literature

TEARING ME APART

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Literature Text

"Deidara, what's wrong?"

The blonde turned to look at his partner when he heard those words. Sasori was lying on the other side of the bed, his head propped up on his arm against his pillow as his eyes stared at the bomber with a concerned look. "Well?"

"What makes you think something's wrong, Sasori danna?"

"You're on your side of the bed." To any outsider, this logic would seem strange or flawed, at best. Yet to Deidara, it was a valid argument. The bomber had not willingly slept outside the comfort of his danna's arms in over two years. Even before they'd entered into their relationship, the bomber had not obeyed the "stay on your side of the bed, brat" rule. This change of sleeping arrangements wasn't merely unusual; it was completely unheard of.

The blonde shrugged at Sasori's question, as if the redhead had no reason to be fretting. "It's hot, un."

"If you're so hot, take off your shirt."

Deidara shook his head. "It's comfy, un."

"Deidara..."

"Leave me alone, un," the bomber suddenly ordered as his face grew dark. Without another word, Deidara rolled over onto his side, his back facing Sasori and pulled the covers up to his chin. Their conversation was over.

The Akasuna frowned but lay down to sleep. If the brat didn't want to talk, nothing would change his mind. Not even the concern of his lover, sad to say.

Sighing in resignation, Sasori shut his eyes and tried to fall asleep without the blonde in his arms. Put simply, that was harder to do than it sounded.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Over the course of the next few weeks, Deidara continued to sleep away from Sasori. The puppet master was distressed, to say the least. One night was understandable (perhaps the blonde really had been hot), but nearly a month of separation was unfathomable. The bomber had even stopped giving reasons for his sudden aloofness, and now curled up on the far side of the mattress with no explanation given at all. At the moment though, Sasori was more concerned with how much sleep the blonde was getting then where he was getting said sleep.

Deidara was sitting near Sasori at the kitchen table, his head propped up with one hand and bags under his eyes. He was barely picking at his breakfast of scrambled eggs, and hadn’t touched his coffee. All in all, the bomber looked like a wreck that hadn’t slept in a month, and Sasori could testify to the fact that as of late, Deidara had been tossing and turning in bed all night. “Dei?”

“Un?” the blonde asked as he looked up from his plate to focus on Sasori. Or at least, try to. Deidara’s mind seemed to be preoccupied as of late; then again, that could just be the sleep deprivation manifesting itself.

“Is there a reason you haven’t been sleeping lately?” Deidara couldn’t muster the energy to speak again, and settled for shaking his head from side to side. “Do you need some herbs or something to help you sleep? I can make you something-“

“I’m fine Sasori danna,” Deidara cut in with a curt tone before returning his attention to his uneaten breakfast. He actually managed to eat a few bites before letting out a yawn and dropping his fork; a great accomplishment than anything else he’d done these past few mornings.

Sasori was somewhat surprised at the blonde’s hostility, to say the least. Nevertheless, the Akasuna was quick to recover and speak to his lover once again. “Brat, I’m just trying to help you. It won’t kill you to take me up on my offer.”

“I know, danna. I’m sorry, un.” Deidara sighed and rubbed his temples in a frustrated manner. “It’s just…”

“Yes?”

“Forget it. I’ll take care of it myself, un. Don’t worry about it.” With that final order given, Deidara rose from the table and quickly exited the room, leaving his mostly uneaten breakfast on the table.

Sasori watched the doorway that Deidara had left through for a long time after his lover was gone. At length, though, he rose from the table and picked up the bomber’s dishes, and then walked towards the sink. Someone needed to keep this place semi-clean. “How can I not worry about you when you act like this, Dei?” he queried aloud while washing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Whatever was the matter with Deidara soon began to affect the blonde’s training. No longer did he work with his clay or explosive tags; in fact, he eventually stopped training with anything other than knives and bare hands, which may have accounted for the new cuts and bruises that now littered the artist’s delicate hands. To make matters worse, he was able to train for shorter and shorter periods of time with each passing day. Finally, after the blonde had collapsed not but fifteen minutes into a sparring match, Sasori forced them to stop. “Deidara, I honestly don’t care what reason you have for keeping quiet to me. Tell me what the hell’s gotten into you.”

“I told you,” an exhausted Deidara growled from his facedown position on the ground, “I’m handling it, un.”

“Obviously not,” Sasori snapped. He loved the bomber to death, but his already weak patience had long since worn out, and he wasn’t about to take more of he same old crap from Deidara. “Or else you would have been better a long time ago.”

“It’s nothing, un.”

