He showed and told me everything,
Everything he owned...
I understood and felt them all,
But now his love I can't behold...
He heard and saw everything I am,
Almost everything I own...
He understood and felt them all,
Then never wanted more....
DAILY SUBCONSCIENCE IN EXILECan't confuse memory to exist in the present.
Can't confuse spiritual action to be memories.
I am two things joggled by a clown in coma
I live in spite of unseen casualties in both -
The regularly beaten, unbeating heart;
The indefinitely unfavored flavored soul...
Can't confuse choice with what's looked at for it,
Truth. Must distinguish aftermath from effects of choice.
I am one thing to a man, a jerk, and the moon,
And love in spite that one thing which is Nothing.
Nothing but every thing I've been considered to be not;
Nothing but a thing, considered merely, inconsiderately.
Must not be blind to distinctions.
Must be distinct from the blind.
So I worry not.
On What Expense?On what expense does a man bare his soul
to a woman he does not intend to keep?
And on what expense does a man keep
a woman he does not intend to bare his soul with?
What does a man tell himself when he realizes on what expense?
And what does a man do to not realize on what expense?
On what expense does a man love
And on what expense does he not?
The Message of the Sky
Bum with me
Above the clouds
You need no other high but I...
Sun can't burn
Out solemn flesh
Your doubts are meaningless.
Know how to fly
This is the message of the Sky...
Xyldrae Diane Espineda Jacob
I live in many different worlds.
I find and make beauty in everything
and anything. I'm
a constant parallactic paradox, sublime,
with a restless soul that exudes melancholy,
a Black Heart drowning in euphoria,
and a great mind scarce in madness
livened by all forms of rarity
living for the One Who made me.
Copyright © Xyldrae Diane E. Jacob
Cherub. Rebel. Minstrel.
He communicates literally in such a steady tone
But his depth is in his words
And applying a note unto it would magnify his soul.
He is gentleness gone awry;
And a manic in silence and control;
He strolls his way quietly into screaming serenity
As a forlorn wagged stray in social fury.
Blasphemy Through SilenceEnnui is offspring to a fool and his continuity
They make such a horrid family
Casualty to awareness
Blasphemy through silence.
DECONSTRUCTION OF CINDERELLA
Everybody knows her story... branded Cinderella:
She was born. She lost her mother.
Some witch took over. She lost her father.
Her properties coveted by step-women.
One day with the help of pests for friends,
And her bored fairy godmother,
She catches the lead clown in a social circus most grand
Leaves one of her shoe pair upon unethical eluding
Per chance to be found.
And she was.
Clown boy puts her back in her original place
And they flatter happily ever after.
Here are the non-moral lessons:
Cinderella is a loser.
This has nothing to do with parental loss.
She simply lost her sense of self
When she chose to be coveted
She had no role in the story
Aside from being the conflict for the doers of deeds.
Pests got to be friends.
Fairy godmother existed purposely and looked good.
Clown boy is tagged heroic
And step-women were made necessary for all.
Okay. Okay. MORAL LESSON:
To be not mundane, know yourself and be.
Clandestine PursuitClandestine pursuit
What of? What of?
Does he know? Does he know?
The cruelty of him besieging her
Who chills in her grave
And here comes, here comes,
An hourly victor over cynicism
Mimicking what stalks
Himself to stalk
What of? What of?
Was she better off?
Can Your Warmth Be Alms
I am strained by this explosive rest
From world and woe but of pure
Celestialness- Inauspicious breathing
When I found I was unwhole before you;
That I, without you, am a flame grand enough
But can not burn nor brighten as I should
And strained by this explosive rest am I
Conditions untoward nurture in one, a pitiful soul
Whose protected coverings plagued with heightened sensations
Swiftly augmenting vastitude in clockwork mentality
Growing awareness to disintegrate control
How does one lose one's self to another's existence made known?
Unnerving, upsetting, detesting it all!
Inauspicious breathing... left unreversed and reserved.
I am strained by this explosive rest.
