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"You want this fic?"
"I want it."
"You want this fic?"
"I want it."
"You want this fic?"
"I want it."
"You want this fic?"
"I want it!"
"You want you wnat?"
"I want that FIC!"

well, finally the ideas flowed to perspective, and the right mix of drive and direction helped...

anyway, I'm finding that character dirivien narration works so well...

what think?

The main character belongs to me

I guess Prism, Flashpoint, Drizziy, and Cloudburts belong to me    XD

Rainbow factory (the fan fic) and Dr. Atmosphere belongs to Aurora Dawn
My Little Pony Friendship is magic belongs to Hasbro Inc

© 2014 - 2021 watcher25
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Ractrin's avatar
It's been a while, but i'm under the impression C4 still hasn't come across RD. I may havta go back and reread lol. With baited breath i keep waiting in anticipation for that particular moment lol. It's mostly cause i'm curious of how C4 will feel when he sees what he prolly considers a friend.

That aside, you've defenitly gone more in depth with characters actually in the factory unlike myself. I wanted to explore the universe the factory existed in while you continue to plumb its depths. C4 and Raptor definitely woulda made a great team had they both encountered the same universe.

There were a few grammatical mistakes and a place where yah forgot to press enter to separate the two talking, but i figured it out and kept reading cause i wanted to see if C4 would ever break out the guns and open fire on this travesty.  while it would seem his frustration at trying to undermine the factory through subliminal means seems to be drawing his finger tighter on the trigger, he seems to have taken the role of Lot from the bible. Finding even one good soul in this Sodom and Gomorra might make him plead for their safety. 

Though i did notice that, like Raptor, C4 does seem to hesitate on destroying the facility out right. Lets hope it doesn't take nearly becoming pony fodder to decide direct intervention might actually be necessary. Something i would hope C4 would consider, one life that is associated with this sinful place might be worth the sacrifice to save the hundreds of millions of children that would find their fate in the maw of that damned machine. 

C4 will no relinquish any weapons as they are terribly lethal- accident prone to the ignorant
and unprepared

RD jumps him suddenly, he braces to fight back, (ingrained function at this point) he flatly rebukes his reasons why he is here : for Celestia to have answers (of which he is wanting more and more as well) her covers don't convince him in the slightest, this irritates him as her cover up fluff is effectively useless garbage-

A colony? A Failed society ? How would you know a society is a failed one?
He will find the location regardless of the terrain or his inability to fly.

He feels heat build over the insult of pegasai that can't fly well to be more like earth ponies - "like Fluttershy?"

He lies that Twilight mentioned her , and while rd rightfully calls him out on how he doesn't know her, "Correct, I don't, now how do you know those colony ponies any better?"

He fanits rest as he is now very suspicious of what theses clues mean ... And while he was rest to electrocute rd with lighting force if needed should she try to assassinate him, her visitor gives him confirmation of his doubts -
... " A factory ...? "They know about Celestia's suspicions ...?"

He is disappointed in RD's actions with falling asleep while trying to watch him, but he can't persue that Pegasus that visited for both the sale of his cover and he can't catch up or fly...

While he is in serious doubt on her reasons why she can't take him to clouds dale, he does concede to return to twilight's ... Where he discloses his suspicions and returns to pouring for useful info...
Ractrin's avatar
Lol i feel like i'm reading s synopsis of my story. A very telling difference i can see between raptor and c4 is that c4 seems to try to collect as much data as possible, whereas raptor wanted to just get there and see it. However both do share a distrust for the pegasi, in both our stories.

I'd reciprocate with telling how raptor would act in c4's story, but with out stealth (or a writer with an imagination atm) i'm not sure he could lol.
I've meant to respond sooner...

now how to not spoil..? (balks at unpleasant memories on where the show has gone)

He just barely brushed with her in the very beginning but he both didn't take as much notice as he could have as the shock the abhorrent axillary system was taking his attention and he... lost some cognition in the shock... he'll remember eventually... maybe...

though he questions his own perception like a human would similar to trying to distinguish shadows or shapes in a place that should be abandoned ...

as for setting and characters- well, I've seen several rainbow factory interpretarions, trying to achive the same "this is bad" feeling as the origibal fic did, while still being unique and something to attest how far these ponies will fall to achieve their precious purge... conveyer belts, dissection , tubes, machines, androids, industrialized slaughter...

a machine for ponies....

although if the basis is "efficiency" then a simple grinder is the best approach like in the fic... so why would all these onter interpritations exist...? well, That is what I'm doing and adding a reason why, the technical and the theory and a reason why things go from "holy smoke" to Armageddon ... something to give resaonable support to the vids and pics and music that others have created that i could not...

something to inadvertently teach him how to recognize the beast, how to stop it... and to not be caught off guard like that again...
you must understand, he doesn't have the luxury to see, watch and contemplate= he also must act but not in a way that compromises his position- he is a serious novice in many technical fields= book knowledge galore but not the fastest or most flexible to use it... sadly... and it sucks... his partner runs rings around him in speed and sophistication that WORKS like a charm... so he is far from a "worthy" user of this "jump" technology that he suddenly has to figure out...

so he must "smooth the water" else he'll not get a chance to navigate correctly, or not at all: staying stuck for who knows how long or getting even more lost...

and he has been shaken badly with the destructive potential he has seen - where as before, he had little to no inclination of such capacity, let alone psychopathy... carelessness yes but nothing so evil as this nor clearly justified as it is either....

if there is no light, nothing worth saving, there would be no story, just an account of casualty and the butchers...

so here we are- I have plenty of ideas, but writing them appropriately is harder...