“How dense can you be?! You can barely move and you haven’t slept in weeks! Aside from the fact that you’re putting both of us at risk on the battlefield, you’re scaring the living daylights out of me.” Having gotten the blonde’s attention with the latter bit of info, the puppet master kneeled down beside the blonde. Caringly, the puppet master tilted Deidara’s chin up to make the blonde look him in the eye. “Please, Deidara; tell me what’s wrong.”

The younger male dropped his gaze to the ground and titled his head away. Slowly, Deidara curled himself into a ball and shook his head no. “I can’t, Sasori danna.”

“Brat-“

“Don’t get mad at me, un!” Deidara screamed. Startled, the redhead said nothing as the blonde’s figure began to tremble. “You can worry about me or get frustrated, Sasori danna, but don’t be angry, un. Please.” Thoroughly confused, the Akasuna placed a comforting hand on the blonde’s shoulder and began to rub soothing circles into the younger man’s back. Something was very wrong here. Very wrong indeed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was only a few days later that Sasori found bloody rags in the laundry room.

He’d gone down to the washroom because Tobi and Konan were both out of the base; thus, the members of the Akatsuki were left to fend for themselves when it came to washing.

Capturing a tailed beast was an easier feat for these people.

As the Akasuna had been loading a red shirt into the washer with a dozen or so white ones, he caught sight of a piece of fabric protruding from the small space between the dryer and the far wall of the laundry area. Supposing that one of the other members had simply dropped an article of clothing and had been too lazy to retrieve it, Sasori bent down and extracted the fabric from its resting place.

Even when he saw the bloodstains covering the front of the shirt, he didn’t think much of it. Bloodshed was common in the Akatsuki; they were an organization filled to the brim with violent criminals, after all. It wasn’t until he recognized the article as a piece from Deidara’s wardrobe that he panicked.

The shirt was splattered with blood on the inside of the fabric, meaning that it came from the bomber’s body, and not a victim’s. The front was torn badly, as if the blonde had been assaulted by a jagged knife.

Balling the fabric up, Sasori rushed from the room without finishing the laundry. He now had bigger things to worry about than whether or not the bomber and he had enough clean socks in their drawers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Danna!”

“…”

“Sasori danna, wake up!”

The Akasuna slowly opened his eyes and looked up at his partner. “Dei?” he groggily inquired as he sat up and turned on a lamp to better see his partner. The younger male better have a good reason for waking him up in the middle of the night like this.

Deidara sat with his legs tucked under him and stared at Sasori with wide, panicked eyes. His body was trembling slightly, and he looked like he was about to either burst into tears or snap. “Danna-“ a low hiss interrupted what he was about to say. Clenching his eyes shut in obvious pain, the blonde clawed at his heart with one hand and doubled over on the bed.

Sasori was by now fully awake and extremely anxious. “Deidara, what’s wrong?!”

“Shirt…help me out of it, un…NOW!” Deidara ordered as he forced himself into sitting position. Taken aback by the bomber’s sudden forcefulness, the Akasuna nevertheless went into action and ripped the clothing away from his lover’s body. At this point, his eyes met with a sight that truly left him dumbfounded.

Deidara’s chest mouth was going wild. Blood ran down the bomber’s chest as the mouth snapped open and closed in a frenzy. Torn bits of flesh that had once held stitches now dangled limply from Deidara’s chest, with the afore-mentioned threads nowhere to be found. Even worse, the mouth seemed to be getting more agitated now that it had been directly exposed to the air around it. “Deidara, what in Kami’s name-” the Akasuna began.

The tongue shot out suddenly, seemingly tasting the air around it. Deidara’s eyes widened, and suddenly he shoved a hand into the mouth just as the jaws came crushing down. He let out a short, muffled cry, but otherwise was able to remain silent. “Brat, what the hell are you doing?! That thing’s going to crush your hand!”

“It’s either bite my hand, or bite off the tongue and let me bleed out, un!” Deidara hurriedly explained.

“What do you want me to do?!”

“Make it stop, un!”

“HOW?!”

“I don’t know, danna!” the younger male sounded as though he was now close to tears. “Think of something, un! Anything!”

Sasori put all of three seconds into his planning before leaping from the bed and rushing to his desk. As the blonde let out small whimpers of pain in the background, the Akasuna began rifling through his drawers in an effort to find a certain bottle. Finally locating the desired item, Sasori then proceeded to snatch a rag off of the top of his worktable before running back to the bed. “Dei, this is going to feel a little odd,” the puppet master cautioned as he doused the fabric in the mystery liquid.

