It's been a while since I've posted anything, yeah. I'm sincerely grateful to all those, who're patiently waiting for updates and not throwing rotten vegetables at me for being slow and unavailable. I also appreciate those, who still like my art and sends me cute notes about it. Thank you very much for staying with me despite my long-drawn-out offline.
However, please don't worry if you wait for a commission from me. You'll get it no matter what, have no doubts. I value other's rights and feelings more than my own, so even if you're not giving me the reminding message, my dumb brain will torture me with thoughts about my art-debts and how much you must hate me on a everyday basis c:
I know there are people, who would like to know what's going on (especially with their comms, ye). Several months ago I've been through a very stressful situation, I had moving plans and was doing everything over my limit to make it happen, due to what I couldn't sleep, eat or think straight. Most time I was in pain caused by cramps (caused by stress).
Suddenly my plans collapsed because of a very stupid reason, long story short: I couldn't get an appartment and got the denial just too late to fix anything. I wasn't expecting myself that this will affect my depression and anxiety stuff so much, but I did the impossible and still failed, so... I felt lost. I was exhausted. And in addition got stuck in a very bad artblock. Anyway, this was a chance to concentrate on my health. Yay.
There actually was a period when I felt better, cause thanks to your support I had the finances to eat properly and buy meds, and due to a commission I even could get myself a coat! Haven't bought myself anything during the last 2 years, so it was a nice feeling to know I don't have to freeze this winter. Those little positivities helped me to fix some of my issues, a. e. I managed an anxiety problem: I was really scared to go outside, having the feeling that everyone hates me. Even now, being on my worst again, this issue did not return yet, so that's great progress. Health issues returned tho. As soon as I start to eat poorly skin issues and weight troubles occur.
My liver has to be better tho, I'm drinking the medecine each day, but unfortunately that's not enough to be okay. Like.. a normal person. Honestly, donations still would be much appreciated, but I feel really bad asking for support, because my brain is dumb. But a great way to support I would feel much more comfortable with even if I earn less, would be getting prints from me >-> Don't you wanna fancy shirts&mugs? No? Nevermind.
Ok so, much more important is that I've got a little bit motivation and slowly* return to my art. I dig through my sketches to give y'all what you are waiting for. Actually, I'd have done more, but I got ill for 2.5 weeks (perhaps because we can't afford to heat, lol). I still have a bad cough, but this won't prevent me from working.
Also important: from the 23th December 'til 5th January I won't be online. I'll visit my best friend, because she has trouble which she can't handle alone. She's suicidal and lonely, and a stupid girl made everything worse, so I have to be there. Yes, I have trouble of my own, yes, I'm suicidal on my own, but damn, if a friend needs my help I'll be there for them. It's normal to me to suffer and be anxious, at the same time trying to cheer a friend up, because I know how ducking important it is that someone shows care. If they can't help me, I will at least try to help them.
But I'm sure the trip will give me some energy too. Some positive memories for sure. And just in case it isn't obvious: if I could I would take my tab with me, but it's too huge (huion gt-220v2).
I sincerely apologize for being such a mess, I hate myself for this shit and I'm doing my best to fix it.
[UPD]: The text above was written a week ago, I was too anxious to post it immediately, sorry. Also, I wanted to contact some of you this week to give you updates, but my laptop wasn't working properly (I was really afraid it will break) so I had to wait 'til my brother can fix it. He did yesterday (I'm not 100% sure, I can just hope it will work right now, but at least it doesn't make strange noises anymore) and now, when I wanted to make a few sketches, despite the fact that I actually have to prepare for the flight, I can't get access to it, because the password my brother gave me isn't working. *facehoof* I'm trying to contact him, but lost 1.5 hour already to solve this problem and now I'm having painful cramps because I'm worry. Amazing. :>
I hate that all this may sound like I'm looking for excuses, that's one of the reasons why I'm afraid to share what's going on on my side. However, I'll continue to work harder after I return from Germany and will share some pretty art with you then.
* — saying "slowly" I mean that I was doing this the whole time, but not each day and each hour to avoid over-stressing . I'm working as much as I can, slowly returning to my normal rhythm.