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Deviant for 7 Years
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Last Night
last night i was 2 weeks clean; maybe it was 3.
last night i was so upset i was in dire need to hurt myself.
last night i was so angry i took blades and stroked them against my skin.
last night was the night i felt the pain from taking eleven pills the night before.
last night was me crying on the floor, pouring my heart out to my girlfriend.
last night was me telling my parents 'fuck you'.
last night was when i gave up.
last night it all hurt too much.
:iconyukiey2005484:yukiey2005484 3 0
Thoughts of Us
I live for you and I live for us.
I live for just the thought of you and I being together in the future and for the thought of you saying I love you.
Just so I could hear you call me yours one last time.
Keep me forever, tell me you want me and tell me you always will.
Tell me you own me and you'll never let go of me. 
I love you more than you'll ever be able to imagine and I fall in love with you more and more everyday. 
I was sat at my piano and I just cried and I kept asking myself questions that had obvious answers.
What if I took more pills? What if I did die? What if I never woke up?
I promised I’d never leave you and I promised as long as you’re alive, so am I, and I intend to keep that promise.
I love you.
:iconyukiey2005484:yukiey2005484 1 0
I know you want the best for me.
I know you care about me.
I know you love me.
I was defying everything you asked of me because I wanted to make you worry, I wanted your attention. It sounds bad but I would do absolutely anything to get your attention.
I only started taking those pills to numb the pain of not having you here; knowing there was a slight chance you might never actually want me, killed me.
I only cut my legs when I wasn't sober because I wanted to feel something physical, something more than the emotional loss I was feeling then; the emotional loss I'm feeling now.
I would do anything to get your attention; good or bad. Even if it meant killing myself.
:iconyukiey2005484:yukiey2005484 1 2
Was it love?
I loved you in every possible way.
You loved someone else and I couldn’t handle that.
I freaked out.
Everyone saw me break.
Everyone knew it was your fault I was slipping.
How could you lie to me and say you were real? You left me right after.
I was in ruins while you were standing tall.
It was your ghost that made me hate myself.
Or was it just you?
Your friends made fun of me, you did too.
I thought that love was something you just knew.
That’s not the truth.
Love is happiness, trust, want.
Wanting to talk to them all the time.
Did I love you? Well, I wouldn’t know.
You didn’t feel the same way back so it was constant lies and betrayal.
I’m carrying on now and so are you.
:iconyukiey2005484:yukiey2005484 2 0


Rose // Flowers by AlleePhotography Rose // Flowers :iconalleephotography:AlleePhotography 7 0 Flowers from a cold porcelain by polyflowers Flowers from a cold porcelain :iconpolyflowers:polyflowers 81 5 hedge and flowers by acollins973 hedge and flowers :iconacollins973:acollins973 29 6 She paints the roses red II by Econita She paints the roses red II :iconeconita:Econita 233 17
It has oxygen
Flowing through its veins
It has fingers wired
To enact its purpose
It has eyes that chase
Its poor sub-reality
It observes itself
Observing the world
It exists
In a vacuum of attention
In a sterile realm of
Second-hand experience
If I cut it
Will I bleed?
If I hurt it
Will I feel?
It is information
Organized to action
Atoms into flesh
Flesh into a body
If I wake it
Will I realize?
If I break it
Will I become whole?
It is prison
For my self-illusion
A tormentor of
My synthetic soul
:iconelendurwen:Elendurwen 26 21
Golden by Vermontster Golden :iconvermontster:Vermontster 68 13 Literature Tag - 73 by LoveLyricsAndLies Literature Tag - 73 :iconlovelyricsandlies:LoveLyricsAndLies 41 0
When I Disappear
Everything is void
And the void is but me
The mind's sense of reality
Is a naive fabrication
There's no meaning
In this land of make-believe
In its hollow stones
There is no purpose
The all-defying
Rules of relativity
The all-defining
Sickness of untruth
A cold fatigue
Takes hold of my body
A free fall
     - There should be no I
A downfall
     - Who is the one feeling
        When even this loneliness
        Is a mere delusion?
Why exist at all
If existence is infinite
A monstrous complexity
Beyond comprehension
Why keep breathing
When it's simply energy
Moving in and out
Pulsing through, transformed
But in essence all the same?
An eye gets shut
An eye gets opened again
Who is the one seeing
When I disappear?
:iconelendurwen:Elendurwen 28 9
Switched Off
I switch off
Myself to perceive
I turn off
The simulated living
I can smell the present now
I can taste it
As it's slowly
Crawling through
I switch off
The echoes of the past
The screaming of all future
No restraints
My eyes are open wide
Every photon
On their surface
A world to explore
And there is no
Superficial separation
And there is no
Fear of the unknown
I turn off
Myself to terminate
The conscious isolation
Of the evolved mind
I switch off
The innate tunnel vision
The chemical delusion
Of purposeful control
:iconelendurwen:Elendurwen 17 0
like water
peace like a river
dear son and daughter
has no memory
like water
dip your cups
drink deep and let
your grip relax
on your regret
:iconwordturner:wordturner 8 3
Autumn in Helsinki by Pajunen Autumn in Helsinki :iconpajunen:Pajunen 1,315 202 After Practice~ by GUWEIZ After Practice~ :iconguweiz:GUWEIZ 12,736 212 As vrea sa pot sa locuiesc by AlexandrinaAna As vrea sa pot sa locuiesc :iconalexandrinaana:AlexandrinaAna 80 7
Can you relate?
On the outside I'm unbreakable but inside I'm broken
On outside I'm comprahendable but inside I'm ill-spoken
On the outside I look good but inside I feel bad
On the outside I'm happy but on the inside I'm sad
On the outside  I'm sweet but inside I'm sour
On the outside I feel energetic but inside I have no power
On the outside I'm motivated but inside I lack all motivation
On the outside I'm determined but inside I've no determination
On the outside I'm sturdy but inside I'm tumbling
On the outside I'm strong but inside I'm crumbling
On the outside I'm laughing but inside I'm crying
On the outside I'm fine but inside I know I'm lying
On the outside I'm living but inside I'm dying
On the outside I'm joyful but inside I'm suppressed
On the outside I'm okay but inside I'm depressed
On the outside I'm happy but  inside I'm screaming
On the outside I seem optimistic but inside life has no meaning
Can anyone else empathise with how I am feeling?
:iconfinakiyomo:finakiyomo 746 318
Orchidee by Alle-Dagen-Dromen Orchidee :iconalle-dagen-dromen:Alle-Dagen-Dromen 1 0 Skyline by mrurth Skyline :iconmrurth:mrurth 1 0


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Artist | Student | Literature
United States
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Current Residence: California
Grade: Twelfth
Future Plans: Aspiring Songwriter / Performer (Singer)
Favorite Book: Lolita
Favorite Color: Lilac & Violet
Personal Quote: Be the change you want to see in the world.

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birthdays Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2019
:woohoo: :party: :iconcakelickplz: !!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!! :iconcakelickplz: :party: :woohoo:

It's January 12th which means it's that time of the year again and your special day is here! We hope you have an awesome day with lots of birthday fun, gifts, happiness and most definitely, lots of cake! Here's to another year!

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RoseSpectrum Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2019  Hobbyist Digital Artist
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Happy birthday!
I hope you have a fantastic day!
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SawuScimitar74 Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2018
Happy Birthday! Have a good one! :D
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Annaivri Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Happy birthday! socks the cat- nYA by paw-kitten
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