Literature
Everyday Advice From a Common Bastard
Everyday Advice From a Common Bastard
by p.b. wells
first thing,
when you find yourself
in "polite company,"
leave.
don’t explain it.
don’t apologize.
don’t stand there
holding a sad little glass
of something with fruit in it
while some well-fed bastard
discusses the market,
his boat,
his goddamn renovation.
just go.
smile, maybe.
or don’t.
there are worse crimes
than being rude.
murdering some gloating,
gluttonous,
arrogant prick is one of them.
now,
before you lower your pants
in any public restroom,
inspect the paper situation
like a man checking ammunition
before the last battle
of a stupid war.
I learned this
on May 7, 2026,
in a "superstore"
that was not super
in any way known to God
or plumbing.
there are dates
that live in history.
Pearl Harbor.
the Kennedy assassination.
the day I looked over
at that empty cardboard roll
and understood
the cold machinery
of fate.
also, on a related note,
never speak
to the man in the
