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I think I started writing on rpgs when i was about 14 years old. I'm 29 now and my writing is recently on hiatus but thats like.. a long ass time being around rpgs. I've been through years of complaints and site activity slumps and I always found it a bit funny when someone has a beef with a particular site so they set out to make a fresh, new, exciting rpg that wont have any of the problems the other rpgs have!!! Theres nothing wrong with making new sites. All the best to you, honestly, I freaking love seeing new sites!! The more the merrier!!

But please dont fool yourself into thinking your new site will be more welcoming and that your site wont have the same kind of problems as the one you left. Because let me whisper something to you.......
its not the site.
its the members.


And I dont mean specific members in particular. I mean just.. us.. as human beings. We bring shit. We bring problems. We form cliches of all types (popular cliche, debbie downer cliche, complainer cliche, we want to slightly modify everything so that we're still technically within the rules but also weird enough that we create ripple problems with everyone else cliche, ect ect) and even when we think we have control over that, there will 100% be someone who disagrees. There will be someone, or some people, who are miffed - they asked for someone to form a plot with them and they were rejected, maybe even with the utmost kindness (because lets face it, no one should be forced to write with you if your character just doesn't happen to mesh with theirs). Suddenly, you have a few people who are personally disgruntled because things arent panning out the way they want (eg. they didnt get the rank, they lost the challenge, they feel left out because they didnt get picked for a site wide plot, someone declined a romantic relationship with their character, ect ect). 

Every single site, including your new one, is going to encounter these issues. 
For many staff groups, making everyone feel welcome and included in site plots is the focus of their daily discussions.
They are constantly trying to fix these problems. 

I learned a few things manyyyy years ago about how to successfully enjoy rpgs. I think if everyone took note of these things and really tried to work at them, we would have a lot less problems on all rpg sites.

#1 - IC is NOT OOC. I'll say it louder for the people in the back. IC IS NOT OOC. Please, stop taking IC things personally. An attack on your character is not an attack on you. If you let IC things effect you on a personal level, you're gunna be miffed. Its not a nice feeling. We dont want not nice feelings... this is a game. It's supposed to be for fun.
#2 - Put yourself first. RPGs are games for your enjoyment. Dont do it to please everyone else. The moment writing becomes a job, or a chore, you're in too deep into pleasing others. This means saying no to threads that just wont do it for you. Once you have your thumbs in too many pies, guaranteed it becomes overwhelming and not only will you have to let people down when you start dropping out of threads, you'll have to deal with the guilt of that. Its better to decline upfront. If someone declines you for a plot or a thread, check yourself before you get miffed and understand this point. I've had to deal with this a lot and it's still something I struggle with. It seems I can only personally handle relationships with like, 2-3 other players before I start to weep and that makes me look like a stuck up, very "exclusive" writer, a snob-if you will- but honestly I just cant handle much and that's something I've come to grips with. 
#3 - Try to keep it to yourself. Whoa whoa. I know. This might go against everything we've learned IRL, but this isnt RL. I find with rpgs if you are mad at someone or you feel personally attacked by someone its USUALLY a better idea to just sleep it off and let it go. Really think about this... what are the circumstances? What was said to you? What do you feel was done to you? Its so so hard to communicate genuinely via keyboard.. it could be that you completely misread what was being said or you took it the wrong way (it happens! to everyone!). Is it worth being miffed over? Shrug it off. Laugh it off. Let it be water off a ducks back. It's easy to become immersed in rpgs but this is not real life. Understand that you are dealing with a vast array of ages, cultures, and personalities, all people with thier own problems going on behind the scenes. Does that make it ok for someone to be rude to you? No. But, consider shrugging it off, taking the higher road, and being the better person. Unless someone is clearly humiliating you, blatantly harassing you, bullying you or stealing your shit - try to let it slide. If not, these things tend to snowball.

For example:
Someone sends you a less than friendly PM saying they're kinda miffed about your move in a raid.
They dont think your character should have been capable of such and such a move because your character is weaker and smaller than theirs and they think you should probably check yourself and be more realistic next time. The whole message sucks and you just get an icky feeling from it. You read that message and you think to yourself, what the fuck is up your ass!? My move was fine!! 

You can either.... reply saying "Noted, thanks for your critique I'll consider that next time." or you can say "Ummm sorry??? Idk why you had to be such a bitch about it" and PM staff saying you felt attacked. Staff then addresses your complaint, saying they received a concern from a member about some attitude on their part and that they'd like to resolve the issue peacefully. That person gets pissed off at staff and says staff is taking sides and the whole site is a fucking joke and you're a bitch. That person has friends who back them up and agree that they've been feeling vilified too, ever since that one thing that happened 4 months ago. They all post elaborate, venomous leaving quips and probably put a journal up on DA saying how bad that site sucks and it can lick their balls for all they care. Also, they are gunna make a new site 1000 times more awesome so KEEP AN EYE OUT ;)
It is NOT your fault that all of this happened, but it happens a lot and could be avoided by being the bigger person and taking the first option. 

