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F
First Day on the Ship
Ziadi swam through dreams. The images were muddled, as if someone had poured colored inks into a bowl of water and swirled, leaving such a distortion that she could make little sense of anything. Numbing pain rolled dully through her head and down her spine, settling in the pit of her stomach like winter sludge. The ground rocked beneath her knees, and she swayed with the motion, side to side like a rattler drunk on pipe music. Hours passed. Or perhaps days, or weeks. Or maybe it was only a few seconds. Not that it mattered, as she slowly, but steadily, regained herself. First to return was the part of her brain that handled logic well She
S
Skipped this..., smallish
     Kyrian loved the taste of fear – the wide eyes and the sound of screams. He loved being the one to cause fear.     Even cloaked in the skin of a beast, his roars of laughter carried far out across the beach, echoing like cannon blasts against the high castle walls. The measly crowd of men who had streamed so confidently out of the keep just a few moments ago now howled in fright, dropping their weapons into the sand. Kyrian feinted a lunge in their direction; they barely had time to plant their feet before their legs started working desperately in an attempt to get back to the door. He opened his enormous lungs and let out a bello
S
Sure, why not?
(Pretend everyone is knocked out. MAGICALLY. Yeah I'm lazy, deal.) Cecilia woke with a start, gasping for air. She felt tears roll down her eyes. Some name was caught in her throat, but it faded away like a dream before it could be spoken. She willed herself to calm down. What had she been thinking about? It was very hazy, but... Her head hurt. She blinked and looked around. Pale sunlight streamed through the hatch. The salty ocean air was there, but it was somehow different. Seagulls cawed above the ship. There was a slow creaking of the ship as it rolled back and forth like a cradle. Then she noticed the newly made prisoners. Instead o
O
Okay Otter, runnin this by you
     There is a small patch of woods that lies just a few miles from the Great Palace of the Mountains, a sliver of what was once a great forest before the Myrangians settled the valley. It is filled with spindly, groping trees, stooped and bent over each other like so many old men, their straggly beards of lichen draped like robes over thin, rattling bones. A mist rises up in the evenings and settles in between the trunks, and lingers there like cotton until the late morning of the next day.      Older children of the surrounding villages spook the youngest to tears with stories of the wood
U
Ummm...all aboard
     There was a moment of stunned silence. Even the puny princess stopped her  blubbering and stared glass-eyed at the stranger wielding a sword just inches from the terrified face of the pale fur man.      Rose pushed Terfin aside so she could stare at him full on. Her heart beat like islander drums, her fingers shook as she placed her hands on her hips and felt for the pommel of her dagger, but she set her stance and hide her fear. She glanced back from the stranger to the furry prisoner and back, thinking hard.      Well, all they wanted was the princes
Map thing
0
0
T
This is how you do it.
Isaac held his arms out for balance. The ship rocked back and forth as steadily as a metronome. His stomach lurched, and he tried to push back the seasickness. He was glad that a fishing boat had been carelessly left at the shore, or else he would've had no way to reach the ship the now-unconscious pirate had pointed out to him. The briny wind picked up and made his hair move like weeds in water. Stars faded out behind thick clouds, and only linings of moonlight made their way to Earth. He squinted. There was no one he could make out in the darkness, and the only sound was the occasional wooden groan from the ship. He moved with painful slow
P
Pirate meets princess - unfini
     Rose paced the Throne Room with a fury while Gallagher began to negotiate with Beolagh. How could they have forgotten the princess? It was one thing to have captured the king, and his own vanity might have sufficed, but without the child to threaten, how could they force him to do anything?      “Each of my men get an equal share of loot, save for me and my mate.”      “I’ll give you nothing but a long-winded death!”      “I want them each pardoned under law for all prior crimes.”    &
b
blergh
Isaac snuck onto a ship through the window, which was weird since ships didn't have windows. He instantly killed three pirates with one punch, and the fourth one he kicked so hard that, due to the momentum and logarithmic function, the pirate flew through 10 brick walls and fell into the ocean. So basically the ship had a four-man crew. Anyway. He then searched the ship and lo and behold! found the wingress. Isaac was all like, "Hell yeah!" But the wingress was all chained up and Isaac didn't know what to do. So he was like.. "That sucks." And then he starts sawing at it with his sword, but dun dun duuuun, the pirate he threw overboard had br
I
:::Isaac enters castle:::
Isaac felt as if lightning shot down the back of his neck. The silence haunted the archways and stone crevices in the wrong way, the way it did right before a battle begun. He closed the distance between himself and an entrance to the castle as lightly as he could, but he resisted the urge to unsheathe his sword. He could be mistaken about the tense atmosphere, and he did not want to look paranoid by launching himself at a servant. However, something was definitely off. There was no casual chatter or noises. He forced himself to walk cautiously. He scoured the area around him without turning his head. A shriek trilled and hung in the air, co
