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So, if I haven't let it slip, I quit my job at the pizza place I was working at.
I am putting real time and effort into throwing myself into the art thing. I figure that I must chase the ONE dream I've allowed myself to have before I get to old, too sick and/or too dead.
Well... I have a lot to learn, still, as I have not been able to devote the time and effort (and money) to actually studying it in the past, what?, 22 years? I'm self taught and have been coasting on 'raw talent' for far too long. Raw talent and 5 bucks'll get you a cup of coffee, right? Not even.

I wish to moved beyond webcomics. Sequential has been somewhat of an obsession, but it has not been as good to me as I wish it was. I would shut down my website, but, that's where my primary e-mail has been for the past 3 years. Perhaps I will simply retool and/or make it invisible.
There's going to be so much work ahead of me, but, I am confident that now that I am able to set my mind to it with fewer distractions, I can achieve SOMETHING in the end.
I am overjoyed to have the love and support of a good woman who believes in me.
I can't tell you how good that feels just in general after the life I've led of "less than ideal" family and fairweather friends. I think that Yesterday, just before 4:30 PM marks the happiest I've been in the last decade. LITERALLY. I was shown just how much she believes in me. (A story for another time.)

Still, it was the first time in a long while that I smiled genuinely and from the heart and all the pressures and depression and self-loathing and doubt melted away. I believe that I can do this. I believe in myself because she believes in me. Even if I fail. Even if a year from now I am back to working some minimum wage food service gig, I will be able to say that I gave chasing my dreams a real shot, and my girl believed in me, and I can die happy.

Now, beyond that, I have plenty of changes to make. I have so much to learn. As I said, I'm self-taught. I've been drawing, inking and coloring my comics the same way for over 15 years. I don't feel that I have moved forward or progressed since the day I discovered non-repro blue pencil leads back in 2002! I have only just a few days ago learned the most basic method of vector art. I eventually want to learn speedpainting and all that good stuff. I am going to put the sequential comics making on the back-burner and concentrate on pinups and poster art. Comics will always be one of my first loves, but, I'm getting nowhere with it right now.
I need to put a lot more focus in the writing side of things, first of all.

I have a lot of work ahead of me in order to become a professional freelancer. I have a few plans in play to sell some of the work I've already done. A bit of art cleanup and I have the tools and content to print out one or two short comics. I am also working on a coloring book.
I have a Patreon: (… )
I am not sure of the proper content to display, however, as I don't usually draw smut, and that seems to be what Patreon is FOR, these days. I guess that's another thing I'm gonna have to work on. I have no problems with doing that, but, I need to work on my anatomy before I commit to it. (Not that badly drawn nude anatomy has stopped anyone else from producing or enjoying smut, before.)

I'm two days from my 44th birthday, and, I guess maybe my mid-life crisis is in full swing. I've been trying to establish an online presence for quite a while, but to no avail. I've had only a handful of loyal followers and collaborators over the years. No one was really paying attention to my website. I only seemed to become a blip on the radar when partaking in a jam or crossover project. In the last two decades, I've been into the furry community, the webcomics community and the superhero community. They were all fun and garnered me a few friends and followers through each phase, but, nothing permanent really came of it. Also, it seems that I, in turn, all but completely ditched each genre for the next, effectively limiting myself as a graphic artist. I aim to undo that.
I've gone through more internet handles and user nicknames than I can count, always trying to reinvent myself. It's a bad habit I have, trying to keep control of the few things in life that I was able to control by way of a different name. I've gone by my own (middle) name for over a decade now, in order to be more 'official', but honestly, that hasn't really gotten me anywhere or "cemented my brand" or any of that, so, I think I'm gonna go another way with a different name. Something more fun.

