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Porcelain Lies

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By yuumei   |   
Published:
© 2016 - 2020 yuumei


These porcelain lies

Crafted with precision 
Fired with intention
Beautiful and frail 
All doomed to fail
In time the mask will shatter
And as the pieces scatter
You'll be left all alone 
With all the lies you've grown 
----------------------------------------

It's still hard for me to directly talk about what has been hurting me these past months. I have talked about how the issues with Axent Wear and my co-founder has been very painful for me in the past year, but I also mentioned that what I am going through right now is worse than that. I noticed there has been some confusion, and people are assuming the pain I'm going through now is caused by my co-founder, it's not. She has hurt me a lot, but she did not cause the current pain I feel. 

I can't bring myself to describe the details, so I'll give an analogy instead. Imagine a priest who always preaches about being loving and kind, about helping people and the world. Everyone looks up to this priest, trusting him. Then you find out he has been repeatedly molesting children, and using the good priest act to get away with it. Especially for the victims, they are left broken and confused, blaming themselves, thinking maybe they deserved it, because it can't possibly be the kind priest who can do no wrong. 

This is the kind of lies I've uncovered about someone close to me, and it's making me doubt everything. It's so hard to trust again, but I know I will in time. There will probably be a few more art pieces related to this event in my life, but please don't worry about me anymore. I am already okay. The process of healing for me is to turn that pain into art, and through that process I will have conquered it.

I'm Not Okay by yuumeiWhat It Takes To Fly by yuumeiCountdown by yuumeiThese Lies by yuumeiDread by yuumei
Image size
1500x1125px 1.04 MB
IMAGE DETAILS
Software
Adobe Photoshop CS6 (Windows)
Comments289
anonymous's avatar
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Lapzidorus's avatar
Here's what I was able to read from this picture, going left-to-right in columns:
"I don't care who I hurt."
"People are toys and objects to me."
"I am a narcissist who never learned to love."
"I pretend to be the victim to trick my next victim."
"I manipulate people with my self hatred."
"I pretend to hate myself to gain pity and forget [???]."
"I never empathize. I don't care about being a good person; just the [???]."
"I use people."
"I'm the boss."
"I only love myself and validations."
"I live for validation."
"I'm perfect at everything."
~
"I will take until you have nothing left [???] me."
"Emotions are tools to manipulate with."
"I can always [???] you."
"You [mean] nothing to me."
"I never loved anyone."
"I'm selfish; I take people for granted; I take what I want."
~
"I am a [???]."
"I want to be loved without giving love back."
"I'm the best that..."
MaGLIL's avatar
What about your own mask?
pdevinney's avatar
Intense 
Teebird2's avatar
Your work is absolutely incredible & this one in particular is precious as you have described above. I too have experienced similar pain & though I cannot draw as catharsis I have art drawn on my body to work through the pain.
Be strong. You are beautiful. 
thoonthoonthoon's avatar
thoonthoonthoonHobbyist General Artist
very nice. cathartic and beautiful. 
B-Soberg's avatar
We're here for you! Hope you're doing okay! :)
Sorry I'm a little late to the comment party. :P
Lachbee's avatar
My sweet darling, there is light. Try flow arts, I know a lot of people that have gotten through hard times, anxiety problems, depression because of flow. And they're a different kind of beautiful art. You will always have support, you just gotta ask <3
Sp0rkNinja's avatar
Love the Idea
geanera's avatar
Splendid!!!
Hjemi's avatar
HjemiHobbyist General Artist
If I could, I would favorite ALL your works a thousand times :heart:
IsaacChamplain's avatar
IsaacChamplainStudent Digital Artist
You always seem to come up with something creative and deep. Keep it upWink/Razz 
Precamur's avatar
PrecamurStudent Traditional Artist
I understand... you feel hopeless sometimes. I do too... Everyday, I pick up a new mask to hide the blackness within me. I can feel it consuming me, and everyone around me... I always end up blaming myself, saying it's my fault-MY FAULT. I still think it is. The darkness, it controls, it torments me. I've done terrible things I don't wish to think about it. But with everyday, comes a new dawn. I'll always believe in this dawn, because I know it will come no matter how long the night is... 

Critics say the poem is about the inevitably of death, but to me, it means something more. What does it mean to you, yuumei?

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Lucinta's avatar
LucintaHobbyist General Artist
Llama Emoji-08 (Crying) [V1] 
jolteon547's avatar
jolteon547Student Traditional Artist
You're a poet too?
Liirio's avatar
LiirioHobbyist Traditional Artist
She is everything rainbow cry 
AlexisTorresArt's avatar
AlexisTorresArtProfessional Traditional Artist
Wow your amazing if you have some time would you like to chek out my art that would mean so much to me<3
demon0496's avatar
Pretty much sums up Ken Kaneki from Tokyo Ghoul.
magieval's avatar
magievalHobbyist Digital Artist
So full of emotions, absolutely smashed it :heart: 
abigaillee2005's avatar
abigaillee2005Student Artist
o.o cool work!
Be-Aware-Of-Wolves's avatar
Be-Aware-Of-WolvesHobbyist Traditional Artist
AAAAhhhhhhh Soooo cool!! I LOOOVE this artwork!! I like the hand really ww
moonlightluver44's avatar
We will support you through whatever troubles you are having! You are not alone.
Srynan's avatar
SrynanHobbyist Writer
I can only think of Linkin Park when reading those lines and seeing that picture...
 "Hit the Floor"
www.youtube.com/watch?v=yQ_BiM…

"I know I'll never trust a single thing you say,
you knew your lies would divide us but you lied anyway
and all the lies have got you floating up above us all
but what goes up has got to fall."

Those people are the worst. 'Nuff said. :cheer up hug: 
anonymous's avatar
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