Published: January 29, 2009
A book series written by Stephenie Meyer that has captured the heart of gazillions of teenaged girls around the world. It is centered around the romance between Isabella Swan, the awkward new girl in school, and Edward Cullen, a gorgeous vampire. The worst book ever written, and a waste of time to read. Time is rather offended that people keep wasting it on such frivolous tripe. The writing is bad, clichéd, and makes absolutely no sense.
Considered the epitome of romance despite the pedophilia, abuse, and impregnation of a minor. That just screams sexy.
"Have you read Breaking Dawn?"
"Omg it is like the sexiest thing since sex!"
"YAH! Bella, like, gets pregnant! By her 107 year old reanimated corpse BF! It's so sweet!"
"Is the baby cute?"
"Yes! Well, once it's born. She's like the prettiest thing since pretty. But before that she like is so strong she almost kills Bella! That part was saaaad."
"But so sexy."
"Hot damn yeah!"
A book that hits every single teenage cliché ever invented
The new girl in school who is awkward and clumsy and terrible at everything.
The new girl falling in love with the hottest guy in school.
Despite the new girl's awkwardness and plain looks, the hottest guy in school falls in love with her.
The new girl is hopelessly in love with the hottest guy in school to the point where you want to slap her because she will do everything and anything the hottest guy in school will tell her to do just for him.
The vampire, despite his love for the new girl, thirsts for her blood and struggles to control his bloodlust. (see Interview With A Vampire, Louis for stolen material)
The vampire is a good vampire who doesn't want to hurt humans, so he feeds off of animals instead (again, see Interview With A Vampire, Louis for stolen material)
The vampire thinks he's a monster and that the new girl should stay away from him if she values her life, but of course the new girl risks her life to be with him. (once more, see Interview With A Vampire; Louis, Claudia for stolen material)
The new girl would rather die than not be with the vampire
The story has no plot.
High school freshmen write better
There is no figurative language. The descriptions consist of the same words (smoldering, marble, granite, marble/granite Adonis, seraphic, ice cold, pale white, use to describe the only thing the author actually describes, which is Edward's appearance)
Every other sentence is talking about his (marble) arms or (seraphic) smile or (marble Adonis) face or (smoldering) eyes or (pale white) skin.
There are good reasons people write dreams in dream journals and do not publish them as novels. Dreams often do not make sense. You don't see Cousin Joe writing up 450 pages of green unicorns carrying buckets of candy corn through the fountain with aliens riding the clamshells.
There really is nothing original about this book. The author has failed to bring any new ideas to the pool of literature. (see Interview With a Vampire; anything written by Anne Rice; anything ever written about vampires for stolen material)
"OMG! Twilight is the best book in the world! I absolutely heart Edward! He's totally mine!"
"No! He's mine! I read the book first! So he's mine first!"
"We'll split him in half and share him!"