One More NightmareIf everything is
what it seems,
then where is
the reality of
(and what does
it mean when
I'm falling apart
at the seams?)
(With everything that
transpires I only
pray that I
could die here.)
You leave me with
nothing more than
July 21st, 2010
BrokenI cant breathe
I want to but no air comes out
I want to speak but no words come out
Why do I feel... hurt?
I feel betray
I feel like love had forgotten me
Like God only help those who have love
My heart hurts
My heart feels like a thousand needles went through my chest
and now its bleeding slowly for me to die
Why when I try to move my hands to touch the ground I can't
Touch the ground
Just to know its still there
Just to know I am still alive
I feel like a broken doll
Shatter into pieces
Pieces all over the floor
With no one there to put me back together
Will fix me
No one will love me
No one will help me breath
not feel things that is real
not to even to tell me that Im alive
Because of Doctor WhoBecause of Doctor Who I am Afraid of...
2. Christmas trees
5. school food
7. blue tooth devices
10. children's drawings
11. MRI machines
13. gas masks
14. brass bands
17. the dark
21. coma patients
23. ...and hospitals again
25. weight loss pills
30. old ladies
look at the clouds todaywhen i met you, i stopped writing. i also stopped waking up to a face full of post it notes saying things like its bad luck to see the woman before the driving test, or my house smells like apple cider and bluebottles have eyes, or i've got static in my arms. i stopped feeling sorry and i stopped falling down the stairs. i noticed the stars at night could have a story and you could have taken the ocean and put it in your eyes. i also stopped writing.
when i met you, i stopped trying to be a nice person and just was. when i met you, i discovered post it notes and then i couldn't use them. i realised my house was not just a picture of a house and that your silence is so loud and my loud is so quiet. when i met you, i stopped writing and i cut star shapes into my blanket because i couldn't reach the sky, even with a ladder.
when i met you, i traced the map of your bones and filled my hands with yours because i stopped writing. i also stopped walking backwards because i noticed that i coul
Practice Poem - Man In CagePractice Poem - Man in Cage:
When I was young I was taught that pain begets pain,
Anger and animosity, malice and cruelty;
So deeply inflicted, so lovingly gifted.
I tasted of its rotten core and dared to call it sweet.
But what do I have to show for it?
White hot scars that burn in my dreams.
Reminders of a fragmented bi-polar self;
Self inflicted propaganda, to reinforce the "truth".
Truth so lovingly fabricated by a weakness within,
So desperately crying out for vindication;
Openly denying all that might shed light upon me,
Seeking only the company of shades in shadows...
Within four walls I sleep in exile;
Quietly pretending that I am still sane,
Never noticing how it has all turned out;
Alone I remain the same...
Never reaching, never living; I am free within the cage
-Chen Yuan Wen, 1st January 2012
Who We AreWho We Are.
We cant deny who we once were
because who we once were
made us who we are today.
FallaciousYou believe you
speak of truth
yet all I see
Your acid tongue
on my skin
for every single
word you've spoken.
You can only
so much of
your own reality
just to save face.
June 29th, 2010
There was once a mad man who sat on trains and wailed about his dead love.
No one laughed
but no one listened either.
See that freak right down the corridor, smiling and crying at the same time?
His eyes are voids and his hair the colour of his pain.
That's a man without skin.
Headlines: Drunk school girl murders seven classmates.
Could've been anyone.
Broken soldiers march on.
What they care about the most lies in the pocket closest to their hearts.
It is also riddled with bullets and dust.
Blinded lovers might be considered lucky.
Human Nature.Human Nature.
And the ambitious achievers.
Need the realists to stop them from flying too close to the sun.
The logical idealists
And the informed defeatists.
Need the dreamers to show them how some struggles can be won.
You see I am beginning to get the gist,
Of how we all unwittingly coexist.
Neither one can ever be dismissed,
As long as the reign of mankind persists.
As one tries, the other watches.
When one flies, the other dislodges
Stories aimed to defame, name, claim and shame.
Assuring and securing that the harsh reality still remains.