you know what else that grinds the absolute fucking shit of my Goddamn gears?? it has nothing to do with the internet or people. no, it's somewhat bigger than that.
it's life itself.
it simply doesn't make any sense.
it's just terrible and i don't understand the people who think "life is great". probably cuz they're too blessed to see how fucked up it is (in that case, good for them, really) or simply i'm the one who's fucked up which is the most likely seeing as i don't see many people complain from all this. in both cases it doesn't really matter cuz i'm sick of living anyway. and NO! i will NOT kill myself if that's what you're thinking!!! XD i'll just keep living and that's that. no matter how hard i try to push all these thoughts to the back of my mind. though it's really hard to do so when you're faced everyday with what pisses you off or rather, grind your gears till they rust, with what i like to call "life flaws".
i feel weird enough sharing this info already, cuz i've always kept this sort of thing between me and myself. BELIEVE ME, i'm not trying to spread hatred or make others think as negatively as i do, i just want to get this off of my chest somehow.
let's start with the easiest and the most obvious one so far:
usually i respect other people's opinions, but those who think that gender rules are great and are completely down with it should receive nothing less than a punch from me.
personality aspect: it's plain unfathomable how in this life you're judged based on your gender not personality. gender was supposed to be for the purpose of reproduction but noooo! let's involve it in other completely irrelevant things like what you wear, what you like, what you watch, what you listen to, who you should fall in love with. because having a dick means you like football. having a pussy means you should like makeup and dresses. simple as that. well fuck that logic and all who works with it. i've always been criticized for being a tomboy in this shitpit we call society. it's one of the reasons why i don't like people anymore. they're so close-minded and judgemental.
physical aspect: this one pushes me off the deep end. the females get the short end of the stick by being physically screwed, having these disgusting boobs and hips and apparent lack of dick and muscle leaving them completely vulnerable. i mean having titties and no muscle are somewhat contradictory, no? "look at me! i have boobs and i'm weak! i'm sexy but i can't defend myself! come and rape me!" hehe yeah right, like them horrifying jiggly-jugs are sexy anyway. they're just useless sacks of lard on the girl's chest that do more harm than good. you'd think that females are made specifically for sex and making babies. it's a sad idea when you think about it, especially if you consider all the objectification the female body goes through like it deserves all the attention it gets. and *ahem* this one is slightly explicit but... why the hell do hymens exist??? damn thing is useless and just gets in the way, and having it as an indicator for virginity is plain pointless cuz in my own imaginary world everybody would have dicks so they could lose their virginity the other way around if you know what i'm saying. i'm not mad because i'm a girl. i have nothing against being part of the female gender in general. what does bother me is the consequences that comes with it. and nooo~ i'm not talking about that time of the month... i got over that part a long time ago..
it would've been better if everyone had both genitals really. all living organisms would have sets from both sides where everyone can fuck and be fucked and that gender would be based on genitals functionality. females get pregnant and males impregnate. Hermaphrodites get to do both. because i can't imagine everyone getting pregnant, now THAT would leave a massive impact on the population. plus, it makes for a more convenient means for birth control. i won't go into details about how this works though, i don't want to turn this into some awkward anatomy lesson about the reproductive systems :/ and there would be no such thing as sexual orientation because both genders would be practically the same, females having male bodies and individual personalities and all, so don't talk to me about homophopia, misogynists, sexism, misandry cuz these crap terms would never exist. if anything, same sex relationships are called homosexual relationships. opposite sex relationships are called heterosexual. savy? so these terms are used to define the type of the relationship, not the sex orientation. so in a way that i like to imagine, relationships aren't just for the purpose of reproduction, you love who you love just because.
then again, they're just fantasies of mine. don't mind them very much.
i've talked about how unfair the female body was made and this is part of it. but there are also other things that're not gender related. in your teenage years, you grow this crap on your face called acne. wish i could know what their purpose are other than causing nothing but stress and turning you into a pepperoni pizza face. you also need to worry about other jazz like getting fat, hair dandruffs or shitty natural hair in general, or when you're old, you look like a fossilized freak, and how some people need to shave their limps (and other parts) twice a day, or how you need to constantly clean your ears and nose before they turn into wax/booger dumpsters, and instead of just pissing, you need to shit too and with it comes the horrible cases of constipation and diarrhea and the awkward need to cut the cheese. ugh!
you lose a limb, an organ or get a nerve damage, it's permanent and your life ends at that point. no regeneration. no nothing. and from a medical perceptive, you can't receive blood/organs from someone with a different blood group/tissue type cuz it would ultimately lead to a transfusion reaction. this is great. i'm dying and i'm losing blood, or my kidney is in an unspeakable condition but they can't help me cuz my blood/tissue type is rare and can't be found in many people. or if someone is bitten by a venomous animal, they need a serum that's compatible with the venom. but alas, each venom has it's fucking serum and anything else won't do, and making the proper serum takes bloody years.
so welp, i'm as good as dead. because life needs to be just MORE complicated.
you see animals like tigers with their biological weaponry. and instead of humans having claws, you grow these useless nails that you have to trim once in awhile. and instead of having fangs, you get these teeny tiny stumps that can't tear into meat if it's not cooked properly enough. and while humans are mentally developed, they're not as physically advanced as those guys are. compared to animals, we're fucking slow and weak, can't handle the slightest weather differences, we can't jump high or even growl, and when it comes to senses, we're plain oblivious. i'm not asking for humans to see in the dark or hear ultra sound waves, i just wish we weren't completely helpless compared to other animals. but without a weapon and millions of tools to support us, we stand no chance.