Unless someone is full on insulting, bullying, harassing, or stealing, I tend to shrug things off. I am not better than anyone else. They are entitled to feel angry towards me and thats ok. I try to empathize with people even when they're not happy with me at the time. And if they dont want to be empathized with.. I block, ignore, and move on my own merry way. I find it works better for everyone.

So those are my morning coffee thoughts. If you run into problems with a site: that site is trying. Probably harder than you know. It is not the "sites" fault, and its not usually the staffs fault either. Remember that staff need to exercise a level of privacy, so if shit hits the fan with your friend and they get banned and you want to know why, or see the proof - they can only say so much. Maybe they cant offer you any explanation and that pisses you off. Staff make choices based on facts and the whole story from all the sides. Rest assured they have those facts, they just cant share it with you for reasons of privacy. You can either choose to be miffed - or not.  If you do decide to make your own site I SUPPORT YOU and I look forward to checking it out!!! Just dont advertise it as problem free. As its popularity grows, it will run into the exact same problems eventually; one way or another.

On that note, any staff who are reading this and dealing with issues like this, I really recommend you just chill and stop trying so hard to fix all the problems. You will never please everyone and unless you can think of an epic plot where each and every character plays an equally important roll, you're not going to accomplish 100% happy members all around, forever. There WILL be thorny members. Dont let them make you lose sleep at night and dont let them lead you to believe your site is a bad one. You're doing your best and its all 'part of the game. 
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:iconmypunknachtmare:
MyPunkNachtmare Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2018
Had one experience where staff of a site set me up to fail. The administrators paired me up with someone who had bullied and sent witch hunts after me. When I politely declined the pairing, staff threatened me and soon after banned me.

I learned a few things.
1. Real life is more important than RP
2. People can be outright hostile 
and 3. When the dust settled, I had my bearings intact. The site barely lasted 4 months and the individuals involved dropped off the web almost entirely. One even posted on social media about excursions and drug use rather frequently...until they finally dropped off.

All in all, I figure it’s best to leave RP in my past. I don’t have the desire to be active on forums and the only other rp I take part in is ARP, although it’s more art plus short story than back and forth role play.
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:iconxxnamaste:
xXNamaste Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thats upsetting :( I'm sorry that set you off of rpg. I can assure you it's not in the interest of *most* staff to act this way, not sure if theres more to the story or what. If not, that's really odd and maybe it's for the best they dropped off. 
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:iconshawnthewolf12:
shawnthewolf12 Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2018  Hobbyist Photographer
This...made things feel better. ;w;
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:iconxxnamaste:
xXNamaste Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Im glad!!!<333
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:iconpsycho-drummer:
Psycho-Drummer Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2018  Hobbyist Photographer
thANK YOU
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:icongrbane:
Grbane Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2018
All I can say is that it is stuff like this (and possibly other things you haven't even mentioned here) that is why I don't RP anymore.

The only exception I make is with people I've already worked with before, and people I know I work well with and who I am actually gonna get along with pretty well. Particularly since years of experience, not to mention trial and error, have also shown me how many control-freak tendencies I have, what types of personalities set me off, and how in some ways... I have had attitude problems that have contributed to drama within RPs and I know that in certain areas, I just don't play well with others. :/

In a lot of ways... I think part of the key is just knowing one's own limits and short-comings, and... I also feel that (According to my own rose-colored, ivory tower, idealistic mindset anyway) that it's not a good idea to jump into an RP with a group of people until everybody is sure they can get along well together and they are compatible... to me, RPing or co-authoring over the years has almost been like... well, akin to dating. Sometimes you find that one person whom your mind and your style click awesomely with, like a match made in Heaven, other times it's like grating sand-paper where you wish you'd never paired up with this person.

And sorta like dating, it requires good communication skills and sometimes, like a one-time fling, you have one excellent bout with them and then it's over and you either never see them again, or the magic is gone and when it's over it's over...
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:iconfleabittengray:
fleabittengray Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
oh gods i wish more people understood this 
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:iconnocturnalowlet:
nocturnalowlet Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Clap Clap Clap

But really though, preach. I love everything about this journal.
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:iconwhisperinghoof:
whisperinghoof Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
thank you for bringing up many valid points that we all, at times, forget amidst everything that is going on in our worlds. :heart:
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:iconnorthgull:
NorthGull Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
God xXNamaste, I wish I could favorite this one thousand times, shout it to the world, force everyone to read it and acknowledge it and read it again until it seeps into their very bones.

