literature

Sorry I'm A Man

Deviation Actions

WordOfChen's avatar
By
Published:
979 Comments
27K Views

Literature Text

Sorry I'm A Man:

He stands there naked
A blank-faced label
No features
No face
He is not an individual
He is exactly what you make him to be

The product of your misguided hate
The product of your personal prejudice
Caught blind and shackled
Voice stripped and throat cut
On knees and hands
He crawls beneath a slanderous hail

"Let they who are without sin, be the first to cast a stone"
Then you must all be innocent, unblackened and pure

Instead what I see
Is not angel wings and a white halo
Instead what I see
Is your silent profanity
Twisted obscene mask of humanity

Beneath the righteous sword of a figure of justice
Lies a rotting core of devil's teeth and black smoke
Blasphemous abberation
Crooked mirror of lies
"Guilty until proven innocent"
Is what I see in your eyes

He is not an individual
He is exactly what you make him to be
He is the monster, the abuser, the criminal and the pig
He is the violent, the drunk, the pervert and the enemy

Care not for the fact that he is a person
For at his core he cannot be human
All are like him, carbon-copies
And in the end they are all the same

Thus we decree that they shall stand naked
With blank-faced labels
No features
No face
Forever condemned to bear a shameful title
We of the cowardly creed shall dub thee
'Man!'

-Chen Yuan Wen, 2nd October 2012
Please spread the word that bigotry is wrong by faving it

If you'd like to view the second episode of WordofChen Live to hear my reading and singing style go here: [link]

Author's Comment:

First off its very rare that I choose to write SLAM poetry...it's not my style and its very different from the more refined image I prefer to portray. However, sometimes in life you see s*** that just pisses you off big time.

I won't really name names, but there are poems out there that seem to very focused on labelling men as perverts, criminals, rapists, thugs, bullies and walking balls of lust. However, this is incorrect. If such a statement were true then what rappers say about women (i.e. calling them 'hoes' and 'b****es') would be true, but we all know that it is not.

However, when someone starts creating poetry that only spreads a message of hate and it gets passed off as art. That crosses the line for me. I very rarely get involved in these sorts of things but for once I'm taking a stand.

JUDGE THE INDIVIDUAL, DO NOT USE A LABEL! Just because you had ONE bad experience with a guy doesn't make them all bad. Just because you dislike/fear men, doesn't mean that every man is an abusive alcoholic or a drooling dog that only seeks to satisfy his biological urges. WE ARE ALL INDIVIDUALS.

You wanna know what I do when I want to get a girl? (This is how I got my girlfriend by the way). I looked up her favourite song, "Man Who Can't Be Moved" by The Script. Memorised the lyrics and sang it for her because I knew she would love it and I wanted to tell her that even during the ups and downs of our relationship, I would be waiting for her back at that corner where we first met. We are still together because of this.

So please, let's keep art the way it is. Let it be ENTERTAINMENT. It should not be a medium to spread bigotry or prejudice about one particular gender. That is no different to a racial or religious slur. EVERYONE is an INDIVIDUAL, We are UNIQUE, we are not a STATISTIC. We do not fit into LABELS!

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:

P.S. Crew journal will be up in the morning, working on secret project for now

Other Poems by Me:
Where Angels Play Where Angels Play:

A lonely spark appears before me tonight
amongst the struggles deep inside of me...
Should I give in, will I breathe in?

How much more can I be forced to take
before my soul breaks?
Shards crashing into me
letting me know I am alive
If only
I am barely breathing...

The moon lights my pathway
deep in dark, where we will fade
I've walked past the archway
Where angels will play...

The warmest touch, upon my skin
Wings that glow with sacred light, from deep within
They have come to take me back, to where I've been
Gone away into the winds, my voice forever lingering

Do I alone escape this and find my peace
wi
Why I Hate My Life Why I Hate My Life:

Despite the fact that I'm a trained professional
I have to work odd-jobs making deliveries on a motorcycle

The only girl who I ever loved
was just using me as a replacement

The only girl that actually likes me
runs a bar and took over my house

I don't have the guts to kick her out
so I end up sleeping at an abandoned church

I've recently picked up a strange rash
it hurts and I have to wear sleeves to cover it

My only friends are a guy that never comes out from a forest
and a girl that's always looking to steal the meager possessions I have

Everything sucks really
because the one person who cared about me
is
My Beautiful Filth My Beautiful Filth:

We'll start with the rose petals
scattered lavishly across the bed
A symbolic collage of my broken thoughts
like memories crushed and thrown into the winds
they lie where they fall, forever forgotten...

