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sleepwalk pantoum

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We leave through the back door.
Taking your hand, I step into the alley,
where it is cold and the streetlights are off.
But nothing seems to matter.

Taking your hand, I step into the alley.
You are next to me,
but nothing seems to matter
as night seeps into my veins.

You are next to me,
saying “everything is all right.”
As night seeps into my veins,
I want to see you all lit up.

Saying “everything is all right,”
we leave through the back door.
I want to see you all lit up
where it is cold and the streetlights are off.
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You always say that nothings ever good enough but you need to stop comparing me Because: I'm not her. I'm not him. and I can't be what you want me to be. I struggle, ad I struggle to find that perfect place that's just mine. But I know that if I do nothing will ever been good enough for you. I'm not her. I'm not him. and I can't be what you want me to be. I can only ever be just me. Some nights I wander, wondering if I'll ever be good enough. But as I look upon the sky there's nothing there asking for me to change. So I'll just realize that I can only ever be just me. Because, I'm not her. I'm not him.
© 2003 - 2019 yourotherleft
this was my first attempt at a pantoum. stare at it and you'll figure out what that means.

like everything else i write, it is not about drugs, and it has streetlamps.
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"you know, we are made of ugly things." "yes, but have you not heard? ugly is the new beautiful. like the way you always seem to pry at my thoughts and know what i'm thinking; the way you make me talk when i really don't feel like parting my lips and lying to you. it's just like the cyanide and razor blades i keep in my medicine cabinet, waiting for the day when i master the definition of defeat." "then we are the most beautiful thing in the world, because we are spending our days chewing on gunpowder and wilted roses. i spent ten minutes this morning carving your name on the inside of my thigh; somehow, replicating that pain makes me think
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You always say that nothings ever good enough but you need to stop comparing me Because: I'm not her. I'm not him. and I can't be what you want me to be. I struggle, ad I struggle to find that perfect place that's just mine. But I know that if I do nothing will ever been good enough for you. I'm not her. I'm not him. and I can't be what you want me to be. I can only ever be just me. Some nights I wander, wondering if I'll ever be good enough. But as I look upon the sky there's nothing there asking for me to change. So I'll just realize that I can only ever be just me. Because, I'm not her. I'm not him.
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Comments (6)
madeleinewn's avatar
whohoa i even forgot it was a pantoum for a moment. i like.
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ezo's avatar
ezo|Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
This is an incredible poem and an excellent pantoum. It sounds to fluent and natural for a pantoum. Beautifully done. +fav
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emocore's avatar
yes, the structure of this is very neat.
i like this, it's a fun idea.
and the visualizations in this are really good
ie. "As night seeps into my veins,
I want to see you all lit up."

it's lins like these that make me love your writing.
Reply  ·  
welzi's avatar
me likes, love the imagry used too :d
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moonsparked's avatar
interesting structure.... i'm not familiar with the different structures.... but i like the pattern of this.

and of course this is excellant.
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anonymous's avatar
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