We're all here for the same reason, and I think along the way, many people have forgotten that reason ~ we're too entrenched in who is our friend, who is lying, who is supporting our endeavors (both IC and OOC), who is thwarting those endeavors, who said that someone else said this so that person needs to be publicly reprimanded and the world shown that they're a monster incapable of emotion... it goes on and on and on.

Everything you said... is so spot on. Thank you, thank you, thank you. 

:heart: :heart: :heart: 
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:iconlilpetals:
lilpetals Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2018
Having been in the rpg community myself since I was 13, and now just turning 23, I AGREE WITH THIS SO MUCH !! Lemme just rip out my bones and bang them on pots for people to BE AWARE of what's being said here because it is SO TRUE!

Tbh, I dunno if it's because I'm older now or what? But I just don't have tHE TIME for petty little online arguments? Especially over a roleplay, in game, etc! MY FREE TIME IS PRECIOUS, so no, shocker, I don't actually want to get in a spit off with someone else over the technicalities of why my character did whatever in whatever roleplay. I think it's really valuable though to continue to PRESS and REMIND others like, "hey, is getting actually angry about this irl REALLY worth your time?" because 99.9999999999% of the time NO it's not, and you'll save a lot of grievances on everyone's part by just taking a deep breath and being a class act! --AND THIS IS NOT HARD TO DO.

Anyway, rant over, but thank you for this!! Really worth reading!
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:iconmagtox:
magtox Featured By Owner Edited Jun 25, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm with you completely on this. I feel like I'm so old and crotchety anymore about those little arguments.
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:iconlilpetals:
lilpetals Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2018
mE TOO!!
grumpy old folks ayyyyye
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:iconmagtox:
magtox Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
git off my lawn!
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:iconorinscrivello:
orinscrivello Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
What are some good current websites? I used to be a near power user of warriorcatsrpg ( a book series I never even read :0) which turned in feralfront and had some offshoot. I love to join another.
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:iconxxnamaste:
xXNamaste Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
The only one I rp on regularly is SS sordid-secrets.com (fantasy wolf) but theres also stellarcollision.icyboards.net… which is a fantasy deer rpg that I've been wanting to try, but it's moving hosting sites so registration isnt available at this time. If you're interested you can join their Discord and keep an eye out for their new domain! Best thing to do I find is to go to sites and check out their affiliates and sister sites :)
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:iconorinscrivello:
orinscrivello Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hmm I don't know I can do feral agian like I did when I was younger but all human rp seems hipstery/stuck up. I'll try a feral site avian. 
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:iconmizujinx:
MizuJinx Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2018  Professional General Artist
Regardless of where you are this stands true- in the real world or the digital one.  I've seen this type of thing (nasty human beings really) taking over workplaces, public places, and all the places.   A lot of people say - "well I'm not the problem here".  But that description of a critique of a move done by a player hits the nail on the head.  I'm not sure why people take critique so personally... It's a tool for assistance, not put-downs.  Thanks for sharing, I don't play RPGs simply because I'm *that* introverted, but thanks nonetheless :kitty:
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:iconcholie:
cholie Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2018
Thank you so much for writing this journal!!!
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:icona-yellow-bird:
a-yellow-bird Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I’m pretty far removed from the on going drama but I’ve been reading about it nonetheless. This journal really resonated with me as an RPer (especially some of the stuff I’ve seen lately on my own site). 

No no one needs to /like/ each other but we should at least try to be civil to everyone. It’s a hobby and a community and who wants to be part of a community that is toxic? Not me.  But /everyone/ is responsible, and even I’ve messed up and contributed to the occasional dumpster fire. And I totally acknowledge that. And we all move on. 

Thanks for saying these things!
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:icona-yellow-bird:
a-yellow-bird Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks.... phone... for turning every apostrophe into symbols...
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:iconxxnamaste:
xXNamaste Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hahhaa damn phones!! Yes me too I have definitely handled things in a less than favorable way in the past. Thats how you learn what not to do for next time :) Its all good friend, thank you for commenting I'm glad you enjoyed the read :heart:
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:iconhowowlish:
howowlish Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Ilu, beautiful stranger. Lol I'm 28 and I've seen it all and more, done it all and learned from it. RPing is beautiful and chaotic and a headache but worth every bit of you have a good group. I AM creating a new site, started with a couple friends, but I haven't RPd in a little while, so it's not to get away from anything. I'm not naive enough to think we won't ever have problems, though. I might subtly drop a link to this post somewhere on there lol. 😉
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:iconxxnamaste:
xXNamaste Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hahhaa that would totally be ok with me!! What kind of site are you opening? I'm stoked to see it!!
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:iconhowowlish:
howowlish Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
A private HARPG, with more literary focus than normal. It's super WIP, but the link will be eveHARPG when it's done.
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:iconalittlefancy:
alittlefancy Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2018
-aggressive slow clapping-
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:iconrensknight:
RensKnight Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
Gah...all the drama...that’s why I got put off of RPing and will never go back. :(
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:iconxxslow-burnxx:
XxSlow-BurnxX Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Told as it should, Nams!!!!
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:iconghostlyspirit:
ghostlyspirit Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2018  Student Digital Artist
ACK  YOURE THE BESTEST EVER :heart: 
I love you.
That is all. .
 