Tacks and nails shall line the floor!
A perfect representation of my painful steps
To walk forward was to suffer
to stand still was to endure
Like the insults thrown at me, like the physical abuse
they drive their way into my skin and remain embedded
Unable to be removed except by force

And now comes the masterpiece, the perfect finishing touch
A wall of words and photographs depicting my sorrows and greivance
Whispering to Lucifer Whispering to Lucifer:

Humans are such wonderous creatures
even when granted the gift of knowledge
They fall prey to their own insecurities
slaves to their own fears and paranoia

Such is the father's gift of free will...

Yes my lord, I understand
but do you not feel disappointment?
The great bringer of light has condemned himself to an eternity of darkness
simply so his father's children may roam free

Without adversity, there can be no acension...

Ah, such a philosophical statement from you
I am well aware that humans must experience both extremes
Without tasting joy it would be impossible to understand sorrow
Yet I fear that my


Other Literature by Me:
Mercenary 1-1 MERCENARY

Chapter 1: Blood is Beauty

Release One: Pages 1 - 3

THE COLD AIR in Baron Rorke's study did little to calm his nerves. He was expecting visitors this night and they were not the best of company. A shiver of dread ran down his spine and he spent most of the twilight hours staring out of a large window which stood behind his writing desk. It was amazing, he felt, how quickly a man could become attached to a life of luxury; only to be made painfully aware of how easy it was to lose it. War was always a frightening thing, even more so when one had the knowledge and sense to realise that it was no longer an exercise of glory, but a si
© 2012 - 2021 WordOfChen
Comments969
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
LuvThemHungerGames's avatar
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star: Impact

Thanks for the invite to critique your poem.
I noticed this poem got quiet a mixed amount of reactions and feelings towards it. I agree with about 98% of what you are saying. However, men can stand up for themselves if they see that they are not being treated equal. Just as the african americans did in their freedom movements, as the woman did for womans rights, ect. But I appluad you for taking a stand on this specific topic, and doing it well. It is only an insult to injury when artists cannot portray what theyre feeling for a cause. You did well!
The short, almost choppy phrases put an emphasis on the thoughts and words, and drew the reader's eye to your main focal points. This gives it a more powerful feel. LIke a controlled anger, which is quiet an appropriate idea for such a poem as this.
Your voice is strong, and can clearly be heard throughout and within your words.
The visualization is brash, and prodes its way into the reader's imagination. Thus creating a greater affect on the impact of your poem.
Wonderful ideas and writting. Your style is bold, and I believe that because it is such a debateable topic, it will be loved more by the audience. One side feels like they're finally being heard, while the other feels the need to be heard. Wonderful vicious cycle yes? Vicious in a beautiful, dark way that is.
Keep on writting, I'd love to see more poems parrallel to this one.
May the odds be ever in your favor!
-LuvThemHungerGames
wei-en's avatar
:star::star::star::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star-half::star-empty::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty: Impact

What I love about this poem is that you're addressing an issue that needs to be brought up ever now and then to remind certain groups on the internet that they aren't just screaming at a wall, they're slandering people who haven't called for it. It's something that they tend to forget when there is nobody expressing their voice.

However, you can see your stars are somewhat suffering, and that's because I'm here to critique your poem, and not your argument.

First of all, I'll get originality out of the way. The reason it's like that is, of course, because the topic that you've brought up isn't exactly new. It's just not discussed enough and certainly not in the form of poetry, so I'll give you some for that.

The impact of the poem suffered because your execution isn't up to scratch. As a result, the point that you're trying to make is unclear and considering that the purpose of this poem is to communicate an opinion, this is extremely important. When I started reading, my first thought was that it was about the male body image in modern society, how it robs men of their individuality and voice and how media's hate of anything but the ideal was due to its own ugliness, not that of individuals.

Of course, there are similar themes. But the fact is that was not exactly what you are trying to say. And it wasn't mostly due to what you were saying - it was largely to do with how you ordered it.

