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I didn't know posting text would be so difficult and the editing tools are a problem... how do the rest of you guys do it...?

but any way, I've had this for a while and finally got around to posting it, now I will have to either repeat the exact same thing for later chapters or find a better tool for this...

hope the narration isn't too boring of a read, by this is an exposition chapter, and a tidbit of what is to come...

hope the continuation is appreciated.

The main character belongs to me
Brony Dance Party owns his pony persona (I don’t know the name) and his music video
“Blaze” (I think that’s the name) belongs to Wooden Toaster
Rainbow factory (the fan fic) and Dr. Atmosphere belongs to Aurora Dawn
My Little Pony Friendship is magic and Rainbow Dash belong to Hasbro Inc
© 2014 - 2021 watcher25
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Ractrin's avatar
I find it very interesting that you took the route of mixing in the actual music video. I personally wouldn't have done this but that is neither here nor there.

I am quite interested in reading this because I get to learn more about C4, you definitely have not left out explaining to those of us who don't know him the things we need to know in order for his side of the story to make since. His capability to go invisible seems op at this current time, but I'm sure there's unexplained limitations that I'll just havta wait to see.

Also, I knew you were a good writer, I could tell from your reviews. However you seem to tell the reader what to feel most of the time instead of using descriptive words to invoke emotion. This is not bad, just further shows our different story telling techniques. Also the plot it seems to flow smoothly as C4 is going "WTF". However I found his initial suspicion of the facility unjustified. Having traversed the multi verse I would assume he's seen all sorts of automations that his suspicions should only come from the machine's use. That is unless he's just naturally cautious witch having traversed the multi verse could cause him to be? I may just watch and see.

On a personal note, I'm neither a fan of the notion nor the believer of a multi verse. So I havta squeltch a minor hypocritical annoyance with your use of it. My hypocrisy comes from a series of stories, which I'll not bore You with. Anyway...

I dunno what bronydanceparty's OC is named, but wooden toaster's is Glaze. As for how I edit my stuff? I read over it a billion times and correct it myself. The only tool I use is autocorrect and spell check.

And that music vid you showed me >.>....."I need a weapon" - Master Chief, Halo 2

Aaaaaand, I read this with Rainbow Factory (metal version) playing in the background. Seemed fitting.
its been a while for me to get a reply out but i appreciate your input, its given me an idea how to improve my delivery (plus I'm unskilled in first person)

I hope that my integration style of the music video-like setting makes more sense later on, and  btw, I have you to thank for Atomsphrers' characterization

Ractrin's avatar
lol okay then. his characteristics are kinda my own play on his character. i came up with the story before i really understood how Aurora Dawn meant him to be as a character.

it's been a really long time since i've written in first person. i used to write everything involving Raptor in first person since he's supposed to be me. however, as the story he's in expanded, the more him being referred to in third person turned out better.
you know what... it's wired but only up until now did i notice that i was trying to tell how he was feeling to sort of describe him better with situations over exposition...but i can see not that that resulted in me glazing over contextual details... none the less you input was again helpful to improve... I've got an idea where to go... just gotta pound out the defects...
Ractrin's avatar
where i've gotten too in my writing is from 9 years of trial and error. i started writing with absolutely no help. i shared what i wrote with people and took their comments, weather good or bad, to heart. for almost 6 months or so i did nothing but sit down and write. the feeling of my fingers caressing......

ahem,...anyway...i'm simply passing down the advice that i've received from both the internet and my own studies. i hope i can be of more help in the future. after all, it'd be me kinda giving back for all that insightful feedback given to ITRF from yourself.