“As long as it makes this thing stop,” Deidara muttered in reply. Nodding at his partner’s words, the Akasuna removed the blonde’s hand from the chest mouth and shoved the rag inside the orifice.

For a time, the mouth seemed to fight the intrusive material. Eventually, however, the chemical won out, and the mouth fell limp. “Danna?” Deidara whispered.

“Hmm?”

“What’d you do, un? My chest feels all heavy now…” Suddenly, Deidara broke into a coughing fit.

Sasori frowned at the coughs and lifted the blonde from the bed bridal style. “I was worried about this.”

“Un?” the bomber asked as he was carried into the bathroom.

“I numbed your mouth, but it still has to produce saliva. It can’t swallow right now, so the spit’s running directly into your lungs.”

“Ew, un.”

“Agreed,” Sasori stated as he set the blonde down into the bathtub. “Just lean forward and let the saliva drain into the tub, Dei.”

The bomber wrinkled his nose in absolute disgust but did as told. “That sounds so gross danna.”

“I know, but it’s what has to be done.” The Akasuna sat on the edge of the tub and pulled Deidara’s head over to rest on his lap. “Now are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

“…” Deidara’s eyes fell to the floor of the tub. “It all started a few months ago. My chest mouth began twitching and pulling at the strings binding it more than it usually does, un. I tried to ignore it; I was kinda hoping it would just go away, un.”

“Brat, that never works.”

“I know, un.”

“Then what happened?”

“It got more and more active, un. It even started pulling at the stitches until I was bleeding. I couldn’t sleep because of the pain, and…”

“And?”

“And ‘cause I was away from you, un. It’s hard to break old habits, you know. But if I had slept with you, you would have felt the movements and know what was wrong, un.”

“I see. Go on.”

“It finally just ripped the stitches right out and started chomping on anything it could reach, un.” Sasori winced at the thought of how much pain Deidara must have endured, but nodded for the blonde to continue. “The shirt was all bloody and chewed up, so I had to throw it away-“

“You mean stuff it behind the dryer?”

“You found it, un?” Sasori nodded, making Deidara sigh. “I was hoping you wouldn’t…” he shook his head, as if to dismiss the thought. “I tried to sew it back up a couple of times, but it kept tearing open again. I finally just gave up and left it alone, un. But it kept getting worse and worse!”

“Then why didn’t you come and get me earlier?” Sasori asked in a calm tone. The blonde looked close to hysterics by now, so the Akasuna decided it was best to be the collected one in this situation.

“I don’t know! I was scared of how you’d react, or that you’d send me to Pein, or…or…”

“Finish your thought, Dei.”

“I was worried that you wouldn’t be able to help me, un.” The chest mouth let out a loud gurgling noise, before falling back into silent drooling. “Sasori danna, can you doing anything, un?”

The Akasuna paused to think for a moment, before nodding his head. “I might. But I need to get up first.”

Deidara smirked at Sasori’s words and gently lifted his head from the elder man’s lap. “Be free, danna.”

Sasori kneeled down by the edge of the tub and kissed the blonde’s lips. “Deidara, stay right here until I get back. And don’t try to wash the saliva off; your mouth would inhale the water.” After kissing the pouting blonde once more, the Akasuna rose from his seat and walked out of the bathroom, and then exited the bedroom. Whether the blonde liked it or not, Sasori needed to speak with Pein about Deidara’s extra mouths.

Although Sir Leader wasn’t originally keen on “wasting valuable time” trying to find out what exactly was wrong with Deidara, a few death threats punctuated by a rather lethal poison-coated stomach cable quickly changed his tune. All but thrusting the documents on Deidara’s forbidden jutsu into Sasori’s hands, Pein dismissed the puppeteer from his office, and in spite of his better judgment, Sasori couldn’t help but smirk at the man’s nervousness. The puppet master really could be rather intimidating when he chose to be.

By the time he returned to the bathroom, Deidara had stripped himself down to nothing and was fidgeting uncomfortably in the tub. “Danna-“

“I know love, I know,” the Akasuna murmured as he reseated himself on the bathtub’s edge. Deidara immediately planted his head in Sasori’s lap and growled against the puppeteer’s thigh. “My back’s starting to hurt, un.”

“Keep leaning forward,” was all Sasori said as he began reading the first scroll in his pile. This was going to take more than a little bit of time. Particularly since Deidara had just fallen asleep, and Sasori didn’t have the heart to wake him for assistance.

Hours passed in complete silence as the Akasuna read while Deidara slept. The only time Sasori arose from his seat was when the bomber’s chest mouth started becoming animated again, and he had to leave the room to retrieve more poison to knock it out.