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:iconge-oh:
ge-oh Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
THIS IS AWESOME
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:iconmrsevelyn:
MrsEvelyn Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
"we want to slightly modify everything so that we're still technically within the rules but also weird enough that we create ripple problems with everyone else cliche" 

I lost it at this point, it's so painfully true.
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:iconxxnamaste:
xXNamaste Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
LIKE YES, I GUESS YOU CAN TECHNICALLY DO THAT BUT I CAN ALREADY SMELL THE FUMES FROM THIS SPIRALING OUT OF CONTROL. 
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:iconmrsevelyn:
MrsEvelyn Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
LOLOL. I co-ran a wolf RP that is nearly 10 years old now. People look at our rule book and they are like "Why is this a rule?"
Us: I DUNNO MAYBE CAUSE LIKE 50 PEOPLE KEPT TRYING TO SKIRT AROUND THIS RULE SO WE HAD TO MAKE IT FOOLPROOF. TEST US AGAIN AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
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:iconsirensmist:
Sirensmist Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2018
DUDE YES! Thank you Nams! Also, I miss you so much! <3
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:iconverridith:
Verridith Featured By Owner Edited Jun 20, 2018  Professional General Artist
THIS SO MUCH. This needs to be shouted from the rooftops of everywhere, and I agree completely. Like, who even has time for shit drama anymore? I don't! xD I think the only thing I would add as a note to admins who want to have a successful site is this: no matter how many problems you run into, don't give up. Own that site. Work it. Stick with it. You will find your amazing core members that will stay with you through everything, friends you will cherish for many, many years.

I've dealt with idiots, dramamongers, manipulative folks who want to destroy my site and I, very blatant thieves, and I have survived them all and thrived. You all can too! Role-play is for fun; a creative endeavor that builds community and forges friendships that may endure for all time. My site is 15 years old this year, and I have no doubt that my incredible staff team and I will be able to maintain it for years to come.

Yeah, there are always going to be idiots out there who want to find problems to shout about. Yeah, there are always gonna be bullies, thieves, manipulators, etc etc etc. You awesome, chill admins who follow this journal's advice will come across those bad seeds, you will boot them in the face, and you will go on with your life while those dumbasses go on to spread misery elsewhere. But you! You are badass, and you are an admin that will last for as long as the world, because you foster an awesome community where you can have fun in. You're dedicated. You can do this. <3

Drama is like a storm; you weather it and move on, or you get swept away with the tide. Be the mountain, not the tree.
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:iconjaehxhollywood:
JaehxHollywood Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2018
Yesssss all the truth thank you xoxo
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:icondrinksonus:
DrinksOnUs Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Preach my queen of queens
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:iconetkri:
Etkri Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2018  Student General Artist
screams this to the heavens
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:iconnoctiilucent:
noctiilucent Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you for this :heart:
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:iconredemptari:
redemptari Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2018  Hobbyist Artist
PREACCHHHHH 👏 :heart: /highkey in love with this journal 
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:iconnikkayla:
Nikkayla Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2018  Professional Digital Artist
:heart:
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:iconthextempest:
ThexTempest Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2018
love you nams <3 thank you for your awesome words!
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:iconmelancholycoyote:
melancholycoyote Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
SO wise. everyone should read this :heart:
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:iconxxsuzerain:
xxSuzerain Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
THIS
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:iconbluthexe-verbena:
Bluthexe-Verbena Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
Thumbs Up 
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:iconmekomiya:
Mekomiya Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2018  Student Artist
SAY IT AGAIN FOR ALL THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!!
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:iconkaons:
kaons Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
"its not the site.
its the members."
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:icondreamsnare:
Dreamsnare Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
How is there not a like button? I'm very oblivious to everything - I've seen a couple of posts now regarding certain behaviour on sites and things blowing up. And I'm like ??? Regardless of me knowing what the heck is going on wherever, and regardless of me not having encountered these problems myself as a member or admin (yet), I think this is such an important message and said very thoughtfully.
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:iconxxnamaste:
xXNamaste Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I've been seeing them too; hence this journal lol. I've been on hiatus from rpg for well over a month now so I have no idea what's going on either, but over the years I've seen sooo many ups and downs and this is just kind of my word vomit on the matter lol. Thank you I'm glad you enjoyed the read! 
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:iconvethysnia:
vethysnia Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
*fans self with bible in the back* mmmmmHMM. 
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