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F
First Day on the Ship
Ziadi swam through dreams. The images were muddled, as if someone had poured colored inks into a bowl of water and swirled, leaving such a distortion that she could make little sense of anything. Numbing pain rolled dully through her head and down her spine, settling in the pit of her stomach like winter sludge. The ground rocked beneath her knees, and she swayed with the motion, side to side like a rattler drunk on pipe music. Hours passed. Or perhaps days, or weeks. Or maybe it was only a few seconds. Not that it mattered, as she slowly, but steadily, regained herself. First to return was the part of her brain that handled logic well She
S
Skipped this..., smallish
     Kyrian loved the taste of fear – the wide eyes and the sound of screams. He loved being the one to cause fear.     Even cloaked in the skin of a beast, his roars of laughter carried far out across the beach, echoing like cannon blasts against the high castle walls. The measly crowd of men who had streamed so confidently out of the keep just a few moments ago now howled in fright, dropping their weapons into the sand. Kyrian feinted a lunge in their direction; they barely had time to plant their feet before their legs started working desperately in an attempt to get back to the door. He opened his enormous lungs and let out a bello
S
Sure, why not?
(Pretend everyone is knocked out. MAGICALLY. Yeah I'm lazy, deal.) Cecilia woke with a start, gasping for air. She felt tears roll down her eyes. Some name was caught in her throat, but it faded away like a dream before it could be spoken. She willed herself to calm down. What had she been thinking about? It was very hazy, but... Her head hurt. She blinked and looked around. Pale sunlight streamed through the hatch. The salty ocean air was there, but it was somehow different. Seagulls cawed above the ship. There was a slow creaking of the ship as it rolled back and forth like a cradle. Then she noticed the newly made prisoners. Instead o
O
Okay Otter, runnin this by you
     There is a small patch of woods that lies just a few miles from the Great Palace of the Mountains, a sliver of what was once a great forest before the Myrangians settled the valley. It is filled with spindly, groping trees, stooped and bent over each other like so many old men, their straggly beards of lichen draped like robes over thin, rattling bones. A mist rises up in the evenings and settles in between the trunks, and lingers there like cotton until the late morning of the next day.      Older children of the surrounding villages spook the youngest to tears with stories of the wood
U
Ummm...all aboard
     There was a moment of stunned silence. Even the puny princess stopped her  blubbering and stared glass-eyed at the stranger wielding a sword just inches from the terrified face of the pale fur man.      Rose pushed Terfin aside so she could stare at him full on. Her heart beat like islander drums, her fingers shook as she placed her hands on her hips and felt for the pommel of her dagger, but she set her stance and hide her fear. She glanced back from the stranger to the furry prisoner and back, thinking hard.      Well, all they wanted was the princes
Map thing
0
0
T
This is how you do it.
Isaac held his arms out for balance. The ship rocked back and forth as steadily as a metronome. His stomach lurched, and he tried to push back the seasickness. He was glad that a fishing boat had been carelessly left at the shore, or else he would've had no way to reach the ship the now-unconscious pirate had pointed out to him. The briny wind picked up and made his hair move like weeds in water. Stars faded out behind thick clouds, and only linings of moonlight made their way to Earth. He squinted. There was no one he could make out in the darkness, and the only sound was the occasional wooden groan from the ship. He moved with painful slow
P
Pirate meets princess - unfini
     Rose paced the Throne Room with a fury while Gallagher began to negotiate with Beolagh. How could they have forgotten the princess? It was one thing to have captured the king, and his own vanity might have sufficed, but without the child to threaten, how could they force him to do anything?      “Each of my men get an equal share of loot, save for me and my mate.”      “I’ll give you nothing but a long-winded death!”      “I want them each pardoned under law for all prior crimes.”    &
b
blergh
Isaac snuck onto a ship through the window, which was weird since ships didn't have windows. He instantly killed three pirates with one punch, and the fourth one he kicked so hard that, due to the momentum and logarithmic function, the pirate flew through 10 brick walls and fell into the ocean. So basically the ship had a four-man crew. Anyway. He then searched the ship and lo and behold! found the wingress. Isaac was all like, "Hell yeah!" But the wingress was all chained up and Isaac didn't know what to do. So he was like.. "That sucks." And then he starts sawing at it with his sword, but dun dun duuuun, the pirate he threw overboard had br
I
:::Isaac enters castle:::
Isaac felt as if lightning shot down the back of his neck. The silence haunted the archways and stone crevices in the wrong way, the way it did right before a battle begun. He closed the distance between himself and an entrance to the castle as lightly as he could, but he resisted the urge to unsheathe his sword. He could be mistaken about the tense atmosphere, and he did not want to look paranoid by launching himself at a servant. However, something was definitely off. There was no casual chatter or noises. He forced himself to walk cautiously. He scoured the area around him without turning his head. A shriek trilled and hung in the air, co

