Chapter One/Capítulo Uno/Chapitre Un: My Existence/Mi Existencia/Mon Existence
It is time.
Seventeen. For seventeen straight Pokemon Years, I have lived under my brother, Incineroar’s shadow. And I am tired of it. Sure, he’s musically talented and gets all the girls, but that doesn’t mean that he can control his ‘sugar fetish’, or that I can control my anger. Or my obsession with anything Mario, Sonic or Pokemon related. Just kidding, I’m not obsessed with Mario- it’s not really my childhood.
I grab my plastic Poke Ball, walk into my room, and plop onto my bed. Incineroar and I share a stash of candy beneath my bed, each getting what brands we like. He likes everything chocolatey, and I love the caramel filled candies. So, I grab a few of the Milky Ways and Twixes and stuff them in my drawers. I lay there beneath my Froakie and Litten plush toys for a few minutes, and think about what my mother had scolded at me about. And for those few minutes, I felt like I was in Toy Story. I could feel them scolding at me like how my mother did every time I did the slightest thing wrong.
“Don’t listen to them, Kiawe…” I tried persuading myself.
I just don’t understand why I can’t be normal, like my brother. I mean, we make mistakes, so, why am I the one getting yelled at, like, 90 percent of the time?
Then, my brother came up to my room. “Kiawe, did you unpack the boxes that Mom put in your room?” He asked.
“Yes, Incineroar, I did,” I replied.
“Alright, just making sure,” said Incineroar.
“Hey, Incineroar, I was gonna ask if you wanted to play some Pokken later, after you have unpacked the stuff in your room, but I see you’re gonna be busy later tonight, so that’s forgotten.”
“Not busy later tonight. But don’t forget that we have to go to a new school tomorrow,” Incineroar reminded me.
… Right. I forgot, now that we’re living in Oklahoma and not in California, I do have to go to a new school with my brother. We may or may not like it there, because two Pokemon that neither of us really know about/really like/are really acquainted with are there, but personally, I would wanna get to know them. Plus it’s not like I really liked Alakazam in person, because he was an unapologetic dick for killing Blaziken’s twin sister, nor did I really like Gallade for acting like a total douchebag towards his fans. Okay, Mewtwo and Lucario, I’ve heard of every now and then, but now they’re making hits together with that hedgehog that I’ve never even heard of as a group known as… Twenty One Pilots, or something like that. I just hope that they don’t act like total fuckwads towards me or Incineroar, cause you know how I am- I tear up shit if I get mad, and call people every Arceus damn name in the book, and believe me, Incineroar does the same thing. And yet I wonder how my brother still has a music career after all this shit happened in California. Also, if I remember closely, during one of the summers in California, I almost fucked Blaziken over! And let me tell you, it wasn’t the most pleasant experience I’ve ever had- it was so damn awkward, and I also got scolded at by her parents for doing it with her. For doing it. I’m like “Well, what the fuck is wrong with her parents?! Can’t they take a fucking chill pill for once?!” Plus, it wasn’t like Alakazam did it with her at all- he nearly fucked her sister, Combusken twice, though. Yeah. He almost got her pregnant twice. Oh wait, it’s not like I almost lost my fucking you-know-what to Blaziken- she was in love with me. With ME. A fugly looking Torracat/Incineroar fusion with no muscle and all scrawn- and hell yeah, I’m saying this negative shit about myself just because I simply don’t give two fucks anymore about things.
I grab my iPhone 7+, connect it to my pair of wireless Beats by Dr. Dre headphones via Bluetooth, and listen to very loud Evanescence music. Some nights, I just wanna wish upon the Andromedic stars and just simply be normal, and not an autistic emo freak. I swear, my heart is literally being torn out with every scolding I endure. I just wanna be happy, be normal… be loved.
And it starts. Now.
My mom came upstairs. “Hey, Kiawe… I just wanna apologize to you, for… all the times I’ve yelled at you. I know it’s not gonna undo your current behavior patterns, but I just thought it’d be nice to apologize to you.”
“Thanks, Mom,” I replied. “You can come into my room if you’d like.”
“That was nice of you, Kiawe. Do you want any pizza?”
“If Dad and Incineroar didn’t eat it all, I would, but they did, so…”
“I saved a piece for ya,” said Mom. “Meat lovers, just the way you like it.”
“Thanks,” I replied.
