I’ve been hiding it and being evasive about mentioning it, but my mother had, for the last three months, been getting really sick, really fast, and initially, my family and I didn’t know why.
We would find out, in late March, that it turned out that my mother had Stage 4 lung cancer, and that it had already begun to metastasizate – in other words, it had already begun spreading to other parts of her body, and wouldn’t be stopping. Without nothing short of a miracle, it would continue to not stop, and ‘miracles’ would be the only way to be cured.
Her situation would continue to deteriorate. By the second half of April, she was in constant, excruciating pain, and we’d be taking her to a hospice house not too long after.
I kind of knew it’d be coming. I prepared appropriately. And two days before I’m writing this, my mother indeed quietly passed away.
I did my best to ensure that I didn’t have any regrets and that mom wouldn’t have any regarding me, either. I made sure to talk with her and visit her as often as I could, making extra care to ensure that any ‘goodbye’ would be a loving one, in case it’d be my last. I even left a note for Dad to read to her on one day where she and my father were having the best, most peaceful sleep they’d had in weeks, along with a Mother’s Day card that my family had signed prior – it would turn out to be the very day before she passed, and she got to have both read to her, so she knew that I was doing all right, my friend was having a good time at his new job, and that we loved her.
She left a letter in advance of the worst of this, which I haven’t read yet… but I intend on reading it and keeping it.
Anyone who reads this – if you are in any way on good terms with your family or parents or whatever, never pass up a good opportunity to have a good time with them, tell them that you care about them, let them know how you’re doing or have them let you know the same. Eventually, you will no longer be able to do so, and I know even from playing video games that the idea that a good person will die sad or regretful due to something I said or did, and having THAT be the last memory they’d ever had of me, would be a horrific, devastating thing for everybody.
I made sure that I didn’t make that mistake, and for as much as I’ll miss her, I can at least have the peace of knowing that she left me and my family knowing that we all loved and cared for her. Please be sure that any of your own loved ones can have the same.
, UnPlayedAThing and everyone on his Twitch stream, and anyone else I might have told about this or hinted at regarding it at some point, thank you all for your kindness and support throughout all of this. It’s always good to know that people care.
I'm keeping it together a lot better than I imagined I might (though make no mistake, this is absolutely a great loss for me that I won't soon forget), so don't worry. Happier times, sillier journals, and completion of works in progress that I haven't been keeping up on that well will come soon enough. ;,3