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Erase by windfalcon Erase by windfalcon
A personal piece. It's so hard to put a feeling or emotion in visual form, but this accomplishes maybe a little of what's been going on. Dealing with a lot of feelings of self-loathing and feeling worthless and flawed. Nothing can be as I want or need it to be - there are always parts missing. Usually those parts are my own shortcomings. I feel subhuman at times, like everyone else is what a human is supposed to be and I'm stunted. A "just that kind of person..." that is always put second by instinct. Child-level, but repulsive in an adult body.

Watercolor and graphite, 9X12 inches
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:iconlulumarliah:
lulumarliah Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2016  Professional Interface Designer
cool
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:iconsiennablue:
SiennaBlue Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
This is very moving.  While I can never know exactly how it feels to be you, I do recognize many of my own feelings about myself in what you wrote.  What I do know, without doubt, is that you are INCREDIBLY talented and creative.  I wish you Healing and Wholeness.  :heart:
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:iconrhaensong:
Rhaensong Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2016
Well put, SiennaBlue. I struggle and stumble on a very similar Path some days. I add only... (((HUGS))) to you both. 
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:iconeledhwen-arts:
Eledhwen-Arts Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This is a wonderful piece of art, be sure about that ! 
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:iconwaterhealing:
waterhealing Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:heart:
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:icongoodspiritwolf:
GoodSpiritWolf Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2015  Professional Artisan Crafter
You are what you show the world - and I would say you are a beautiful wise soul - who will always return itself to center. Any human being who can express beauty in the way that you do is truly an amazing creation to behold. After 66 years on earth I still have some of the same moments - but then I say "aw fuckit, got to move on here, got stuff to do." Warmest regards, David
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:iconwindfalcon:
windfalcon Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2015  Professional Traditional Artist
Thank you :)
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:iconbodequam:
bodequam Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2015  Professional Traditional Artist
my favorite bird! ever since i was little.
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:iconwindfalcon:
windfalcon Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2015  Professional Traditional Artist
Me too :)
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:iconlovelyladygray:
LovelyLadyGray Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2015  Professional Artisan Crafter
Many many hugs to you as a fellow artist who loves birds, the endless beauty of Nature, and your sense of humor just makes me smile.  I understand how it is to feel to feel lonely, also there are times when I doubt my skills for creating art, and with encouragement from friends, and family one is never alone.  You tap into whatever you're thinking or feeling which just adds many interesting layers to your absolutely gorgeous watercolor paintings, Brenda.  Right now I'm pretty close to getting a 9" x 12" watercolor painting of a Swedish fairy ring that I drew in August 2010 during a trip.  So fun! ^U^

Your leather masks bring back a lot of very happy memories when I made masks out of paper mache all those years ago.  We artists are just a tad more complicated than non-artist people due to the Creative Process.  I haven't been drawing much so my class notes for my tough Social Science class are full of tiny 1" ball-point pen sketches that I'm hoping to enlarge. 

