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Waltz-With-Me's avatar
By Waltz-With-Me   |   Watch
5 3 235 (1 Today)
Published: May 28, 2009
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© 2009 - 2019 Waltz-With-Me

We near the end.

Part One - [link]
Part Two - [link]
Part Three - [link]
Part Five - [link]
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Comments (3)
poshlost's avatar
poshlost|Hobbyist Writer
Also: I don't think your love fantasy/scene is necessary and even hurts the story. You've got a good sexual tension going, don't break it.
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poshlost's avatar
poshlost|Hobbyist Writer
I think you need to reassess the mother's relationship. I find a plot hole in why she contacts Jennifer all the time, why she has allowed Jennifer to visit her, etc. Also, there's all this stuff going on between the letters that you've left out. Which could a good thing, an aesthetic thing, but I would consider filling in some of the gaps later on.

One more note: you're absolutely brilliant at detailing madness/warping reality.
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ThornyEnglishRose's avatar
I've read this and made some notes. I don't have time to write up a critique now this minute, but I'll get it to you soon. :)

(I see you've taken my advice about the point of view headings in part 5, so no need to comment on that again. :))
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