Which brings me to the content that I've already have posted here.
I am far too scattered online, especially here on DeviantArt. I have Xailenrath-Comics, which I had decided to use to house designs and first looks at my webcomics projects, but, seem to only be using for the Bust Shots project these days. Particularly if I am going to put sequential comics on the back burner, and even I have lost interest in the Bust Shots thing, I really no longer need that account.
This account, Xailenrath, which I've had since the day I had my name legally changed 13 years ago, was supposed to be for random pinups and posters and non-sequential stuff. I have made a lot of connections through this one, but most of those are with other creators into superheroes. Which brings me to Xailenrath-Universe.
That's where I'm keeping all my superhero stuff these days. It started out as a group, back when one had to go through a weird process to make a DA group. I did that wrong, so, I wound up with another superfluous account that I repurposed to house all my superhero stuff.
Honestly, I'm thinking that all these accounts have to go. A lot of good memories, a few bad and evidence that my art skills have not moved forward as fast or as far as I'd like. It will take a while to download all the useful and loved stuff that I've made, but in the coming weeks and months, these 3 accounts will be deleted.
The Misfits-Of-Mischief will stay active. I haven't finished with them yet. I am still paying for their website
to exist, so my reality hopping shapeshifting drunken demigods will be around for a while.

Meanwhile, I have already updated and reworked all my social media into the newer brand. Instagram is actually giving me more accolades and feedback in just the dozen scribbles that I've posted there in the last week than I've gotten in the last 6 months on DeviantArt. Despite a lot of the things other artists tend to complain about, I don't dislike DA. I've been here a long, long time, and for better or worse, I am invested in this art site. That, and so many others like SheezyArt and Storm-Artists have taken the big dirtnap. I'll be here for a while... but, I am not going to be so DEEPLY invested in DA as I used to be.
A lot of my close personal IRL friends have abandoned this place. My online friends have their own things going. DA is no longer the hub of my art/social life that it once was. If I am going to concentrate on my artistic life, maybe it's time for DeviantArt to be just another place that I keep copies of my finished pics while I try to make my cartoons pay.

For those wondering about what the new username is and how to see the new stuff, just look around. My art still looks the same... for the moment. My eyes are still too big, and I am still big on drawing earlobe plugs, neckties, hockey jerseys and wireframe glasses. If you're looking for me, you'll find me.
  • Listening to: "Changes" - David Bowie
  • Reading: webcomics
  • Watching: Quantum of Solace
  • Playing: with the notion of improvement
  • Eating: chicken pattie on Hawaiian roll
  • Drinking: ice water
Well, I've spent the morning playing with the Pro S I got for the holiday. It's frustrating. Even moreso with Adobe illustrator, which seem to be made for NOT illustrating a damn thing. Still, I am thankful for it. A little practice is all it takes.
2016 seems dead-set on claiming as many celebs, artists, musicians and folks of note as it can before it ends. It's like it's trying to break a friggin' record or something.

I won't even get into the political quagmire we Americans find ourselves in, or rehash my own medical problems from earlier this year, or how I seem to be rapidly aging into a stiff, bitter old man with creaking bones and a "diet".
Let's all just put 2016 behind us, shall we?

I hope to see new art from you all in 2017. Cheers, all!
  • Listening to: "Land Down Under" - Men at Work
  • Reading: webcomics
  • Watching: Rocky & Bullwinkle
  • Playing: with new toys
  • Eating: bagels
  • Drinking: coffee
Merry Christmas! I'm killing off (almost?) all of my superheroes!
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it'll be a process, but, I am willing to make it happen in the name of order. I just have WAY too many parallel universe Earths fulla superheroes.
Good ol' Ragnarok is back from the dead somehow, with bigger badder and more minions!
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It'll mostly be in story form with a few pictures if varying quality to illustrate, and when the smoke clears --
  • Listening to: "the Memory Remains" - Metallica
  • Reading: webcomics
  • Watching: Young justice
  • Playing: WANTING to play Plants vs Zombies 2! (so bad!)
  • Eating: bagels
  • Drinking: coffee
I got tagged by :iconburstlion:!!!!

To do the meme just fill in the blanks pretty much XD

Me: Johann-Octavius Gans, bastion of crude drawings and bad luck.
Starsign: Leo! (August 9)

Hours of sleep: usually: 3-6 hours. Lately: 8-12. I've been exhausted.
Lucky number: No lucky numbers, but my favorite, for some reason is 99.