We all have flaws: my main problem was being intimidated by perspective for YEARS until a demo of breaking down the shapes of how to draw buildings gave me such a thrilled feeling of learning something new, and to create a diptych of the cityscape of England with a Heraldic wolf-bird gargoyle at night and a lovely British human woman on the daytime part.  It's in acrylics, and boy having a new art challenge is a pretty good way to just let go, and have a blast.  :hug: =D 
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:iconteavian:
Teavian Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2015   Digital Artist
I've been dealing with feelings like that too for ages...they suck so much. But you're a really awesome person. You do so many amazing things too. Being flawed is good for all of us, because we can keep learning and growing.
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:iconcelestial-rainstorm:
Celestial-Rainstorm Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
This is simply amazing. Your talent never ceases to amaze me. 
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:icondeserti:
Deserti Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2015   Digital Artist
Beautiful piece. I want to let you know that your feelings were communicated flawlessly through the painting as I could determine the nature of your struggle before even reading the description. Fantastic work
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:iconmequick:
MEQuick Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2015  Student Traditional Artist
Isn't art a beautiful thing though, in that it allows you to express yourself and vent some of those pent-up feelings onto paper with the stroke of a brush?
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:iconluna-bug:
Luna-Bug Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2015
This is amazing
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:iconauua-ytjoml:
Auua-Ytjoml Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
From what I know of you through how you express yourself I think you are a wonderful person. No one is absolutely perfect; the flip side of that saying is that everyone has shortcomings. They doesn't make you less human, they makes you more so! 
With everyone pretending that they're feeling AOK, it makes feeling like you are right now, even more lonely. I know I've felt like I must be the only one who doesn't- or can't- or isn't- but the truth is we're never alone. YOU'RE never alone. 
At the very least you have a whole herd of people who get warm fuzzies just waiting to learn more about you and your artwork. Keep on trying! We love you!Hug 
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:iconmatahastic:
Matahastic Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Just beautiful! This piece is very realistic-looking and so much lovely detail, also on that leaves!
Yet for your amazing artwork you shouldn't feel worthless because it's really stunning and beautiful!
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:iconlyrak:
Lyrak Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2015   Traditional Artist
I... think I know this feeling. May or may not be for the same or even similar reasons, but... both the image and the description thereof...
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:iconstorymaker91:
StoryMaker91 Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2015  Hobbyist
We are all of us broken, but also, we are all of us loved and cherished. 
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:iconscarabscorner:
ScarabsCorner Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Beautiful piece I send :huggle:
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:iconskiesofchaos:
skiesofchaos Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2015  Professional Photographer
Gentle hugs my friend, this is truly an emotive and expressive work that tears at the soul.
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:iconlyraguppi:
LyraGuppi Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2015
I might not be able to help very much, but I'll definitely say you're not worthless, nor alone with those feelings. c: The drawing is beautiful, btw, great job.
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:iconrebeccawangart:
rebeccawangart Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2015  Professional Traditional Artist
I agree with what everyone else has said above, and I could not add anything without repeating what has already been said.  Just know you are not alone, and a lot of people feel that way sometimes. I just hope whatever is making you feel worthless stops soon and you feel better about yourself.
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:iconscorpionlina:
Scorpionlina Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2015
This is such a beutiful work!!
It is really impressive!!

I am sorry for what you feel ... 
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:iconsnapdragoon:
Snapdragoon Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2015  Professional Traditional Artist
I've been dealing with what I believe are similar emotions lately. I see how I can barely handle simple life tasks (like laundry and grocery shopping), how I can't bear to hear everyday sounds, how I can't 'suck it up' (as my coworker suggests) and work a traditional job full time because of mental and physical problems, and I get these thoughts that I'm not good enough to survive and that I can't possibly make a living and succeed at life because I'm faulty, and that I should just give up and stop trying. Living is exhausting and I'm always having to push myself past my limits and having to overcome things that seem easy for most others around me.

Even better, nobody thinks there is anything wrong with me because I do overcome these things and on the outside, I seem like a very capable person. Even my therapist has said so. And when I tell someone I'm struggling mentally they don't believe me. This makes me feel so, so alone in facing my difficulties, and all the more afraid to speak up about them.

I just try to remind myself how far I've come, how much I've accomplished -- slowly but surely -- and that I am stronger for overcoming my difficulties. I tell myself that it may be so much harder for me to do what the average person can do, but that I can do it, and more. It never goes away, but I'm always trying to develop the skills needed to deal with it better.

This is a beautiful and emotionally charged work of art. Your struggles do not make you any less of a person; in fact, in my opinion, it makes you more of one.