I'll say for the both of us- I seriously doubt commander hurricane aspired to rainbow creation like this in the slightest... more so just an elitist and merciless killer that sees anything gentler or more kind than herself to be a flaw to be purged for the pride of the flock... some bullshit her type of ilk surely fabricated...

which actually ties into ... official back story to a degree to Aurora Dawn's squeal... or... is it just delusional ramblings of a pony that has lost all context in the factory beyond how to do his job until his own life peters out...?

thus- poisonous, infections, ruinous....  too much justification and no real integrity to speak of... some what like some other show i used to know...

lets put it this way= C4 truly strives to do for others as he wants to be done by-

protect others for their life is sacred,
foster potential so it isn't wasted,
foster life so it isn't wasted,
do not neglect or dis value life else it shall neglect and dis value you
he brings out the hatchet as sparingly as needed but he will not hesitate to fight when others lives are at risk- they are not playing chips for him or anyone to gamble with - no one has that right - no one ever period by any measure ever in any way.

but he is tactical- he must be to survive, especially to see though the murk or justification and whatever other fabricated excuses he comes across, including talk of his own destiny... which is little more than a made up sector he gives no power to so it has no power over him- he chooses, he must, not something else make the choice for him... he will not be a puppet... or willingly let someone else be one either... if he can help it...

400 years is a long time to learn this well... its one of the things he has left...
Ractrin's avatar
One thing i'd like to say. You have figured out my Into series. No, Hurricane couldn't've created such a destructive system on her/his own.

Also it would seem that i had overlooked the fact that C4 is having to act immediately. Raptor had the luxury of at least figuring out something was wrong before he got to the factory, with pegasi jumping at him and trying to stop him and all.

Then again, this is how things are. Our characters arrived to two different situations and have to deal with them as they play out. I do wonder how our characters would've acted should they have come across the opposite universes.
If c4 was in the situation he's in before he wides up here , and somehow gets pulled into the situation your Raptor did...

He'd be asking a lot of questions- suspicious at first. ... There is a friction he is now dealing with and seeing her will make him Highly inclined to not trust

But when he learns she is asking for help and gives some context he will become more intrigued

Example- if workers go in and only body bags come out, that is a serious red flag for him - in means something dangerous in some way

If she is able to convince him she wants his help Out of genuine concern (as you made it very clear to be the case- I love your princess versions by the way for their heart lead actions) and real love, he will accept, especially if she can grant him Aid in his problem- once in, he'll start asking tactical questions - details about the disappearances and any other patterns

Some things will give him
Pause- "What do you mean, ' don't kill your subjects' ? Why would I do that ?"

Once in Ponyville, he will
Be warm and kind as he passes the on lookers, throw in a simple act of kindness while he's walking- a filly drops an apple and it roles to his feet, he picks it up and holds it out to the kid smiling and gently: "Here." As he and his friend leave , his smile turns to a calculating frown as he sees one of the fillies is a Pegasus

The intro and interaction with Twi and Spike is roughly the same- though he is more detailed about what he needs from Her (walk on clouds spell) with that done, he asked for more details about magic and ways to counter it - lots of scanning is a possibility to be digested later- the sheer amount of scanning and speed of it shocks twilight - he clears about 30 books in about 20 minutes, trying to pick titles that contained useful info

Off to sweet apple acres- AJ tries to buck him, "whoa, knock it off! I'm not hostile!"

Off to the camp fire, ah, he feels more at home than he has in a while, that sweetie belle smile warms him where the fire can't

C4 does his best to not tell things that are sensitively dangerous- like the keys to machines like him (science) although he tells stories, he is vauge about who or what but very clear on the why and the moral point, and un-bashfully critical about "superiors" or blow hards with bigger egos with brains... His peripheral vision shows that RD is... Not giving him good states when she thinks he can't see her

He also makes a point that he likes their princess... More than someone else he knows... He asks a fundamental question, discussing the details, even pacing around the fire to accent his point and focus his mind, seemingly bringing up Twilight out of the blue for the sake of discussion - there is a consensus reached that his points are valid - "Thank you, now if only I could make others understand..."

C4 asks to be brought to Dash's house - partially so RD can prove him wrong about her... Awesomeness that he gracefully doesn't buy without irritating Scootaloo...

Off to Dash's cloud house , the cloud spell works fine. despite his doubts, the cloud cities and architecture are very calming.

Inside, RD jumps him, seemingly pinned, he is actually quite comfortable and not without a means to fight back though this look bothers him, he's seen it before on many foes he's killed before due to their homicidal actions- "you are not convincing me to like you very much..."

-I need to check the fix now to continue -
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