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“Ron!  Please come in here and help me!” Hermione called out the door of the Burrow.  

They were having a surprise birthday party for Fleur that evening.  Mrs. Weasley had gone to fetch Fleur and Bill, who was distracting her until the party was ready.  Audrey and Angelina were setting up decorations in the sitting room.  And for some reason, it seemed to take all five of the men to entertain three small children, one of whom couldn’t even walk.  Which Hermione found unreasonable.  So she was drafting Ron to help her clean the mountain of cooking dishes that needed to be washed.

But the first person through the door was Teddy, zooming through midair, laughing his head off and changing his nose every half second.  Ron followed, grinning, wand in the air.

“Ronald! Do not levitate the children!

“But it’s fun, Aunt Hermione!”

Hermione was already pulling out her wand and lowering him to the floor.  “Teddy, you could get hurt.  Uncle Ron was being bad.”

Ron hugged her from behind and nuzzled her bushy hair.  “You could punish me later,” he whispered.

“Teddy, please go outside and keep playing,” Hermione said in a sweet voice.  Teddy recognized that voice and ran.

The moment his heel disappeared, Hermione whipped around and slapped her boyfriend.

“Ow!  What was that for?”

“Levitating Teddy—he could get seriously hurt!—and then making a joke like that in front of him!”

“So I can make a joke like that not in front of him?”

“You really are thick, Ronald.”

“So what if I levitated the kid?  He was loving it.”

“What if you dropped him?”

“Just like falling off a broomstick.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because it isn’t.”

Ron smirked, smelling victory.  “You don’t have a reason.”

“If he fell off a broomstick, then he did it himself.  He got on the broom, knowing he could fall, and he can learn not to fall next time.”

“But he asked—”

She raised her voice, cutting him off.  “If you dropped him, what does he learn?  Don’t play with Uncle Ron?”

“A broom would probably be higher off the ground.”

“Do the dishes, please, Ronald.”

“We’ll have to do them again after we eat.  Why not do them all then?”

“Because we clean as we go.  Then the kitchen never gets unbearably messy.  Now, wash, please.”

“But I don’t know the spell.”

“Then figure it out,” she said, pointing to Mrs. Weasley’s book of household spells, sitting on a shelf with the cookbooks.  “Or do it by hand.”  She pointed her wand back to the cutting board with fruit and a knife on it, which began chopping so fast that the fruit got more squished than chopped.

For a while, the only sound in the kitchen was the water pouring over the dishes and the chopping of Hermione’s knife.  

At some point, Hermione glanced over to make sure he was doing it right.  A pile of dishes were piled on the counter, dripping water.  As she watched, he picked on up, held it under the stream of water coming from his wand, swished around the water, dumped it out, and put it on top of the pile.

Horrified, Hermione watched, speechless, as he did this with two more dishes.  

“Ronald!  Are you only using water?

“What else am I supposed to do?”

“Soap!  So the dishes get cleaned!  You wouldn’t use just water to wash your hands, would you?”


“Nevermind, I’m sorry I asked.  I can’t believe you just rinsed all those dishes without a drop of soap!”

“Who’s going to know, Hermione?  Who cares?  We’re not eating off of these dishes!”

“But we’ll need them when we cook with them again!”

“So we’ll deal with it when we do!”

“We’re done cooking for today!  All the food residue will get stuck on the dishes, and it will take three times as long to wash it off when we want to use the dish again!”

“Which is why I rinsed it off!”

Neither of them had noticed the audience that had appeared.  Mrs. Weasley had returned with Fleur and Bill, who had not been greeted by the whole family jumping out and shouting “Surprise!”  Everyone was crowded into the doorway, watching Hermione and Ron.

“I rinsed the food off of the dishes so it would be easier to wash next time you use it!”

“So you’re just going to store a dirty dish in the cupboard?”

“It doesn’t look dirty to me!”