Last thing googled: Phoebe Cates

Fav fictional characters:  Dr. Ray Stantz, Virgil Hawkins/Static, Jamie 'Multiple Man' Madrox, Ben 'The Ever-lovin' Blue Eyed Thing' Grimm, Matt Murdock/Daredevil, Wally West/The Flash, Norville "Shaggy" Rogers, Scooby-Doo, Starscream, The Dreadnoks, Bugs Bunny, Dr. Thaddeus "Rusty" Venture, Frank & Sadie Doyle,

Start of this account: Over 12 years ago.

What do I post?: Originally leftovers from my "main" account. :iconxailenrath-comics:, but, slowly, this became my main account.

Do you get a lot of comments?: No, not really.

Why did you choose this username?: It's my middle name.

Tag 8 other ppl you would like to know better!:
The 8 folks I would tag have already been tagged.
  • Listening to: "You're so Vain" - Carly Simon
  • Reading: webcomics
  • Watching: Loud House
  • Playing: WANTING to play Plants vs Zombies 2! (so bad!)
  • Eating: French Toast
  • Drinking: coffee
So, just about a month ago, I got hemorrhoids.... or so I thought.
There was a painful swelling In my backside region, and, being the knucklehead that I was raised to be, I tried to ignore it, treat it with Preparation H and Witch hazel and continue with my life. Big Mistake.
After going to work for two days with this nonsense going on, I finally got my head outta my swollen ass and went to the emergency room.
Come to find out that the "hemorrhoids" were actually a cellulitis infection.
That infection also gave way to a bladder/bowel infection. I had to have surgery. Not a big one, but a big ENOUGH one.
I laid up in a hospital bed for the better part of 2 and a half weeks.
I have suffered the humiliation and pain of having IVs poked into every available vein I have. Strangers have seen me naked. I I have worn the hospital equivalent of a diaper (and a frilly one, at that! WTF hospital?!). Strangers have seen me naked. I have been painfully constipated, only to turn around and have pooped myself a day later.
I have been given meds that turned my pee bright orange. I went 2 weeks without a single good night's sleep. Honestly, I think I went a little nuts there. Doctors & nurses asked a million questions AT me when I was in no shape to really answer, and no one really listened when I did talk.
On top of all that, I was informed that I was "pre-diabetic". I don't know what "pre' diabetic is, but it didn't matter, because 45 minutes later, I was DIABETIC. Now I'm on an insulin regimen.

So, I am finally out of the hospital. The bladder/bowel thing is slowly resolving itself. The cellulitis infection is getting better, and the diabetes isn't the nightmare it was back when my granddad had it. Oddly, the diabetes seems to be the most worry-free part of this whole ordeal, despite having to jab needles into my gut 4 times a day.
Hopefully, I can get back to work soon. I am going stir crazy at home and running low on funds. The worst bit Is that, not only is the art mojo not flowing while I have all this free time, but, in the wake of all this, my hands have started shaking at times.
I am still having bathroom issues, and I still have irrigation tubes and gauze in my buttock, but, my doctor says that I am getting better. Of course, my worst nightmare, being a slow-walking infirm old fart, seems to be coming true, but I will deal with it.

So, at only halfway thru, 2016 has been a total write-off for me. Sad thing is, after all this life-changing mess, I can still honestly say that this hasn't even been the worst year of my life.
I'm still around, and still trying to draw and create. You should do the same.
Let nothing stop you, and be sure to take care of yourselves! You never know when the Powers That Be may decide to be assholes to you.
  • Listening to: "Gasoline" - Audioslave
  • Reading: webcomics
  • Watching: Avengers Assemble
  • Playing: Diamond Digger Saga
  • Eating: cookies
  • Drinking: coffee
I'm in the hospital.
to put it simply, because I don't want to type out all the excruciating details - I thought I had hemorrhoids, but I was wrong. I had a very bad infection which required an operation,that led to a bladder infection.
On top of all that, I'm diabetic!
so, yeah...
Life is now 213% less enjoyable and it was pretty crappy to begin with.
I'm not saying that I'll never draw again, but I won't be around this site or any of the other art sites too much anymore for the foreseeable future.
Thank you all who've enjoyed my art and have made art for me.
Thank you to those over the years who listened when I spoke, and helped me when I needed it.

