I finally made the tough decision to end things. It's official. I won't be deactivating this account, but I'm not going to sign in again after today. I'll be cancelling my core membership. Everyone is free to contact me anytime through text: (302) 715-1996 or email: email@example.com
[DISCLAIMER: Hunibi has brought to my attention that this journal came off as offensive (Please also refer to our comment conversation below for more). I am so, so, sorry! I didn't mean for it to come off that way. I carelessly and unknowingly allowed my resentment to show through, and from that I said a lot of things that came off as "holier-than-thou"-sounding, and I genuinely apologize! I have no issue at all with people watching anime, drawing, and giving stories to their OCs. I only have an issue with it when it becomes obsessive because that is what happened to me but that does not mean I think lowly of those who are obsessive because everyone is entitled to live life the way they want to. I personally allowed such things (like watching anime and stuff) to consume my life in an unhealthy way, and looking back and reflecting upon myself, I really wish I had spent that time being more healthy, experiencing new things, and seeing what more life has to offer. This is not to say that people who watch anime and draw are unhealthy and don't experience new things. I really am not trying to attack anybody and their choices or way of life. I am solely attacking my past choices and my past way of life. The negative things I said in this journal are solely directed at myself and not at anyone else. I hope this clears up any misunderstandings, and I'll say it again in case anyone missed it: I have no issue at all with artists who draw anime and give stories to OCs and etc. I only have an issue with how I personally carried out such activities in the way that I personally did and let them prevent me from growing as a person and living my life to the fullest. Thank you for understanding, and again, I'm really, really sorry about that!]
Things have changed. My life made a complete 180 degrees 8 months ago (and even long before that things were already slowly changing) and I am no longer the person I used to be. I don't watch anime, read manga, or draw in anime/manga style anymore. Other areas in my life have gained priority and I've started pursuing other interests (like rock climbing and snowboarding). When I do draw, I draw in a realistic style with a traditional medium (I've switched from digital to traditional) and prefer drawing people in said style, animals, and nature. I've also started creating works in pyrography which I find highly enjoyable and relaxing.
I started growing and seeing my potential. I started learning things and seeing the world for what it really is. I've become a grown woman, no longer some college girl with the mindset of a 17-year-old.
And when you find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, almost every aspect of your life is affected and you start seeing things in yourself you've never seen before.
I have struggled so much trying to "keep up" on this website, and it's because dA and anime and everything no longer have a place in my life. I always knew it deep down but never wanted to admit it until now. Probably no one remembers but I made a YouTube video a year ago or something and embedded it into a journal here on dA saying that dA and anime served as outlets for my depression. Obviously, with that logic, I can't and won't and don't want to go on dA or watch anime or read manga unless I am depressed, but since I now don't have any interest in any of that anymore, even when I am depressed, I don't reach out for those things anymore.
When I do face an episode of depression, instead of being alone and turning to escapism (spending hours drawing, watching anime, reading manga, and spending time on dA), I don't remain indoors by myself, I go outside in nature with people who care about me and do things I love that are physical and get my body moving. I also have good, healthy habits in place and someone who loves me for who I am.
A few years ago, my dream was to teach English in Japan and then become a mangaka. Now, my backup dream (in case that dream of becoming a mangaka wasn't achievable, given its nature) has become my main dream and that dream is to become an elementary school teacher. I have a huge passion for children and education, and it has become my life goal to be compassionate towards myself, my peers, and the world around me.
I now care about things I didn't care about and/or had no knowledge or awareness of before, like Big Pharma, how the Federal Reserve calls the shots, the ethical treatment of animals, the environment and how we humans are destroying it, children going through so much suffering all over the world, capitalism and its effects on our consumerist society, etc. The fact I showed little care and/or awareness shows just how immature and ignorant I was and how I was unable to look outside of myself and outside of fictitious worlds. It makes me sad to look back and see that I didn't know anything before. It's not surprising since I spent all of my free time sitting in my room at my parents' house watching anime, giving stories to my OCs, drawing, and surfing the web instead of going out to live on my own and enjoying an adventurous life that is free and beautiful.
I'm sorry for not being here when people needed me. I will miss my friends on here (you know who you are). Maybe someday we'll cross paths in real life.
If I owe anybody commissions (I know I do), please contact me via text or email for a refund.
Otherwise, I hope each and every one of you finds happiness.
These photos are just TINY, TINY GLIMPSES of what my life looks like now. Sadly the most exciting moments I experienced this year weren't captured because they were too darn exciting to pause and snapshot it!
Silver / Mei / Michelle Khuu