“That’s because you’re not looking!  You never look!  You never pay attention, you never offer to help until I force you, and you do a shoddy job and complain all the way.”

“Hermione, will you marry me?”

“While I was in here, working, you were outside, playing with—I…what?”

The room was dead silent.  Mrs. Weasley’s mouth had dropped open and George was trying very hard to laugh silently.  

“I can’t think of anything I’d rather do than spend the rest of my life arguing with you, you impossible woman.  I love you.  Will you marry me?”

She slapped him again.  This time, her hand landed with a sharp crack and a red handprint started to appear.  “You think you can derail an argument just by proposing?  Well I have news for you, Ronald Weasley, I am not some lovesick little girl who’s going to swoon at your feet.  If that’s all you think of me then you can sod off, because I want nothing to do with someone who only wants that out of marriage!”

“You’re right.  That was unfair.  I’m sorry, Hermione.”

She stopped and blinked at him for a moment.  “You what?”

“I’m sorry.  You are absolutely right.  You are beautiful and strong and brilliant.  Every day you astound me and remind me that you are so much better than any other woman in the world.  Because you didn’t just stop yelling at me, kiss me and say yes.  You said ‘No, I am better than that.’  And you know what, Hermione?  You are.  You are bossy and confusing and demanding, but all of that is because you know that you are the most brilliant person in the room.  It’s not out of arrogance, it’s just true.  Hermione, will you please boss me around and yell at me for the rest of our lives?”

The kitchen was absolutely silent for about twenty seconds.  The ghoul upstairs banged a pipe and groaned and everyone jumped.  The spell that no one had cast was broken.

“Do the dishes properly, please, Ronald.”

“Yes, Hermione.”  He turned back to the sink for soap and began clumsily trying to wash the dishes.  The rest of the family started moving, outside to set up tables and chairs or upstairs.  Hermione watched him struggle with the first one before shooting a stream of sudsy water out of her wand and over the dishes.  

“You just use Scourgify.  But you have to think about sudsy water and clean dishes while you do it, or the spell just vanishes the food.”  Ron slowly took his hands away from the dish, which stayed floating in the air, with the soapy water swishing back and forth.  It finished and floated over to the counter, gleaming.  He pointed his wand at a mixing bowl, which began to do the same thing.  

“Thank you.”

“Yes, I’ll marry you.”

He snapped his head up and looked at her in shock.  “Really?”

She pointed her wand at a dishtowel, which began to dry the first dish, and looked up into his infuriatingly handsome freckled face.  “I will marry you, Ronald Weasley.”

“May I kiss you now?”

“You may.”
This is my "ABCs" series. I got the idea from :iconlariren-shadow:. Her series is on the Last Airbender fandom, and it's pretty funny. Most of these will be funny, but a few will be darker, memories of the war and such.

Most of them will be about the Next Generation, but I may throw a curveball. We'll see how things play out.

If you have any ideas, I'd love to hear them, but there are no garuntees I'll be able to bring every idea into it. After all, there are only 26 of these, assuming I stick with it.


A is for Arachnid:…
B is for Bat-Bogey Hex:…
C is for Crucio:…
M is for More:…
Q is for Questions:…
S is for Snitch:…

Yeah, faving without commenting sucks. Don't do it. You comment, I'll send love. Constructive criticism especially appreciated.
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Ballsack100 Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2014  Professional General Artist
I wasn't that big of a fan. It was okay, no doubt, and you are a good story writer. But I really just didn't like the story and how it just jumped ahead.
Ginga-Ninga1994 Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
haha I laughed my ass off reading this! I don't really approve of the smacking of Ronald (even if he was being a sausage), but Hermione being a bossy boots and the sudden proposal - this is fantastic! Really surprised that this doesn't have comments yet!
yellow-tulips Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2014
Thank you!  I worked really hard to get this piece right :)
Ginga-Ninga1994 Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
haha no problem :) and ya writing takes a lot of effort haha :iconlazycryplz:
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