Will go through the rest of the messages tomorrow if I have the chance... I'm still going through them all, there was 2 pages worth of art / writing to go through + clusters. I'm taking it easy for now, so sorry if I don't get to you on time. I tried drawing today, and I couldn't finish it, so there's that. All I have the energy for, is head shots as of right now.
I'm going to stop updating about my real life condition for now... and focus on more positive things. Just know that I'm taking my recovery slowly, so I don't relapse. I will let you know when I'm better, and if you want to hear some updates - send me a PM. I don't feel right to keep talking about it publicly, because after a while, talking about it makes me uncomfortable. It feels like I'm staging things, even when I'm not - and that's not right. I know some people do that to yank hearts, and I don't want to make people think that I'm lying about my situation to do so, because that's nothing of who I am, and what I do. I don't want to yank hearts... I just want to be honest with you all, about my situation.
Unfortunately, my desire to keep you all updated, came with overwhelming guilt after a while, because I began to think about the people who actually write journals like this, to bring attention to themselves and make people feel sorry for them. I'm sorry if that's what it seemed I was doing, because I didn't really honestly think about that in my time, I was just trying to reach out because I was sick of all of the internal pain I was feeling at that point in time. Now that I'm getting better, I realized that quickly... and I'm beginning to feel bad about it, so I'm hoping I can make it up to you all in some way. I won't do anymore real life updates for a while. Instead - maybe I will find some ways to bring my negative experiences in a more positive way, for those who need it - through writing interesting essays or articles with researched facts about people like me, alongside my own experiences. I already have one in the works on "Writing LGBT Content" that was inspired from a critique a friend gave me. I want to find a way to channel this in a positive light, for everyone - so you don't just hear me complaining about how terrible my life is all of the time. I don't want to fall into the pattern of my old self, because it was ugly. Instead, I want to find a way to connect with people who can relate to me, but in a different way. So if you like that idea, please let me know about it.
I'm on a Hiatus art-wise, but I'll still be popping in and talking to everyone and commenting on their works. I still will have things to post from when I was more well, at least until I run empty. I want to make sure I get through everyone's works first though.
I might do some poems if I find myself in the mood. I start school again on September 19th, so around 2-3 weeks.