(Sorry for the wall of text)
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:iconjamiebrite:
JamieBrite Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2015
Wonderful use of color variation to shade the neck!
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:iconthemushroomancer:
TheMushroomancer Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2015  Professional General Artist
I wish what you are saying didn't make so much sense to me. You've expressed it beautifully though!
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:iconflight-level:
Flight-Level Featured By Owner Edited Oct 21, 2015  Student Digital Artist
I am very sorry that you are feeling this way...
You are worth more than you could ever imagine; everything you are is what makes you unique. Even though we have flaws, that does not mean that we are in any way worth less. You are loved, and I hope that you may come to love yourself in the same way. You are a kind and wonderful person with unprecidented talent! Though we may have our shortcomings, there is always a solution to any issue that you want to solve. It is common for all of us to fall short, as it is in our nature. Just know that you are not known for your mistakes—you are known for much, much greater things than that.
I really hope that you do feel better. If you ever need anything, feel free to let me know.
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:iconlapis-lazuri:
lapis-lazuri Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm sorry about how you feel.... This made me think of something else though, of environmental issues and threatened species....
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:iconwindfalcon:
windfalcon Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2015  Professional Traditional Artist
There is no "wrong" interpretation. :) that one can be just as valid.
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:iconlapis-lazuri:
lapis-lazuri Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh, sure. But there's certainly the meaning of the author (;
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:iconfuzzonix-x7:
Fuzzonix-x7 Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2015  Student General Artist
Nobody is ordinary, or worthless. You could either tolerate it, or find some people that accept you for who you are. Also, at times people, friends & family help fill the empty gaps. Anyway, really like the picture, I agree that making pictures with meaning and emotion is hard. But once it's done, it's well worth it :)
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:iconcaine-of-nod:
Caine-of-Nod Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
Impressive Artwork!!!!
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:iconemmaesme:
EmmaEsme Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2015
Beautiful piece, I love peregrine falcons and autumn leaves too. Please remember you are not worthless, think of those who love you and enjoy all the things you bring to this world. As with "normal" there is no definition of "human"; be yourself, embrace who you are and surround yourself with like-minded individuals. Love yourself, we all have self-considered shortcomings and flaws, and they are part of being human. Others around us, might not even see them as we do. Just as artists are their own toughest critic, are we our own toughest critics to our selves. Remember everyday, to always keep fighting.
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:iconkeight:
keight Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2015
Oh, Brenda, you aren't, really you aren't. :hug: That "living in two worlds" may be part of our job description, as I have felt that way, on and off for years. I know I feel that way a lot, these days; but, in my case, it is caused by the medication I have to take as a result of post breast cancer treatment. Another part of my problem is spending too much time "in my own head" and not gabbing with other artist friends or other friends in general. Currently I'm a grumpy, frustrated, nit-picking perfectionist, who can't seem to get her act in gear and has the distractability of an otter with a fish and a mudslide. Sound familiar?
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:iconsaerileth:
Saerileth Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
I feel exactly like this, but never could put it into words so well. It's comforting to know that I am not alone.
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:icongersifgalsana:
GersifGalsana Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2015  Professional Writer
I don't know you either, but it's always sad to see someone who loves the world of Nature as much as you do feel somehow not whole. This can only be a human related emotion placed in you by the doubts humanity often bestows on some of us, the way the bad fairy bestowed her curse on Sleeping Beauty. (There is a bit of wisdom in every one of those old stories.)

Your work is lovely, your spirit comes out in it. That is who you are. If people aren't satisfied with you that doesn't matter. If you aren't satisfied with you that is a problem. Don't be hard on yourself. Be kind to yourself as an artist. We aren't the world's most average humans :D. We're different and what we make is our gift to the world. If the world rejects us, too bad. You will always find some bright souls see you for who and what you really are and one of the ways to do this is by looking at what you make.

And what you make is compassionate, beautiful, well wrought and obviously part of your spirit and your soul.

Never allow what the world might have made you feel make you feel that this is you. Only your spirit is you and that the world can break because you allow it. Close that window. It has barbs coming through it, and just keep being who you are. That window has rainbows in it.

:heart:
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:icontheantimonyelement:
TheAntimonyElement Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh darling...

I don't know you personally, but I do know that your art makes me happy, and that your pieces always make me strive to be a better artist. Whenever I see sone thing by you pop up in my feed, I feel a surge of excitement and joy, because you capture so perfectly what is magical and beautiful abut wings and birds and flight, and that is so rare and precious. I'm truly sorry that you've been feeling this way. From my perspective, though, even though I've never met you, I know that you must be a beautiful person. Not just because you paint with extraordinary talent...but because you see the beauty in your subjects, and your love of birds comes through so clearly and powerfully in your art. No-one who can love and empathize with other creatures like that is stunted; instead, a life and talent like yours is celebrated by those around you. Just know that your art inspires me always, and that no matter what you're going through, you have people who love you in your corner. <3
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:iconwindfalcon:
windfalcon Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2015  Professional Traditional Artist
Thank you, your words really mean a lot to me. :) It always makes me happy when I hear that my work brings joy to others. My feelings extend beyond what I can accomplish with art, though. I feel like I'm someone in two worlds - the artist whom people think must be a well-rounded, happy person because of her art, and then the person who feels like she's surviving instead of living.
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October 20, 2015
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