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Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

Thu Nov 12, 2015, 11:56 AM

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Hi there,


in the last couple of days one topic always came up again and I just realised something! Not everything is as it seems. What a surprise (not!) but let's get a bit into detail here because we really like believing things are exactly like we imagine them to be!

While having talks one to one with friends and being honest with each other it came out that everyone of us thought the other one had 'made' it or at least was nearer to their personal goals then oneself. That clearly shows that we never really know what's going on in the other persons head and heart and that we only compare ourselves to what we think the other persons 'perfect' life looks like.

Someone like me (freelancer) oftentimes finds herself jealous of the ones having a steady income and job security. They don't have to worry about when they are sick and/or unpaid holidays. On the other hand someone in a regular job, might think deciding everyday anew when to stand up and if and how much to work is something to be jealous about. Not that you can really do this if you want to earn a living ;)

That said we oftentimes only see what we wished we had and not what's attached to that 'benefit'. 

So for me personally there is only one solution:


 Compare yourself only to your past self. 


And that's a tough one!


Because it means you really have to evaluate what you have accomplished say for example 2014 and if 2015 was an improvement to that. I'm not necessarily talking here about a bigger pay check. It can and should include everything important in your life. Did you take better care of your relationships? Did you finally sign up for the dance lessons you always wanted to try out? Did you finish the painting you care about so much that you are to afraid to finish it? The list goes on and on. 

When we compare ourselves to our past selfs we really see what we did and did not accomplish! We see if we really did our best to evolve and become a better person/artist/wife/friend/'insert what is most important to you'. And we can't hide from it!


Which is also the reason why we like to compare ourselves. It's much easier to say person B had it so much better because she/he comes from a rich family or because her/his husband/wife isn't holding her/him back. We can find excuses for ourselves and be jealous. On the other hand we also can say how much better we do and that person C really should turn their life around. Bitching about other people allows us to ignore our own forgotten dreams and have something to talk about.

To make sure I get out of this trap, I started to really have a look at who my friends are a few years back. The ones left now are the ones that inspire me every time we talk, no matter how short the exchange. They are the ones that pick me up when I'm down and don't talk bad behind my back. They are the ones that really care.

And most importantly for me right now:


When we talk, we talk about our plans, our future, our hobbies, our new friends. We talk about the things life could be and how we can get there together. There is no bitching and no envy. We are excited if the other ones gets closer to their dreams and we fuel on it and grow ourselves as well! That doesn't mean we don't talk about heartache and feeling lost sometimes, but we do so to get over it in a joined effort and learn from the experience. And since then I feel so much better about myself and truly believe that I will change for the better year for year.

Also one thing if you should decide to compare yourself only to yourself in the future! Don't think everything is lost, because maybe the last years weren't like you hoped or thought they were. There is no right or wrong. There is just the making of experiences and learning from it. If the last year wasn't like you imagined, try to figure out what the reasons where and work on them!

Also keep in mind that we are the only ones responsible for ourselves. So don't look for others to blame. Surround yourself with people that motivate and inspire you! That support your dreams even if it's not what they dream about and push you in the right direction. Also don't forget to give back! Be the friend you want your friends to be for you!


 PS: If you have interest in more journals like this one, let me know and I make sure to share my experiences with you! I think we all can learn a lot from each other and since I did a lot of research on productivity and goal setting over the last years I would love to share! :hug:

Also please share your thoughts on the topic, like I said we all can learn a lot from each other! That would be amazing!


Many thanks for reading! :bademoticon: 

  • Reading: Dragonriders of Pern
  • Playing: Persona 3 FES
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:iconboldtsketches:
boldtSketches Featured By Owner Edited Jan 1, 2016  Professional General Artist
Thank you very much for this journal. This is one of the truths you sort of already know but tend to forget about during stressful times. And then you need someone who helps you refreshing your memory. Hug 

Happy new year! 
Fireworks 
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:iconsagittarius-a-star:
Sagittarius-A-star Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2015  Student Digital Artist
Thanks for this, I needed to hear exactly this! :) It's easy to fall in the trap of comparing yourself to other people and feeling you can't possibly match their success.... when the reality is that they go through the same stuff you do. I'd love to see more journals like this!! <3
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:iconwundertastisch:
Wundertastisch Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2015  Professional General Artist
I'm very glad I could help you with it. That was the whole purpose of this journal,
keeping us all motivated and inspired :) <3 
I will try my best to write more along those lines, currently I'm just to bombed with work
to feel inspired in the evenings xD :hug:
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:iconsuperjay15:
superjay15 Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you for this. Sometimes we need messages like this so we can get back on track.
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:iconwundertastisch:
Wundertastisch Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2015  Professional General Artist
I'm glad it helps! And yes we most certainly do! :hug: 
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:iconladyraki:
LadyRaki Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
This is very true and so insightful.

i have come from a fairly rough life and looking around now and seeing where I am, there really is so much difference and I have come so far.

I don't have that supportive friend network and when I did have friends all they did was bring me down, not that they were horrible people, I think we just took different paths. Then I moved and made a new friend but she was only really interested while I was useful to her, so I'm back to no friends. 

I do have my partners family and they treat me really well. They support me and are always there when I need them, especially his mum. I think back to before I had them and everything now and I see just how much I do have and how lucky I've been come this far.

But most people I've come across, especially the young ones, don't have self confidence or self worth and I think you need some of that to be able to look back on your past self and see everything clearly.
Reply
:iconwundertastisch:
Wundertastisch Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2015  Professional General Artist
Thank you so much!

I'm very glad you managed to turn your life around. It's so
important to have the right people in our lives. So believe me
when I say that you are currently better off without friends and
him, your son and his family then with the wrong ones!

It also took me years to differentiate the right ones from the
rest and make sure the others leave. There are still 1-2 I'm 
unsure about and I don't know how to handle the situation. But
there is no rush, I will find out and then make the right choice :)

To maybe find new friends - next to the internet, because
unfortunately we are very far way from one another - look
in places where people are that share your interests. So maybe
try to find out if there are sketch groups where you live. 
People that meet to draw and learn from one another. Go to
museums together to study etc. Thanks to the internet it's
way easier to do so know.

And I'm sure you have other interests as well. They are always
the best place to start looking where you could find the right
people.

I have the feeling the older we get the harder it is to find new
interesting people, because we are so caught up in our lives
that we stop looking and the opportunities get slim. 

So going to a yoga class and saying hi to someone that looks nice
and starting a conversation might be an opportunity. My most
recent friend comes from my pole sport training so yay :D

And you are so right about self confidence and self worth, and 
unfortunately it's not only the young ones. We all have to try
and start loving ourselves for who we are and start working on
the parts we want to change. That way we can differentiate the
good friends from the bad, and know what's healthy for us and
what not. 

It seems you do know quite well so you are on the right track to
eternal happiness :D :hug:
Reply
:iconladyraki:
LadyRaki Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
I definitely want to go out and meet people but it's hard for me, I don't get much time off from the kids and even when I do, I suffer from anxiety so getting out of my comfort zone, especially with people is hard.
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