/help#…

Believe me when I say that I had an abusive father too, and I'm going to do my best to help you.
SoulfulWingedOne's avatar
SoulfulWingedOneHobbyist Writer
Thank you so much I really appreciate the effort. I’m so sorry you experienced the same thing; it’s awful. I have to admit I’m scared to contact anyone like that but I’ll definitely look into it thank you so much.
RainyEvangeline's avatar
RainyEvangelineStudent Traditional Artist
(So sorry it took me so long to reply.)

You're welcome. Your so brave to cone on here and let people know about what's happening to you. I hope you know It's not your fault. It's just your father's own problems that are preventing him from caring for you. You deserve better.

I'm sending prayers and support.
TheNewGenesis's avatar
TheNewGenesisHobbyist General Artist
This will never heal. 

I swear the same thing: I will never make the same mistake. Not for me, but for my children (heck I'll probably end up adopting a child). I'm a never married single man in college with no real hope for the current societal culture we live in. This system has destroyed our lives, and I refuse to marry any woman lest she is like-minded as me. Divorce should never be brought up in an argument. But, for the love of what family you have left, don't remarry. 

It's been over 20 years, I just want my dad back. I want my mom to stop losing her self-reliance. It's never going to happen. 

I want My baby girl...
Vixxiin's avatar
Vixxiin Digital Artist
I have a special disgust and mistrust of parents who choose themselves over their kid when they are too young to have a say about their lives.My parents are horrible people, but I'm very glad they divorced when I was 2. I never had a fake or temporary image of happy family like that, and I know that many people stay together for the kids when they basically hate each other. The best thing to make sure to explain is that it's not the child's fault if two people just grow apart. That both parents love them. It will be tough anyway, but so many kids blame themselves, especially when they are young, but old enough to get what is going on.

I have a scientific theory as to why divorce seems and possibly is more common. It has to do with how love works in the brain. People don't know the stages and they also don't know that naturally after a period of 6 months to 3 years, depending on the persons in-love stage, the so called *spark* will die naturally if you don't keep the flame strong. Not a person in the world can keep that level of obsession and intense "us against the world" attitude that comes with it, and they aren't really supposed to. But people think that it, much like being happy can be a permanent thing. The brain is not built to stay in these stages. You can not and probably should not be blind to your partners faults nor be so obsessed with them that you can't think straight. You will either move on to a long term love (the kind where even when you see flaws, you still love them and help them as they help you improve as a person. You are not blind anymore) rekindling some of that spark, but keeping it a steady flame instead of a shooting star or break up and hopefully stay friends and a lot of people think they found "the one" when they hit that stage and subsequently tend to divorce in that stated timeline. Said stage is often brought on by sex or intimate relations where oxytocin and vasopressin are released. This explains SO many divorces. 

On top of this, we have more access to follow friends, family and have wider circles of friends thanks to the internet. Much like the world has not really gotten worse, nor have humans changed all that much, but we now hear and sometimes see the horrible stuff that has been happening for 100's of years, often just with different tools. But percentage wise with the number of people living in poverty, rights, racism, sexism etc it's probably the best time for humans so far. And the fact that we can still look around and think we must be the worst most heartless species ever is a testament to how much we can see we can improve. It keeps us driven, even when it crushes our souls. It means we know there is an even better way and should strive for it. Our bar is not set low, and that's a good thing.
People often tell so many not to whine, usually with the idea being that x is so common, or I went through worse, you have no right to complain, but whining means we want to improve. Complaining is the first step to realizing things can be better. I wish people would see that as a form of communication instead of annoyance (and I'm speaking to myself too, I'm prone to telling people to stop whining) it really helps in all relationships to make your voice heard, things you want to improve, things that aren't acceptable to your spouse, your friends, family, the world. 

Apologies for the rant, but I firmly think that this issue stems from an overarching issue of expectation and lack of communication that affects more than just spousal relationships and I think many would benefit from taking a communication class in any relationship, no matter how rock solid it feels right now.
LockedHeart36's avatar
LockedHeart36Hobbyist General Artist
Some people just have no idea how real this is. I just want to hug that little girl and tell her that someday everything will get brighter, and to just to hold on. To do better than I did.
WolfPack8390's avatar
WolfPack8390Hobbyist General Artist
This was the first thing that made me cry in years. Very well done.
TheLittleDemonArtist's avatar
TheLittleDemonArtistHobbyist Digital Artist
Terribly, i can really relate to this since my parents divorced when i was about 8 years old
IrisStormbell's avatar
damn. My parents Never devorced... But I could Just feel the sadness dripping from that...
PinkuJessy's avatar
PinkuJessyHobbyist
This hit me deep ;_;
SoapDraws's avatar
SoapDrawsHobbyist Digital Artist
This is a beautiful artwork. But... This must be really heart breaking for parents who are getting divorced. They don't have intentions to hurt their children, but they can't live a lie, pretend to love someone that they don't. 
Lablass-2882's avatar
Lablass-2882Student Artisan Crafter
I've seen both sides of this argument.  A few of my friends who grew up in separated households did it right; where the parents agreed that the children's happiness was the most important thing and tried to get along for their sake.  And I've seen it done wrong; with some very nasty divorces and a lot of late nights trying to comfort a friend who's whole world was falling apart. It makes me even more thankful that my own parents have stay so strong thought out the years.  Even with all the shit that my grandparents gave them about religion; they stay strong and are still together after 30 years of marriage.   I do agree that divorce has become a fad, and I think that its awful that it has.  Your choices are more powerful then you think. 
Codebreak33's avatar
Codebreak33Hobbyist General Artist
This sounds so sweet.
st-ar-ch-ild's avatar
st-ar-ch-ildHobbyist Artist
a beautiful piece, in honesty, though i cannot relate since my parents' divorce was not so shattering as much as a relief, and my mother is much happier after it.
Harmonystar4813's avatar
my parents divorced when i was 2 months old.
Zapper133's avatar
I first saw this piece when I was 17. My parents had been going through some rough times; they'd talked about divorce on several occasions since I was little. They have separated about three times in the past 25 years, but the actual divorce never happened. Still, it effected me to this very day. This piece is so true, more so for the children going through divorce today. 
anonymous's avatar
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