Take care of yourselves.
  • Listening to: "Gasoline" - Audioslave
  • Reading: webcomics
  • Watching: Avengers Assemble
  • Playing: Diamond Digger Saga
  • Eating: cookies
  • Drinking: coffee
I'm gonna try this whole "8 things about your character meme".
1.) Post the rules. 
2.) Post 8 facts about your character. 
3.) Tag 8 other characters.
4.) Post their names along with their creators avatars. 

I wasn't tagged, and, since just about everyone I would tag whose characters I'd like to know about has already done it, I won't be tagging anyone else.
Here's a bit about Rush
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!) Rush was one of the characters of my original superhero universe of projects, and to be one of the many, MANY grandchildren of my Black Cheetah character, but, I decided to reboot that universe (a lot of that going around. I'm looking at YOU, Marvel & DC!) and I tweaked her origin slightly and made her the first official new character of my 'new' Universe. What I have of the new Xailenrath Comics Superhero Universe revolves around her in some way.

2) Rush HATES it when people underestimate the versatility of super-speed or say that she (or any other speedster) "just runs fast". That is her "trigger', and she will lecture, harangue and/or maybe even beat someone bloody at superspeed for disrespecting her powers. She will even defend the reputation of evil speedsters if it comes to it.

3) The first (and to date, only) fanart of Rush was made by :iconthecosmicbeholder:, one of my favorite makers of comics, in his sketchbook!
Sketchbook fun by TheCosmicBeholder

4) I gave Rush a pair of escrima sticks to use in hand to hand battles, because I almost never see folks with actual superpowers use weaponry. I figured a gun would be useless to someone who can run faster than a speeding bullet, and I've already used blades for another speedster antihero called Raze a few yeas ago.
I opted for the sticks due to A)my love of Daredevil, Mockingbird and Nightwing. B)I almost never see a speedster with any real fight skills. They tend to be brawlers. I wanted Rush to have studied at least SOME martial arts. She's no ninja, but the skills she has with hands, sticks and kicks, plus the speed make her pretty formidable.

5) Rush is bisexual, but, due to past heartbreaks and small-mindedness on the part of some of her exes and former friends, she is currently shying away from love and relationships.
In her most apprehensive moments regarding relationships, she sees men as being perverted cavemen, and women as crazy and possessive. Both genders seem to be rather put-off by her bisexuality in one way or another. She has an on again/off again relationship with one Trevor Bevis, a college classmate/friend with benefits with whom she feels comfortable. Trevor himself is bisexual and has gone through a lot of the same trials and tribulations as she has concerning his sexuality and the lack of acceptance thereof. He would like to move the relationship further, but is terrified of driving Regina (Rush) away and losing her friendship.
Though she has yet to admit it to herself, Regina throws herself into dangerous situations as Rush to keep her mind off of her self-imposed personal and social distance from the idea of romance.

6) Rush does not like team-ups. She feels that a speedster is only ever afforded respect when they work solo. If a speedster is part of a team, it seems to her, that they are relegated to the position of the Sidekick/"Messenger of the Gods", or worse - the Distraction, while the 'Flying Bricks' and Energy Casters do the "real work". As she seems to have this pathological need to 'prove herself', she prefers to do things her own way and on her own terms if she can help it. She WILL ask for and/or accept help If the situation is dire enough, but, she's still very stubborn if and when it comes down to that.

7) Rush is thoroughly awash in abject LUST for her fellow superheroine, Idol. So much so, that often times when she does see fit to work with the U-Genes, she can become distracted in battle, or even zone out in the middle of a casual conversation while staring at her.