i imagine that if humans were that cool, people could open schools not just for mental education, but schools for hunting as well. human strength/speed/endurance would be measured based on animals starting from wolf, to leopard, to tiger, etc.. but reality deems that no matter how strong and puff a guy gets, they can easily get mauled by a passing bear or something.
but hey, i gotta dream, right?
in my household, i'm not allowed to be left alone with my male relatives when they come visit. is this how the relationship between relatives normally work?? honestly, i've never seen anything like that absolutely anywhere. just why?? am i gonna get assaulted or possessed should i be left alone with them? they're my RELATIVES!!! not strangers! yes, i've heard of these.. "bad" relatives, yes, these things do exist but not in my own family?? or is my cousin or uncle really being suspected of doing what i think they're gonna do? i need to point out that this also comes from being a fucking girl. so yeah, figures.
also when i get out of the house, i have to switch from shorts into a pair of pants. because a girl's leg is THAT different from a guy's leg and must be covered. convenient.
in our country, having a boy and a girl kiss, hug or hold hands without marriage is frowned upon. sure because having your name written on a paper officially seals your bond with your partner. in fact, some people use that as means for forced marriage, and the victim doesn't even know they're being married to someone! how the hell are they considered married when the other party haven't even given their consent?? that's why i think marriage is a pretty stupid idea. why does a piece of paper decide my relationship with someone? i like to believe you're only married to someone when you have kids with them, not by some dumb ceremony.
here's something else i frown upon; having another intimate partner other than the one you already have is considered cheating. it's bad enough that you must be in a relationship with someone from the opposite gender, but you have to be also committed to it and having a third party involved instantly turns you into an unfaithful bastard. what if the person falls in love with two people at the same time? is it really their fault for liking more than one person? because feelings are just that easy to control, yeah.. and if you want to be with the second person, you need to break up with the first one -which in turn could break their hearts and cause drama- and go to the other person. you practically tossed that first person away like some overused tampon to be with another one cuz this is how relationships work: "hey, i'm breaking up with you to be with someone else sooo..." and the soap opera begins, while having both of them could save lots of pain and agony. if only, if ONLY life was that simpler. but what can i say? that's why i don't want to get married, besides the fact that marriage is a stupid idea and that i don't want kids. i have enough shit on my mind already, but i digress.
and please PLEASE please don't get me wrong on this one; i HATE incest. i loathe it. i despise it. one of the very few things i actually agree on is that incest is a fucking taboo. but would it be that wrong for siblings, boys and girls, to share a bed? NO INCEST!! and since in my head, males and females are physically similar, there should be no harm in changing their clothes in front of each other. NO INCEST!! i mean siblings from the same gender do that. NO INCEST!!! but.. i can't even be in the same room as my brothers when the door is closed...yes, that's right. leave it open cuz it looks moral that way. did i mention no incest?
say, what's that number before 1? oh right! zero! that's just about as much sense as it makes.
i find it weird that we're all humans and yet can't understand each other's languages. and how off-putting it would get if i find a cool story but discover the sad fact that it's written in spanish or something. and if that's not enough, there're like MILLIONS of languages out there. sure, let's make things harder and more awkward than they already are.
i'm thinking of a more convenient world where there's one language spoken by everyone but not everyone will share the same pronouncements, spellings or grammar. the speech system would be based on ACCENTS. french people speak french accent. russian people speak russian accent and so on. and the writing system would be based on FONTS. the letters might slightly differ but they're still the same and remain legible to a foreigner. because since we're different in races, traditions, countries and whatnot, we're also different in how we speak and write but we still understand each other. it might need to get used to after a little while but sure as hell beats spending years trying to learn one fucking language.
Insects and arachnoids (sorry, insect lovers) :
you must be thinking i'm just being a pussy but whatever. sometimes i wonder if those abominations are actually diseases taking the form of an animal. they crawl on your food, your things, fly around your house, even as parasites that get inside you and drive all other living creatures bananas by their ickiness. because life doesn't suck already as it is. no, let's also live with a bunch of little crawly fuckers that take on like 90% of the earth population with their annoying presence.
so i was once watching a documentary about nature. if there's one thing i like in this sadness of a world, it's the sight of trees, skies, mountains, snow, rainbow, lightning, rain, etc,.. i was like "ah nature! one of the rare things i like! this calms my mind and..." and then all of a sudden this motherfucker of a bug suddenly appeared on the screen in all it's fat, colorful and hideous as shit glory. i was like nope and dragged my ass out of the room looking for something else to do after this massive turn-off. once again, i try to enjoy something and some life garbage just has to ruin it for me.
ok, i'm done. i'm completely done with life. i'll just live on and act like an emo whenever i witness something stupid from it's many stupid things until a car rams into me or something. this is my very first time putting something like this out in the open, so it feels somewhat surreal that i'm actually typing this unbelievable crap online.
i'm not asking for a life that's devoid of pollution or diseases or something so childish and unrealistic. i'm just dreaming of one that MAKES SENSE, one that's actually fair in it's systems. one that's not utterly dumb or weird. i simply wish i could live in an alternate universe where you don't have to suffer meaningless shit like gender rules but what can i do? i'm stuck in all that.
you must be thinking i'm an ill fuck for even daring to bash life like that but fuck this shit, i'm sick of it. sick of it all. if you want to disagree, fine. but spare me the drama of "life is great! how dare you!" "you're an evil bitch for daring to say this". blahblahblah i get it, life is all cookies and rainbows for you, life lovers, but give the chance to poor bastards like me to speak their minds.
God forgive me...