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About xSexyBunniesx

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Reread. The. Entire. Thing.
I took the time to write it. And rewrite it. And erase it and then write it all over again. You can take the time to read it. "Setting rules for the roleplay, sort of." This is ESSENTIAL! It is about the setting and characters. You always have to keep the things in this journal in mind, especially when you're writing for the characters that multiple people control(such as the king, soldiers, etc.) There are constantly discrepancies between our posts, so we need some background information about the setting!! Here are the basics: - The current country they are in is called BELBRII. - The city they are in is KYRIUS. - The king's name is

What Do You Think About My Work?13

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xSexyBunniesx's avatar
So, I was cleaning out my closet the other day, and as I was throwing out piles of PE sports packets I got to thinking about the story. Some of us have expressed a disinterest due to lack of participation on everyone's account, and that's all right, but I think we could have gone much farther with it.
Here's me, saying that I will 'make a post' within the next few days and put it up, continuing this forgotten tale.
And if you find yourself reading this, do please add something.

P.S. Whoever was supposed to write a review for Rose is a slacker!

Willow
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zraya218's avatar
You talk..to yourself? Cx
Reply  ·  
xSexyBunniesx's avatar
No, it's just that there are four people sharing an account. Codenamed Otter (me), Willow, Wyvern, and Kitty. And we tried to collaborate on this story, buuuuuuut it isn't working out. The novelty of writing a story together is gone since we're all tired of having to wait for other people to make a post. x_x
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Cinnamud's avatar
XD We are four different people.
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xSexyBunniesx's avatar
To Whoever Wrote About Arathen,

Actually, you stole his secret attributes. His main flaws, which you pretty much already mentioned, are his hatred for humanity, his short temper, and his incredible pride. And...yes. I'd just thought I'd point it out that you read my character very nicely. C:

Good job.

-Kitty
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xSexyBunniesx's avatar
No offense, Kitty, but I don't think it's fair that you tell people their reviews are wrong and stuff when you haven't written one yourself. It kinda annoyed me ever since we started the review thing and you keep reminding me to make a post for Dmitriy, but we keep reminding you too and you won't write two. Everyone else has except for you.

And you're not supposed to comment on critiques. You either accept their advice or ignore it. You don't have to refute the review. The other three of us are just trying to give advice, it's not like we plan on arguing it.

This isn't an attack, we just sayin' how it is. :/

- Wyvern and Otter
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xSexyBunniesx's avatar
About Arathen,

Your portrayal of the universal elven character is sound. Also, the mentioning of his former slavery places a strong foothold for a twist in his character. Furthermore, the physical description leaves nothing to be wanted.

However, he seems to have an unusual amount of pros to his makeup. As noted in the two quotes below, he seems to be lacking in nothing a hero is wanted of. The problem with this is that it leaves no room for a flaw that will make him a truly workable character. He will overcome all his obstacles, and he will have no endearment.

I think that such a flaw could be developed in his memories as a slave. This memory has the makings of the origin for a burning hatred of the human race, which would be a major factor in his decisions. His hatred spawns pride. Pride goeth before the fall. Not that he will fall, unless you so wish it. Think about it?

And where and why did he learn swordplay? One would think he had little need for a blade...it would not be unwise to annex this detail.

-sniff



"After all, he was strong in endurance and... everything...gifted and successful, even for an elf...elves were naturally extraordinary in intelligence, strength, and beauty...Arathen was even better...young, too."
"...overly handsome...also an excellent fighter and extremely quick-minded...most likely the best archer in the area..."
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