First, let me say I'm not a photographer. But, as an interplanetary visitor, I'm very interested in human words. Photography is the subject of this language report. Bear with me while I list the many violent words used in photography, so much violence it alarms me. I don't quite know how to make my report. My siblings, back in the sphere, will perhaps help me. We've inspected the languages used around many human endeavors, but photography seems the most horrendous. Listen to this and please advise.
The human photographer, who is a strange sort of being, picks a "landscape, model, panorama, portrait, pet, family, friend" or, more literally, "anything," and readies himself to "shoot, capture, snap, manipulate, freeze, distort" and otherwise picture and thus completely stop his fellow man from attaining peaceful safety in life. This happens often, but is mercifully brief. Yet humans sometimes speak of something "going viral" and lasting much longer. That a human goal is to get "viral" is most saddening and amazing. I think about human deaths.
But I can't linger on that for this report. Photographers take "snapshots, films, photos," something called "selfies" and possibly more. They use instruments that include words like "automatic, shutter, jitter-correct, fish-eye lens," and use them in order to "zoom, focus, magnify, flash, color, minimize, maximize," and make many items with what they call a camera. It is a weapon.
There are the horrible words that describe what photographers do after they "catch an image." Some go into "dark rooms" to "develop photos." They "expose" the images in there, and use "negatives" (an unpromising word) while lit only in red. I can't say I understand it, but this "exposure" and the use of "chemicals" and ways to "treat" them is undoubtedly ominous. Photos swim in various baths, images appear, and they are then clipped above the baths to "develop."
It gets worse. The photographer often "enhances" the images and changes secrets, even reality, this way. The humans inspect "contact sheets" to choose several pictures, and what is done next turns my cradle. They "crop" a photo, which means exactly what it sounds like, or they "enlarge" a photo, "blow it up," as they sometimes say. This is inherently wrong. These people take photos of real things and reduce or inflate them to something that seems a misbegotten, unforgivable "art." What's left of a photo is printed on "glossy or matte" paper and a chosen photo is then "framed," to make it like a criminal, and often "hung" for good measure.
That's part of what I must report. There are "expensive" cameras, "digital" cameras, "movie" cameras, "cell phone" cameras--the boxy ones and the flat ones are everywhere. I just read the words I put in quotation marks above and they shock me anew. May my siblings have pity and let us leave before one of these humans approaches us with these ultimately dangerous words: "Say cheese."