Do you ever find yourself, a victim of the routine that you both crave and thrive upon? That's me. Fuck. I need to be excited. I need to be surprised. I need.. I need something new, something different. A source of joy, a sense of adventure. Something. Something that makes me feel... Alive. Not a repetitive
automaton. Not just a creature of habit. Not comfortably miserable. Inspiration. Creativity. Wonderment. Hours of conversations. Exploration. More than a thrill, but something deeper, more fulfilling, more lasting. Do you know what I mean?
I've reached a plateau. No real desire to do much of anything. I just... Waste my free time doing not much of anything. Sleep, wake up early, commute to work, and stay there for 1/2 the day.. Run some errands, and come home. Repeat. Five days a week. Followed by a weekend of basically being a couch zombie. I have, no joy. Just disappointment, resentment, and a perpetual tiredness and fatigue that invades my every thought. Forces me deeper into a gray world. I haven't posted any fresh art in ages - though I've come across things I wanted to do, or had a random idea - I have lacked the motivation and energy or time from my routine - to actually accomplish DOING anything.
I'm ready for the next thing. Whatever that may be.