But please dont fool yourself into thinking your new site will be more welcoming and that your site wont have the same kind of problems as the one you left. Because let me whisper something to you.......
its not the site.
its the members.
And I dont mean specific members in particular. I mean just.. us.. as human beings. We bring shit. We bring problems. We form cliches of all types (popular cliche, debbie downer cliche, complainer cliche, we want to slightly modify everything so that we're still technically within the rules but also weird enough that we create ripple problems with everyone else cliche, ect ect) and even when we think we have control over that, there will 100% be someone who disagrees. There will be someone, or some people, who are miffed - they asked for someone to form a plot with them and they were rejected, maybe even with the utmost kindness (because lets face it, no one should be forced to write with you if your character just doesn't happen to mesh with theirs). Suddenly, you have a few people who are personally disgruntled because things arent panning out the way they want (eg. they didnt get the rank, they lost the challenge, they feel left out because they didnt get picked for a site wide plot, someone declined a romantic relationship with their character, ect ect).
Every single site, including your new one, is going to encounter these issues.
For many staff groups, making everyone feel welcome and included in site plots is the focus of their daily discussions.
They are constantly trying to fix these problems.
They are constantly trying to fix these problems.
I learned a few things manyyyy years ago about how to successfully enjoy rpgs. I think if everyone took note of these things and really tried to work at them, we would have a lot less problems on all rpg sites.
#1 - IC is NOT OOC. I'll say it louder for the people in the back. IC IS NOT OOC. Please, stop taking IC things personally. An attack on your character is not an attack on you. If you let IC things effect you on a personal level, you're gunna be miffed. Its not a nice feeling. We dont want not nice feelings... this is a game. It's supposed to be for fun.
#2 - Put yourself first. RPGs are games for your enjoyment. Dont do it to please everyone else. The moment writing becomes a job, or a chore, you're in too deep into pleasing others. This means saying no to threads that just wont do it for you. Once you have your thumbs in too many pies, guaranteed it becomes overwhelming and not only will you have to let people down when you start dropping out of threads, you'll have to deal with the guilt of that. Its better to decline upfront. If someone declines you for a plot or a thread, check yourself before you get miffed and understand this point. I've had to deal with this a lot and it's still something I struggle with. It seems I can only personally handle relationships with like, 2-3 other players before I start to weep and that makes me look like a stuck up, very "exclusive" writer, a snob-if you will- but honestly I just cant handle much and that's something I've come to grips with.
#3 - Try to keep it to yourself. Whoa whoa. I know. This might go against everything we've learned IRL, but this isnt RL. I find with rpgs if you are mad at someone or you feel personally attacked by someone its USUALLY a better idea to just sleep it off and let it go. Really think about this... what are the circumstances? What was said to you? What do you feel was done to you? Its so so hard to communicate genuinely via keyboard.. it could be that you completely misread what was being said or you took it the wrong way (it happens! to everyone!). Is it worth being miffed over? Shrug it off. Laugh it off. Let it be water off a ducks back. It's easy to become immersed in rpgs but this is not real life. Understand that you are dealing with a vast array of ages, cultures, and personalities, all people with thier own problems going on behind the scenes. Does that make it ok for someone to be rude to you? No. But, consider shrugging it off, taking the higher road, and being the better person. Unless someone is clearly humiliating you, blatantly harassing you, bullying you or stealing your shit - try to let it slide. If not, these things tend to snowball.
Someone sends you a less than friendly PM saying they're kinda miffed about your move in a raid.
They dont think your character should have been capable of such and such a move because your character is weaker and smaller than theirs and they think you should probably check yourself and be more realistic next time. The whole message sucks and you just get an icky feeling from it. You read that message and you think to yourself, what the fuck is up your ass!? My move was fine!!
You can either.... reply saying "Noted, thanks for your critique I'll consider that next time." or you can say "Ummm sorry??? Idk why you had to be such a bitch about it" and PM staff saying you felt attacked. Staff then addresses your complaint, saying they received a concern from a member about some attitude on their part and that they'd like to resolve the issue peacefully. That person gets pissed off at staff and says staff is taking sides and the whole site is a fucking joke and you're a bitch. That person has friends who back them up and agree that they've been feeling vilified too, ever since that one thing that happened 4 months ago. They all post elaborate, venomous leaving quips and probably put a journal up on DA saying how bad that site sucks and it can lick their balls for all they care. Also, they are gunna make a new site 1000 times more awesome so KEEP AN EYE OUT
It is NOT your fault that all of this happened, but it happens a lot and could be avoided by being the bigger person and taking the first option.
Unless someone is full on insulting, bullying, harassing, or stealing, I tend to shrug things off. I am not better than anyone else. They are entitled to feel angry towards me and thats ok. I try to empathize with people even when they're not happy with me at the time. And if they dont want to be empathized with.. I block, ignore, and move on my own merry way. I find it works better for everyone.
So those are my morning coffee thoughts. If you run into problems with a site: that site is trying. Probably harder than you know. It is not the "sites" fault, and its not usually the staffs fault either. Remember that staff need to exercise a level of privacy, so if shit hits the fan with your friend and they get banned and you want to know why, or see the proof - they can only say so much. Maybe they cant offer you any explanation and that pisses you off. Staff make choices based on facts and the whole story from all the sides. Rest assured they have those facts, they just cant share it with you for reasons of privacy. You can either choose to be miffed - or not. If you do decide to make your own site I SUPPORT YOU and I look forward to checking it out!!! Just dont advertise it as problem free. As its popularity grows, it will run into the exact same problems eventually; one way or another.
On that note, any staff who are reading this and dealing with issues like this, I really recommend you just chill and stop trying so hard to fix all the problems. You will never please everyone and unless you can think of an epic plot where each and every character plays an equally important roll, you're not going to accomplish 100% happy members all around, forever. There WILL be thorny members. Dont let them make you lose sleep at night and dont let them lead you to believe your site is a bad one. You're doing your best and its all 'part of the game.