8) Rush is, oddly enough, constantly on the lookout for an archenemy. A supervillain to DEFINE her as a hero. The closest thing she has encountered, however, is in Redeye. Redeye is an alternate reality version of Rush, herself... unfortunately, she's NOT a villain. In her own world, she was a heroine, just like Rush. When she came to this world, she continued to be a heroine, often showing Rush up and is seemingly a more capable hero. Due to this, in the presence of Redeye, Rush tends to obsess over her own shortcomings and thus, hates Redeye's guts with a passion. After 3 months of Redeye taking residence in NYC, taking down villains and working alongside Rush's own friends, the superhero group known as the U-Genes
<da:thumb id="580091005"/>, Rush had had enough of her counterpart's "interference".
Harsh words were exchanged and Rush flew off the handle. She attacked her parallel reality twin. To onlookers, the blurry superspeed fight lasted all of 7 seconds, but the speedsters traded blows for what would have been a 49 minute fight in regular time. Nimbus, the weather controlling member of the U-Genes finally separated them and suggested that they should settle their differences like speedsters - with a race. A run down to Philadelphia, touch the Liberty Bell, and back. The race was run. It took all of 37 minutes and 19 seconds round-trip.
Rush lost.
Defeated, dejected and still angry, Rush was set to leave town. Redeye bade her stay. The alternate reality Regina Reynolds opted to leave instead. This New York was not her home. This EARTH was not her home, so it didn't matter to her WHERE she hung her hat. She left town that day and set off for Philadelphia.... but not before grabbing Idol, the U-gene's resident flying brick, in a tight, grope-y embrace and planting a huge kiss on her lips... something Rush had been wanting to do since first laying eyes on the gorgeous young superheroine, but didn't have the courage. THIS made Rush despise her counterpart even MORE. Though they are on the same side of the law, and even the same PERSON, in a way, Rush considers Redeye her WORST enemy.
  • Listening to: "Gasoline" - Audioslave
  • Reading: webcomics
  • Watching: Avengers Assemble
  • Playing: Diamond Digger Saga
  • Eating: cookies
  • Drinking: coffee
Back from my trip to California!
New art is on the way. Happy New Year!!
  • Listening to: "Thriller" - Michael Jackson
  • Reading: webcomics
  • Watching: Robot Chicken
  • Playing: Diamond Digger Saga
  • Eating: cookies
  • Drinking: coffee
I just noticed that yesterday marked my 12 year anniversary with this DA space.
This means that exactly 12 years and a day ago, I decided to go ahead and apply to have my name legally changed to Johann-Octavius Xailenrath Gans.
In 2 weeks, on January 2nd, it will be than anniversary of the day the change took effect.
In hindsight, of course, it seems like only yesterday.
I think I am gonna treat January 2nd like my "second birthday" and really spoil myself.... like a 12 year old. Cake and icecream and some oddball little toy-present that strikes my fancy.
Then, I'm gonna watch whatever movie was cool back when I actually turned 12, Netflix permitting, and stay up late.
In these harsh days, we all need to spoil ourselves from time to time.

It has been a pretty tumultuous 12 year for me, since moving to the Pacific Northwest, but, overall, I guess it has been pretty good. I won't lie, though. Getting older is a bummer, and if I could go back in time to my actual 12th birthday and relive those years (with a few changes, obviously), I would in a heartbeat.

Take care everyone. Treat yourselves, and treat others well.
Here's to the new year!
  • Listening to: "Somebody's watching me" - Rockwell
  • Reading: webcomics
  • Watching: SuperMansion
  • Playing: Diamond Digger Saga
  • Eating: cookies
  • Drinking: coffee
So, very soon, I am gonna start doing simple commissions to provide me with coffee and art paper while I look for a new day job and complete the coloring book I have been commissioned to do.
Prices to come soon, but, as I haven't really done much in the way of online commissions, I would like a bit of info from those of you who have -
Mainly, when sending a client a digital copy of one's work, what is the best dpi/ppi/pdf/etc. to send them a digital copy?
How big should it be in terms of px?
I want to make this the best and easiest experience possible for all parties involved, thus, input and feedback is appreciated.
  • Listening to: "Where the River Flows" - Collective Soul
  • Reading: webcomics
  • Watching: Marvel's Jessica Jones
  • Playing: by ear
  • Eating: cookies
  • Drinking: coffee
Things seem to be going Ok as far as this whole "Make art before diving back into dead end jobs" thing is going.
I think that, with this little bit of motivation I have created for myself, I have started, worked on and finished more things in the first 10 days of November than I have for the last 2 or 3 months!

I have a rudimentary plan and a realistic to-do list.
I am working on a commissioned coloring book for my local coffee shop.
I have 22 drawings in various stages of completion, including the pages for the coloring book.
I am planning on doing something a little different with my website when the new year comes in.
I am using my social media a bit more for art and branding purposes, as I am not really a 'social' person.
-tumblr, twitter, instagram, facebook, imgur, artstation, livejournal, storm-artists, 2 deviantarts... I even joined reddit!
It's time I got my name out there.

