Welcome to a new year, I hope y'all had a good slide into 2019. To me personally it seem to be the year of change, since after my return from Germany a lot of things happened and even more seem to happen very soon.
I know I said I'll return to work after my trip, but the beginning of the year had plenty "nice" surprises ready for me, so I had to solve some problems first, such as:
- Broken laptop
- My parents's "divorce"
- My mom's move
- My own move
- And during the last month I managed to catch a cold, flu & damage my tailbone
First of all I want to apologize to those to which I haven't reached back yet. After I returned from Germany it turned out that my laptop isn't capable for work anymore, since the programs I use for art are crashing. I switched to my husband's PC, but had trouble with transferring data due to the lack of a working external drive and low space on hubby's computer. I still couldn't transfer all my files, but have at least access to some of them again. [UPD: However, I'm now able to solve the problem with the lack of memory].
It's a hard time for my family currently, my mom needs me very much. I couldn't reveal all the details earlier out of fear that a certain person could read it, but now, when we've prepared everything, I think I can share what happened.
So, after 26 years of "marriage" my mom finally decided to leave my father. She wanted this for many years, but had no opportunity, since they aren't married and the laws in our country aren't protecting her, according to what she will lose everything, what she has build over those years (a business, land, two houses). Although it wasn't a simple decision and it won't be a plain path, we believe that with our help and support she now will be able to acquire happiness and harmony.
Together with my sis and brothers we decided to break up with my father as well. You can imagine that it hurts to lose a parent, even tho we never had a good relationship with him. Anything I've ever wanted is to have a normal relationship with my dad, despite his behaviour, I always hoped one day he'd realize that he's wrong, but now it means to bury this hope and to move on. It's especially hard to me since I'm the one who has to talk to him to protect my mom and our future, pretending I'm strong and hardy enough to take all the damage (honestly, I'm feeling like a warden-tank: taunt, protect and heal). We are all taking soothing pills to get through this situation, since when we try to handle the emotions without them our mental condition breaks down.
I've spent over a week helping my mom to pack her stuff and providing mental support. She's a strong woman, but lost a great part of her health due to the inhuman attitude of my father: she wasn't only a perfect housewife, but also a mother of four children, a loader, a driver, a builder, a seller, translator and businesswoman. It's understandable that the hands of this seemingly fragile woman constantly hurt now (salves are helping to moderate the pain, of course, but they are not solving the issue).
After we were done with my mom's move, I had to take care of moving too, in order of our own safety. There are some reasons why I can't be sure my father won't try to find us, like the fact that I've ripped my bank accounts out of his control, what's doing some damage to his business. Neither I can't be sure he didn't wanna harm us due to physical abuse in past and the spoiled blood of his side (my granduncle killed his wife, my grandfather threatened to burn down the house with us, my grandaunts are crazy, abusive, and tried to kill each other in childhood, etc.). I'm the opinion that the biggest mistake a person can make is to assume that someone isn't capable to do something. You never know what's going on in another's head. And though that's not a reason to panic, it's better to be prepared.
During the progress I caught a cold and damaged my tailbone, we were barely sleeping for days and totally exhausted, but we managed it to move to a different appartment. We lost the deposit, but will now live in a cheaper, lighter and warmer appartment (due to the high rent before we couldn't even afford to heat). This means I don't have to think of ways to earn money anymore and can finally concentrate on the bunch of commissions I owe you.
It also means I don't have to be afraid anymore that the landlord will come with strangers to our appartment without a warning, just cause he wants to.
From now on I'll return to work and will send sketches and commissions out as soon as I finish them. I'm sincerely grateful for the patience and support you provided and hope that you understand that I was just going through a tough time and it was never my intent to upset you in any way. I still have to deal with problems and health issues remain too, but fortunately this won't prevent me from work anymore, cause I finally am able to take the required medecine, eat properly and recover. Send you vibes of love,
P. s. If you are mad at me — I get it and you totally have the right to feel this way. I apologize for not being mature enough to fight my anxiety and give you regularly head-ups. Anyway, I have in mind to concentrate on work only, completely blocking my feelings, since it would make it only worse if I let this situation fret me too much. So I won't be begging for your forgiveness, but I want to make it clear: I am sincerely sorry if I've ever disappointed you.