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We leave through the back door.
Taking your hand, I step into the alley,
where it is cold and the streetlights are off.
But nothing seems to matter.

Taking your hand, I step into the alley.
You are next to me,
but nothing seems to matter
as night seeps into my veins.

You are next to me,
saying “everything is all right.”
As night seeps into my veins,
I want to see you all lit up.

Saying “everything is all right,”
we leave through the back door.
I want to see you all lit up
where it is cold and the streetlights are off.
this was my first attempt at a pantoum. stare at it and you'll figure out what that means.

like everything else i write, it is not about drugs, and it has streetlamps.
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:iconmadeleinewn:
madeleinewn Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2004
whohoa i even forgot it was a pantoum for a moment. i like.
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:iconezo:
ezo Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2003  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
This is an incredible poem and an excellent pantoum. It sounds to fluent and natural for a pantoum. Beautifully done. +fav
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:iconemocore:
emocore Featured By Owner May 16, 2003   Writer
yes, the structure of this is very neat.
i like this, it's a fun idea.
and the visualizations in this are really good
ie. "As night seeps into my veins,
I want to see you all lit up."

it's lins like these that make me love your writing.
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:iconwelzi:
welzi Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2003
:d = :D (Big Grin)
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:iconwelzi:
welzi Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2003
me likes, love the imagry used too :d
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:iconmoonsparked:
moonsparked Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2003
interesting structure.... i'm not familiar with the different structures.... but i like the pattern of this.

and of course this is excellant.
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April 14, 2003
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