Most of the scrolls contained no information that was of any useful nature. One file offered tips and methods as to the proper way to mend damages done to the chest mouth, which led to a brief pause in the studies as Sasori attempted to heal his partner. The final result wasn’t nearly as tidy as an actual medical ninja’s work, but at least bits of Deidara weren’t dangling off the bomber’s chest now.

By the time dawn arrived, Sasori had some vague concept as to what needed to be done to ensure that the chest mouth would behave itself. The Akasuna then waited quietly for the blonde to awake from his slumber. Fortunately for the impatient redhead, Deidara’s eyes opened not much later. “Danna?” he mumbled sleepily.

“I’m here,” Sasori whispered as he ran his fingers through a lock of Deidara’s hair.

“Did you…find anything, un?”

The redhead nodded in affirmation, before realizing that Deidara wasn’t looking at him. “Yes, I did.”

“What did you find, un?”

“Information that will help me help you.”

Deidara laughed softly. Apparently finally getting a good night’s rest had put him in a good humor. “That sounds like a bad sales pitch.”

“I know, but it’s the truth.” Once again lifting the blonde bridal style, Sasori carried Deidara to his workbench and set the bomber down on the cold surface.

Deidara hissed softly from the feel of the cool metal against his bare skin, but made no move to leave his position. If Sasori put him here, there was a good reason for that. Deidara just needed to trust his danna.

After handing the blonde a towel to catch any drool from the chest mouth, Sasori began searching through his numerous toxins until he at last located that certain medicine bottle. “Here it is.”

“What is it, un?”

“Anesthetic,” was the Akasuna’s reply.

“How will that help me?”

“Deidara, the procedure I’ll need to perform is rather…painful, for lack of a better word. It’ll be much better for you if you’re asleep while it happens.”

“Danna, I was awake when these things were put on my body. I think I can handle whatever you’re going to do to me, un.”

“Let me rephrase that statement. I’ll be much happier if I can go through with the treatment without having to listen to you screaming bloody murder while I do it.”

“But Sasori-“

“Please Dei?” Sasori grabbed the blonde’s free hand in his own, and gently intertwined their fingers. He squeezed the limb tightly, but whether it was to reassure the blonde or himself, Deidara would never know. “For me?”

“…” After a minute of careful deliberation, the bomber nodded. “Ok, un. But only because it’s you, Sasori danna.”

Nodding at the blonde’s words, a relieved Sasori quickly poured Deidara a cup of the mysterious medicine. Albeit somewhat unsure, the bomber gulped down the liquid and handed the glass back to Sasori.

In only a matter of seconds, he was unconscious.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Mmm…” when Deidara awoke several hours later, he was lying down in bed with the covers pulled up to his chin. “What happened, un?”

“I finished the procedure,” Sasori answered.

Deidara turned his head to the side at the sound of his danna’s voice. The redhead was sitting up in bed, reading a scroll. Judging from his position and how far into the scroll he was, the blonde had been out for quite some time. “There were no problems during the process, and your chest mouth has behaved since then.”

Curious to find out if that was the truth, Deidara gingerly prodded at the mouth with one finger. It twitched for a moment, but then returned to its peaceful slumber like it normally did.

Sasori’s reading was suddenly interrupted as Deidara lunged at him and trapped the puppet master in a bear hug. “Thank you so much danna,” he whispered against the redhead’s firm chest.

“You’re welcome, love,” the redhead whispered against Deidara’s silky hair. “But Dei?”

“Un?”

“Next time something like this happens, tell me before it gets out of control. Understand?”

“Got it, un.”

“Promise me.”

“Promise, un,” Deidara muttered against Sasori.

“Good. You really had me worried about you, you know that?”

“…”

“I’m dead serious, Deidara.”

“…”

“Dei?” Sasori looked down and narrowed his eyes ever so slightly. “You’re asleep. Again.” Sighing, he slid lower in the bed and pulled the covers over Deidara and himself. “Stupid brat; falling asleep in mid-conversation.” He looked at his slumbering partner once again, before shutting his eyes and shaking his head. “I’ll yell at him when he doesn’t look so cute.”
sasodei idea that wouldn't leave me alone until i typed it out. all 10 pages of it. couldn't think up a good title, so i settled for this, since sasori and deidara are both getting torn up here; one figuratively, the other in the literal sense.

not much to say about this, other than i'm surprised that while writers on here make numerous references to dei's handmouths, the one on his chest is nearly always left out of the equation. sad, really. please read and comment!

all characters (c) masashi kishimoto
© 2009 - 2022 xotakux2002x
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kotadog88's avatar
at the end I was like yesh