I've even gotten my broken phone replaced and upgraded!
If I am going to make this my job, then, I am damn well going to commit to it!

I realize that I still have a LOT to learn! I am self-taught, and, sadly to say, that's kind of a bad thing in the graphic arts biz. If all goes well I will be (*gulp*) going back to school sometime in 2016.
For the time being, I am planning on doing simple commissions, once I nail down the price range.
(Effort and equipment divided by time/deadline, or something to that effect, as I have been told.)
Once sussed out, I will definitely post the price list here to get the word out.
Wish me luck!
  • Listening to: "Where the River Flows" - Collective Soul
  • Reading: webcomics
  • Watching: The Amazing World of Gumball
  • Playing: fast and loose
  • Eating: cookies
  • Drinking: coffee
Alrighty. So, Monday was my last day at my job. There's some things I will miss about the place, and some things I most definitely WON'T. Y'know, normal 'job's done' stuff.
Anyway, while I DO have at least two immediate options - before I start looking for yet another dead-end job to occupy my pre-grave days in abject misery or just accept the first thing put in front of me out of knee-jerk fear - I have decided to do something a little crazy. I have decided to actually try to do something that I WANT to do and pursue an activity that won't make me miserable. I am gonna try to make my cartooning pay.
I am already working on a themed coloring book for my local coffeeshop, and, I guess, eventually I'm gonna do simple commissions and hop on that whole Patreon bandwagon.
I still have a lot to learn, though, both art-wise and business-wise, so God help me, I may just wind up going back to school sometime in 2016, if I can find/get the courses I WANT without having to take a bunch of filler classes.
Any advice and support from anyone who knows me and/or has been through this sort of thing themselves will be appreciated.

This week, I am just resting. I have been working almost nonstop for quite some time now. When I told my boss I wanted a few days off, I never expected the entire business to close down, but, hey. Life, right?
So, extra sleep, getting up early, change in diet. It's only been 2 days and I already feel much better, Much HAPPIER, but, soon, the euphoria will wear off and It'll be back to business as usual, and I don't want that, so, I HAVE to make this work.
I don't wont to spend the rest of my life merely 'surviving', yet HATING my own existence. I have already wasted at LEAST 2 decades doing that.
  • Listening to: "Where the River Flows" - Collective Soul
  • Reading: webcomics
  • Watching: The Amazing World of Gumball
  • Playing: fast and loose
  • Eating: cookies
  • Drinking: coffee
For those still watching, XAILENRATH.COM is back to updating regularly.
I have a buffer of older things uploading every day for the next month, with some newer content updating in mid March.
I hope you like it!
  • Listening to: "Breaking the Girl" - RHCP
  • Reading: webcomics
  • Watching: All Hail King Julien
  • Playing: TMNT: Danger of the Ooze
  • Eating: pizza
  • Drinking: melted ice cream
Happy New Year, dA! is kicking off the new year with 
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Go check it out!
  • Listening to: "Breaking the Girl" - RHCP
  • Reading: webcomics
  • Watching: All Hail King Julien
  • Playing: TMNT: Danger of the Ooze
  • Eating: pizza
  • Drinking: melted ice cream
Having another go at trying to make a website of my very own.
The site, XAILENRATH.COM is active, but, as I am currently learning the ins and outs of ComicPress
(Which I admit I didn't wanna use in the first place, but I am functionally computer illiterate regarding anything but the most rudimentary of HTML code) the site will, for a time, feature things that you have all no-doubt seen before.

I am gonna test my dubious skills initially with the 7 strips of the Knight School'd Project. If you haven't seen them, hop on over to 
and give 'em a look!