“No problem,” she exclaimed. Mom then turned around and looked at the plate. “That’s funny, I thought I told Incineroar to leave a piece for you.”
I sighed. “Damn his food fetish…”
“I think I left it downstairs…”
Mom went downstairs to get the slice of pizza. “He eats so much, that I just don’t get how he remains the same weight. Does he play football? Cause if so, then he has to be the smallest player on the team. 183.7 lbs. My ass, Incineroar…” I sighed, annoyed.
Then I realized, that there may be something that Incineroar is up to. Maybe he has type one diabetes. And then after that, my phone started ringing. You guessed it, it was my ex-girlfriend, Blaziken.
“Hey, baby… guess who just moved here?”
“Yep, me! I guess now you and I get more time together.”
Erm… about that…
“I’m okay if you’re seeing someone else. This is an open relationship, remember?”
Yeah… I’m sorry, Kiawe…
“Remember the time that I nearly fucked you over?”
My parents scolded at us for doing it. It was so fucking awkward how they heard us grunting so loudly, though… plus, it’s not like Alakazam fucked me over- although he almost got my sister pregnant twice, that dick…
“You stole the words right out of my mouth!”
Yours is much better than his, to be honest with ya.
“But the awkward feeling is much worse than my brother’s Death-by-Chocolate cake fetish.”
*laughs* Your brother has a chocolate cake fetish?! That’s the most insane thing that I’ve ever heard!
“It sounds insane, but it is true. My brother really does have a chocolate cake fetish.”
I wonder how he stays the same weight, though. Does he do insane amounts of exercise?
“Maybe he’s part of the local football team.”
The HaLaw Falcons? Maybe. Wait, that’s the name of the local basketball team.
“You mean the HaLaw Braviary?”
“The HaLaw Bulldogs?”
That’s the one. I’ll have to check the roster when I have the time.
“Okay.” I then look over to my bedroom door to see my mom and my brother standing there.
“Who are you talking to?” Mom asked.
I then hang up. “I was talking to my ex-girlfriend. Why?”
“I overheard you saying that you did it with her,” Incineroar implied.
“Yes, I did it with her, it was awkward, so her and I are just remaining friends.”
“Good. Because I was afraid that you could have gotten her pregnant with your child,” spat Incineroar.
“And what’s this about a chocolate cake fetish, hm?” Mom asked.
And honestly, I did not know how to answer that.
“Kiawe, there’s a difference between a love for something and having an absurd fetish. Just because I have the worst case of a sweet tooth doesn’t imply that I have a fetish,” Incineroar laughed a bit.
“Look, Incineroar, I love you, but you gotta cut back on the sweets,” I sighed.
“ … I’ll try.”
Then, they walked out of my room. “Hell yeah fucking right, Incineroar,” I muttered under my breath.
My phone rang again.
Hey, babe, why’d you hang up?
“My mom and my brother overheard our conversation. Sorry…”
They eavesdrop a lot, do they?
“Yeah, they do. It’s mostly Incineroar’s fault. He needs to fucking mind his own business.”
I agree with ya 100%, Kiawe.
“I’m like ‘What the fuck is wrong with you, Incineroar? Did you take any eavesdropper pills today?’ Like, seriously, he needs to fucking stop before I get fed up with this shit.”
Whoa, calm down.
“No! I find it horseshit that he has every right to do what he wants and that I don’t!”
Kiawe, I mean it- calm down before I have no choice but to talk to Incineroar myself.
“Want me to give you his cell phone number?”
I then whisper my brother’s cell phone number into my phone.
Ah. Thanks. I’ll call him later on.
“Alright,” I said before I hung up again.
Then, I laughed so hard at the memory where Blaziken accidentally spilled her ice cream over my shirt, that I almost pissed my pants.. Of course, I was a little mad at her, but I couldn’t stay like that for long. So, I had to take off my shirt and show her my abs in front of my own brother. My own brother. And of course, he was pissed. Like “Y u Rickroll me” pissed. Well, more like jealous. I swear, it felt like he was chasing my ass at that time. … erm, I would be safer to say that the ice cream got all over Blaziken, too, so she had to take her shirt off. But then her brother got pissed off at her for taking her shirt off in public, even though she had a fucking shirt underneath it (more like spaghetti-strapped tank top). Still, it’s nothing to get ticked about. And I call this memory #RickRolldTwiceOver. “That was so motherfucking awkward,” I sighed as I chuckled.