I am Adahn

“I am Adahn. To those whose bell has not yet rung — I bring respite and the soothing of their wounds. To those who are beyond saving — I offer a swift end and guidance on their way towards the Final Death. I help those dying and suffering. My goal is to either guide the destitute wretches and helpless caitiffs to their Final Deaths, or postpone it, should they have sands in their hourglass left still.”

“I am denied the tranquility of death, and the pleasures of life. Because I can achieve neither of those, the least I can do is guide people towards either.” “I have no hope for death anymore, and yet, I have all the will to live.”

“Hope is the Poison of the Soul.” 

Those are two of his mottos. The meaning of “Hope” here adheres to the notion of his inability to die. He has stopped hoping to die.

Adahn’s body is marked with numerous scars and old wounds. Many of those wounds appear to have been fatal. His skin is pallid and bears the color of gray ash. His veins are sunken and bloodless, his chest and lungs — breathless. Pleasures of the flesh elude him, for the ataractic properties of sleep, and the satisfying warmth and satiability of food are no longer his to experience. It is unknown why and for how long Adahn endured the torment of this quasi-existence. Judging by his scar-painted body, and his restless mind it must have been at least a few lifetimes. He can not die. Adahn made peace with that idea many a year ago. Whether he truly has a soul still left is unknown, but his body is obviously resisting the embrace of the Final Death. Adahn experienced death countless times, and every time he woke up once again, he gained yet another wounding scar on his flesh. However, there is yet another affliction plaguing him. His fleeting memories escape his psyche after each and every “resurrection.” There are some main thoughts and ideas anchoring his mind and memories, but a lot of what he learns in one incarnation is lost upon his death. And yet, sometimes, he has those visions, as if echoes of his past lives and incarnations calling to him from beyond the pale. Those visions can be both beneficial, and detrimental to his predicament. At times of utmost strife and hardship, sometimes, not always, his “memories” or echoes of his past lives reach out to him, as if to guide his hands and help him in his present endeavor. Because every time he loses his memories, his learned skills are oftentimes also lost upon his passing. However, at the hour of trial, it’s as if his fingers move on their own accord as the visions and past recollections force their way into his present self. There were times, decades ago when he might have been a simple farmer or hunter, he would find a locked chest in the forest. Puzzled, he would reach out and tamper with the lock. To his surprise he knew how to open an old, rusted lock, despite never having held a lock-pick before. At least not in his present life. Those visions would also surprise him greatly, unable to fully recollect the circumstances connected with said memories. It is as if he had done all those things before, in one life or another.

Picture a grain bag, with a hole at the bottom. You may fill it with seeds, but they will always fall out and land on the ground sooner or later. There is a chance, nevertheless, that some seeds might still get stuck within the bag and not get lost, however sparse they may be.

Adahn’s body and figure are gaunt in appearance, almost to the point of looking emancipated. His sunken cheeks and piercing eyes give off the appearance as if a corpse is staring right back at you from beyond the grave. His sorrowful gaze seems to be perpetually locked in a state of heart-aching melancholy, as his eyes wander, seemingly absent-mindedly, trying to catch a glimpse of something from far beyond the horizon. He appears to be of average height, and one could estimate his age to be between 20 and 30 years old, however the exact number is almost impossible to pinpoint accurately. Adahn is almost never seen without his signature garb: a wide, white mask with black holes for eyes, which appears to be made out of animal bone or wood. Metal, perhaps? As well as a whole-body dark suit, which almost looks like a tight burial shroud enclosing his body, accentuating his spindly frame. Given the fact he has no need to eat, sleep or breathe, Adahn has little reason to take off his clothes and mask. Some people feel unnerved when faced with an individual such as himself, so it’s easier to don the mask, than spend time trying to fasten excuses and calm bewildered onlookers who have witnessed a dead-man walking. He feels it’s better to hide his body from the curious gaze of people around him, not from shame, but to protect them from their own morbid curiosities. 

He embodies the paradox of human existence. Both very tragic, pessimistic, and futile in the face of the inability to die, and yet hopeful and full of strife at the prospect of living against all odds, at the same time. After centuries of countless lives and incarnations, he has given up all hope for actually dying. However, he came to realize that something must be keeping him “alive” in such a state. What exactly is the cause of his “unlife” and his constant awakening from the state of death is still unknown to him.

Adahn has easily become my most personal character. I created him during an incredibly dark and troubling period of my life. His “catchphrase” of “Hope is the poison of the mind” is something I kept in my mind when my pet cat was battling cancer. A battle she inevitably lost, and despite her undergoing two surgeries and a series of chemotherapies I had little hope for her recovery, as the lymphoma is a very aggressive type of cancer. 

On the other hand, Adahn has been a very personal “loveletter” to the Planescape Universe, heavily inspired by the Planescape: Torment game. The game was one of the best experiences in my life and it left a profound mark on me in terms of philosophical musings, literary inspirations and as a simply great game I played in my teenage years. As a small sidenote, I decided to ask Chris Avellone, (Yes, THE Chris Avellone who was the lead designer on Planescape: Torment) about whether I could use the name “Adahn” as it was directly inspired by the character from the game, and he gave me his blessing, saying he doesn’t have a problem with it! Mechanically speaking, Adahn is from the Reborn race, which were introduced in the Van Richten's Guide to Ravenloft and I felt like the race fits incredibly well with his tone and style of Adahn as a character. You can read more about said race over here if you’d like: https://dnd5e.wikidot.com/lineage:reborn

They are a very versatile race which offer a lot of possibilities for role playing in a DnD campaign, so give them a try!