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"you flinched," he says, a space
where lips had been before.
no longer touching, we remain
silent.
Full title: "I don't believe in 'always' any more."

This is based off a sketch I scribbled down in Chemistry today, which is half a page of very bad prose.
I managed to condense it into four lines of very bad poetry.

Definitely making progress, here. xD
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:iconejectionletter:
ejectionletter Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
i don't believe in it either.
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:iconwonderfulrachel:
wonderfulrachel Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2009
it's just a word.


...thanks for the fave, love. :)
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:iconpeter-t-d-walker:
Peter-T-D-Walker Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
I adore the fact that it's only four lines long, but tells such a huge story.
In all honesty, based off this, I'd read a novel length version, but I don't think it needs anything else. There is perfection to be found in simplicity.
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:iconwonderfulrachel:
wonderfulrachel Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2009
thankyou so much for such a lovely comment. :)

seriously.
thankyou.



-blush-
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:iconpeter-t-d-walker:
Peter-T-D-Walker Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Aawh, that's okay :hug:
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:iconcarousel-dreams:
Carousel-Dreams Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2009
whenever you should feel like it you should elaborate on this, sounds like a fantastic beginning of a short story.
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:iconwonderfulrachel:
wonderfulrachel Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2009
it was originally a short story...I'm still tweaking it. xD as in, rewriting and rewriting because it's not going right. D:

We'll see.


:)
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:iconcarousel-dreams:
Carousel-Dreams Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2009
i am sure it will all pan out well, i look forward to reading it
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:iconevcfenix:
evcfenix Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2009
i dont think this is shabby at all. perfectly says what it has to say, with an opening line thats engaging. the silence can be heard.
:thumbsup:
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:iconwonderfulrachel:
wonderfulrachel Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2009
thankyou very much, sweetie. :)
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:iconevcfenix:
evcfenix Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2009
ur welcome :)
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:iconposhlost:
poshlost Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Eh, you could do better.
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:iconwonderfulrachel:
wonderfulrachel Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2009
i was going to upload it to scraps. but i thought "fuck it, nobody watches my scraps anyway."

>.<
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:iconwildbluesun:
Wildbluesun Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2009
Oh, but this is brilliant. Really made me think; the brevity is perfectly placed. Having to stop and re-read for the sense to come through works so well with the length.
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:iconwonderfulrachel:
wonderfulrachel Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2009
oh, thankyou! :)

that really made my day. seriously. :) comments like that - where people have actually thought about the poem - well. just the fact you've thought about my poem, really.
that's enough.

-smile-
Reply
:iconwildbluesun:
Wildbluesun Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2009
:) Thanks. Knowing that someone really liked my comment makes me smile.

Seriously, I have a huge grin on my face right now.
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