If I were to take each stanza and number them from one to eight, then re-order them based on the idea they express to get the best results, I would put it roughly like this:

1 6 3 4 5 7 2 8

It's not that different and you couldn't have it like that word for word, but can you see how the main point is established thoroughly early in the beginning, and the rest of the ideas come together after it nicely? The completeness of your vision beforehand affects this, and that's why I didn't give you more stars for that.

For techniques, I thought it was good. You managed to avoid cringe-worthy clichés pretty well and the inclusion of quotes/sayings is effective. Repetition is also quite good. There's always room for improvement and the use of punctuation could have given it more dynamics but all in all, I was satisfied in this area.

To conclude, I think it's quite a good poem. The topic and techniques were good, but the composition needed a little more work. I hope that I wasn't too harsh and I'm looking forward to reading more of your work in the future!
WordOfChen's avatar
Thanks for taking the time to critique, however I already have too many critiques posted on my page ^^;, so I will not be accepting any more.

With regards to your wording format choice. Please try re-reading your suggested format, to me, it doesn't gel and bring across the raw emotion. My structure is selected based on the emotions delivered

Hopefully this helps you understand my work better

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
wei-en's avatar
No problem. The critique is for your consideration and benefit anyway, so if you find that it wasn't helpful, it's not something that I particularly care for (but not in a rude way, I'm just saying the critique was for you, not for me). The most important part of the format I suggested was establishing the subject at the beginning but again, it's your work.

Nevertheless, thank you for reading my critique.
WordOfChen's avatar
haha that's fine, I understand where you're coming from, but based on my experience sometimes establishing the subject matter early leads to a more boring piece because it seems too structured, too clean and so it loses the realistic venting aspect of it which is the main focus of slam poetry

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
DeviousKid45's avatar
:star::star::star::star::star: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star: Impact

After reading this, I was lost for words. In shock.

It was rare for this to happen and the last time it happened, I was listening to "Pathetique" by Tchaikovsky.

The other time was reading "The Raven."

I can't place a finger upon it, but I felt a great sense of loss at the end. A part of me died. Sorrow gripped me as the I read it, and it multiplied as I read on. Another powerful poem. People have said that a picture is worth a thousand words but this poem had painted a lot of pictures more than I can count.

An outstanding command of moods and the ability to blend them. Really original. I applaud you for creating yet another masterpiece.
Nikoranasha's avatar
:star::star::star::star::star: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star: Impact

...I know how I said that I wouldn't beable to do a critque...well here it is.

It touched me. It made me realize just how cruel this horrible, horrible world can be and makes me look deep within myself and g over all that I have done to others.

"Let they who are without sin, be the first to cast the stone," rally caught my attention. It made me look even deeper, into the pit of my very soul, and wonder if I was as pure and as innocent as I liked to think.

"Guilty until proven innocent," gave me a vicious slap in the face. How true those words rang in the air or on the paper. Those words made me think about all that I have done wrong and I found myself nearly in tears.

This ais a truly tuching poem. I will give this poem a five star even though I believe it deserves so many more. I hope to see many more like this one...maybe not as dark tough. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt=":)" title=":) (Smile)"/> If it were possible.

Thank you for such an eye opener. You are a splended poet.
Ininsaki's avatar
I see you found what I critiqued xD

Yours is still wonderful nonetheless :)
Nikoranasha's avatar
^^ What I posted was true though...besides I'm +watching you....>:3) I'm watching you....lol
Ininsaki's avatar
:giggle:

Well I'm very glad that you are one of my watchers. It adds to the few I have. I haven't been putting much up recently due to a fear eating away at me, and I'm going to see a doctor about it on the 15th...

I hope I'll get at least one thing up before then though
Nikoranasha's avatar
Ininsaki's avatar
It might just be more poetry xD
Nikoranasha's avatar
WordOfChen's avatar
Thank you for your critique. I might be doing one soon that might be a little darker though and its from the woman's perspective.