If I don't implode the internet, then I will probably repost Evil Empire chapter one to give me a buffer.
(52 strips stretched out over a couple of months isn't that bad.)
I should have new stuff by the beginning of the new year.
(I hope)

I will still most likely upload things here and over at Xailenrath-Comics .
scribbles and designs and character development here and pinups ahd finished works over there.
Wish me luck.
  • Listening to: Welcome to Night Vale podcast
  • Reading: webcomics
  • Watching: Batman: Assault on Arkham
  • Playing: footsie
  • Eating: fish
  • Drinking: cuppa joe
My birthday is at the end of the week, and if I am lucky, I may just have a website a week or so later.
Other than that, nothing new to report.
Carry on.
  • Listening to: Welcome to Night Vale podcast
  • Reading: webcomics
  • Watching: Batman: Assault on Arkham
  • Playing: footsie
  • Eating: fish
  • Drinking: cuppa joe
Evil Empire; Chapter one is done.
Not bad for a cheesy little webcomic that I've done in my spare time.
Sure, it took me over 2 years and some change to do 52 strips, but, hey... I enjoyed it.
Not sure what's in store for the next chapter, as I am still plotting and writing by the seat of my 
pants, but, at least, I have (finally) learned to do things in chapters and allow for actual endings.

Those who have read it, I do hope you have enjoyed it. 
I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
(Hopefully the models and colorings will be more consistant!)

Here's the FIRST strip.
Here's the last in Chapter ONE.

Thanks for reading!!
  • Listening to: The Thrilling Adventure Hour
  • Reading: webcomics
  • Watching: TMNT
  • Eating: cookies
  • Drinking: water
Like I wrote in my facebook, and probably will write in most of the other online places I frequent before the day is over, today marks the anniversary of Jesse Lee Dukellis being taken from this world.

I miss him more than any of my long-winded writings can express.
He was my best friend. There were times while living in Bellingham that I felt he was my only friend.
Those were dark times, indeed, but, he saw me through them with a smile, a bit of advice and probably a hilariously inappropriate comment.
With that, I wouldn't feel so alone and ignored by the world.

He's gone now, and once again, it's that day of the year again when I try my hardest not to focus on loss.
I try and fail. The pain has lessened, but, it never really goes away. Especially considering that I was already broken during the GOOD times. I soldier on. He'd want it that way.
Recently, at a mutual friend's wedding, I saw his widow, Bethaney and their daughter, Bridget for the first time in a while.... she's getting so big! His little girl is beautiful with her big, bright eyes.
Look into those eyes and, you will see Jesse.
I did.
I remember, and thus, after a fashion, he's still here.
Though, I wish that 'fashion' was that he'd never been taken in the first place. This is to be expected, I know.
This sounds a bit selfish. I know that, too, but that's how I feel.

I recently heard the phrase "Adults don't have best friends"
(Ironically enough, from a kid's cartoon).
I believed that for a while. I told myself that for a long while to justify being lonely and out of sync with my surroundings and those who surrounded me.
Part of me still tells myself that every now and again when I look inward and realized that I am still out of sync with my surroundings and that I don't really socialize outside of the art group I attend every tuesday. Even then, as usual, I do more drawing than talking.
Still, I realize that I do have a best friend, now.
She's my girl. The love of my life. Her name is Deb.

She's the best thing to happen to me.... probably my entire life, honestly.
She tells me that she loves me every single day, and, better still, she makes me feel it. I believe it with all my heart, and that is a wonderful feeling. One I haven't experienced in more time than I care to admit out loud.
Even when she doesn't quite "get it" when it comes to my idiosyncracies and all the crap I've been through in life and what it's done to me, she genuinely tries to understand instead of simply dismissing me as being fucked up, or trying to one-up me with exaggerated issues of her own.
She listens.
She cares, and, being the love of my life, she is, indeed, my best friend, now.

I think Jesse would approve.

This time next year, the heartbreak will hurt less. Time heals, etc...
But it will never go away. I don't want it to.
Heartbreak is the lamination that protects memories from wear & tear and keeps them from fading.
  • Listening to: The Thrilling Adventure Hour
  • Reading: webcomics
  • Watching: TMNT
  • Eating: cookies
  • Drinking: water
I can't believe I've had this thing sitting around this long.
  • Listening to: The Thrilling Adventure Hour
  • Reading: webcomics
  • Watching: TMNT
  • Eating: cookies
  • Drinking: water
Started this DA thing for my darker art and superhero type things.
What will someday become my "serious" art.
Let's hope.