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literature

Porcelain

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By Ylimegirl   |   Watch
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Published: September 23, 2016
A perfect girl
The queen at the top
I am a doll
Made of porcelain

I'm everyone's favorite
The girl everyone adores
Perfect in every way
The prettiest girl in the town

One day I hear a voice
Whispering to me from the void
And I become tempted
To seize control

So I'm everyone's favorite
But not for the same reason
I have become the puppeteer
The doll has learned to stand

The queen at the top
The one in the control
Nobody could ever
Usurp my rule

The top is lonely
I have nobody with me
I soon find I only smile
At other people's pain

I can get anything I want
But nothing feels real
Did the voice in my head
Lie about my happiness?

My brother's the worst
He always smiles
Why's he so happy?
He's a worthless child

My sister's just as bad
She never buckles to me
Her defiance makes her
A loose cannon in my empire

Today another voice is heard
This one's far more timid
All he wants is to be
Noticed by someone

I'm not sure which part
Of me would ever want this
After all everyone knows me
I'm the most popular girl around

The next day I hear twins
They do nothing but bicker
The hate they project on each other
Is really the flaws they see in themselves

Another enigma of my
subconscious I suppose
I'll figure it out what it means
Someday in the future

Then another visitor joins the party
This voice is familiar
A young boy sobbing
I know this voice

The boy is crying
Even as he tries to smile
He misses when his sisters smiled
So he smiles in their stead

Maybe these voices I heard
Were never me to begin with
Maybe I'm hearing the thoughts
Of those around me

I hone my abilities
I learn to control the noise
Even the voice I thought was mine
I can mute with a single thought

So I pull the strings again
Becoming ever more cunning
Nobody's mind is safe
Except for hers

Why can't I see her thoughts?
Why is her mind a black hole?
What could possibly be inside
To cause such a dark path?

I try to ignore it
And focus on a boy
He has a crush on me
And he's smart

A smile in his direction
A little flirtatious wink
Soon he's my "helper"
Doing all of my work for free

Even while I'm in charge
I find myself unable to leave
And when he saves me one day
I can no longer deny my feelings

I stop peering in his mind
I must free myself of this obstacle
The queen at the top
Can't possibly have a suitor

Yet the doll follows her whims
And finds herself grabbing her man
She thrusts them together
And I'm kissing the boy

I punch a wall
Angry at myself
I'm not the sort of person
To lose control like this

Yet I find my shell
Cracking more and more
A voice I lost long ago
Speaks

The porcelain shatters
The ragdoll stands
I find myself accepting
This strange fate

Even so I remain
At the top of the pyramid
Showing my true self
Is an impossibility

So I'll remain
Your perfect doll
I will fill the niche
You expect me to
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© 2016 - 2019 Ylimegirl
This character has gone under a lot of character-arc changes, let me tell ya

Convergence: fav.me/dag88xk
Loss: fav.me/dailr7p
Masks: fav.me/dailr3y
Despair: fav.me/daie5h8
Warrior: fav.me/daihx8f
After the End: fav.me/dai68u6
Players: fav.me/daihx2l
The End: fav.me/dai1loa
Porcelain: fav.me/daipdd5
Shaker: fav.me/daie5qb
Twinkle: fav.me/dahtoft
Lingering: fav.me/daiajlo
The Beginning: fav.me/daiajcp
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I pull a cookbook from its shelf, right next to the ceramic bowls, flip through the batter-stained pages.   His orange and white hairs still cling to my sweatshirt, a touch of blood smeared across the collar.   At last, I find the recipe I was searching for. Peanut butter cookies.  My finger traces down the list of ingredients: two and one fourth cups all-purpose flour, one teaspoon baking soda, two eggs. A rustle comes from the next room over, and I pause—glancing up, past the breakfast bar.   My sister is lying on the den couch, her face to the backrest.   A blanket is s
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