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Nikoranasha's avatar
...well I'll read...count on it! :)
Galaxygirllove's avatar
:star::star::star::star-empty: Overall
:star-half::star-empty::star-empty::star-empty::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Originality
:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star: Impact

I know you won't post this on your deviations page, I feel I need to say this:
As a white person, I can understand where you're coming from. Sometimes I feel as though people are quick to judge because of my ancestry's history of lording over other races, especially here in America.
However, the occasional discomfort I face is rather insignificant compared to the plight of the people who were oppressed by my race, and continue to be oppressed.
For a long time, women have had it hard. They still do. They get paid less and are shamed for behaviors considered "normal" for a man (slut-shamming).
And really, even though this has gone on since time immemorial, most women do not judge men because they are men. Those that do are in a distinct minority. It is a non-issue.
And in all truth, men do commit more murders, robberies, and rapes than women. It's just a fact, and one I have seen evidence of in real life. It doesn't mean all men are bad in the eyes of the female gender as a whole, but it does persuade them to be weary.
And really, I'm honestly a little offended you would victimize your gender like this, because it simply isn't the truth.
Anyway, I can only hope you'll actually read this, and perhaps take some of what I've said objectively. I almost wrote something rude in the comments box, but I decided this was the better route. Thank you if you took the time to hear me out.
WordOfChen's avatar
As a female it is natural you will feel this way. This part: "men do commit more murders, robberies, and rapes than women"

Shows that you already bear a prejudiced ideal. I urge you to open up your mind and see things for what they really are

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Galaxygirllove's avatar
Actually, it is true. Here is an example:
[link]

Not only is it true statistically, but it's true in real life. Both my female friends and I have been hit on and harassed by men, but never a single woman (it should be noted I live in a very liberal place, and the LGBT population here is large and well-accepted, so I meet lesbians on a regular basis).
That isn't to say it doesn't happen, but it's just less likely. It's not that women are better people, they're just built differently psychologically-speaking. They deal with anger differently and have a very different concept of sexuality.
WordOfChen's avatar
Sorry, but where I live things are different.

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Galaxygirllove's avatar
Wow, that got a much higher overall rating than I intended.
Look at how goddamn nice I am.
Alois-Noette's avatar
:star::star::star::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star: Vision
:star::star::star-half::star-empty::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star-empty::star-empty::star-empty: Impact

I'm pretty sure the exact same poem could be written about a woman—substitute the gender words—and it'd get just as many notes or whatever. It's all about the argument's presentation. A basic appeal to human compassion. If you'd specified this poem better (I realize it's hard to do without introducing stereotype) so that it didn't automatically cast the readers into making a sympathy vote towards the subject, it might be more effective as a poem overall.

While I'd like to applaud your efforts, this kind of argument is exactly why feminism hasn't been going anywhere. Because people just argue. And don't stop arguing. About gender as relates to politics, sex, opinions, daily life, everything. And nothing gets done. Sure, men are people. Sure, women are people. If that ever had been fully realized in people's minds, maybe there'd be no need for sexism, anti-sexism, feminism, whatever else....? It'd be nice. But I don't know about that as a solution in the slightest.
WordOfChen's avatar
In response to your statement. I would like to say that, while people don't stop arguing the effects of such works are still felt within society

As a result of feminism, there is the attitude that it is okay to demonize men, but once you portray a woman negatively in one of your works...all of a sudden everyone is up in arms.

It's the same thing as being white and saying 'I'm proud to be white', a statement which nobody would bother about if you were asian, black or any other race, but if you're white then suddenly its a racist statement. (just to note, I'm asian)

The fact of the matter is that right now women can say whatever about men, but if men say it back its 'sexist' or 'sexual harassment'. That is why I hope NOT for a solution, but simply to equalize the playing field. There are no winners in this game, I'm just playing to live.

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Alois-Noette's avatar
Really, I'm not as bothered with the actual statement you're making as I am with the operandus. The language itself. These days, you're going to be hard pressed to find people going around making statements that weighty (or implied) sociopolitically without a stronger case for it. I just want the "man" described to be something other than a cookie-cutter outline*. That's all.

*(unless the lack of specificity, and general ambiguity, about the man was an idea central to the poem, which would also probably strengthen it)

I'm not trying to argue. Seriously. I just...kind of want to see something new and different with these sorts of poems, in the way they're written.
WordOfChen's avatar
Theeen you might have to attempt it yourself xD

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates :iconwordofchen:
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In