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Myself, Apologies, and a Tag

Mon May 29, 2017, 7:20 PM
I'm not off hiatus, but I'm at that period in my life, where I feel like I'm constantly chasing after something that will never happen because of myself, and my mental health. I'm trying to avoid labeling myself too much, but I know I've been a little bit careless lately with my socialness on here, and I just sincerely want to apologize. I honestly - don't always know how to be social. I'm a bit socially awkward. I will say and do things, that might be odd sometimes. I can hide it the best I can, but it doesn't always work out. Please keep that in mind. I'm not perfect, I will slip up - but I'm human, and I really appreciate each of you, and the time that I'm here. Please know I mean well, I'm just at a hard time of my life, where I'm constantly questioning myself, and wondering how I could be something more than what I am right now.

I did answer a few responses to start - but the last 2 weeks of school are bound to be mayhem. My additional feeling of having no purpose, do add to my fear of failure
><

I'm a bit depressed, so I will do the meme that AsMyWorldDivides requested, because I know that I need a little bit of happiness, and it's been 2 months since I've really been active. Yes, I am procrastinating - don't get me wrong. But sometimes, I just really need a break. I've felt like I've been running on empty water, so per say.

I really hope no one takes my wacky behavior as offense. I will give feedback once I am out for the summer, that I promise. That's basically the 15th of June. Please remind me if I don't come back after that. 

Please be good to yourself in the meantime. I love all of you deeply :heart:

- Vivienne Waltzer

AsMyWorldDivides 's questions:

1. What is the most recent movie you've seen?

Oh gosh, I don't even remember XD Probably something in class. I don't watch movies too often... LOL

 2. What is the most interesting quiz result you've gotten and why?

Maybe not a quiz result, but I recently got my hands read (as in palmistry) by someone on dA. Apparently, I'm going to have a SUPER wild future :lol: Basically, I don't have a soulmate, I'll travel a lot for free, I'll have average income, I have a chance of being super successful, I will have an unstable home, but I will also have an unstable life :giggle: Oh yes, and I may be a leader, according to my left hand XD

 3. If you could be one animal for a day, what kind would it be?

Probably a house cat. I love kitties :love: They have the easiest lives XD

 4. If you could change one thing about your art, what would it be?

My ability to render. It's my ultimate weakness :lmao:

  5. What is your favorite season of the year?

Honestly? Probably Fall. I like the changing leaves, and the weather is nice and cold, but not too cold. ;P

  6. What do you do when you're under stress and need to relax?  

Um... usually, if I can prevent an ultimate blow out - I'll make myself some Yogi Stress relief tea and take a nice big sage bath. I've been using sage to purify my spirit of all of it's toxins, so I can wake up as a refreshed person - in the process, it's also become a way for me to connect to my inner self. 

In times I'm lost, sage baths are my way of finding connection to myself, and coming closer to recollection. It's a good way to feel more confident about the person I want to be. 

7. Do you like horror movies/tv shows? O.O

Maybe not so much anymore. I'm a bit too squirmish. I don't watch TV in general - I'm much more of a book reader, or a researcher. I used to watch horror anime, though! XD

 8. What takes up the most of your time?

Drawing, writing, poetry - everything that retains to that, reading, school. I'm a very nerdy person XD

 9. What are you most proud of today?

I wrote a pretty cool prose for Creative Writing class <3 I'm going to try to find creative ways to make the reader see Estelle as gay, but also have a veil of mystery about it. It's the end of the quarter, so I want my class to go out with a bang, so per say ;D

 10. What is the hardest thing you've learned? Can be anything, big or small. ^.^

That I don't have anyone in my life who can satisfy me the way I desire, because I might be aromantic / asexual - as a result of various experimenting with a woman. I already know since I was young -  I'll never want to be in a relationship with a guy - and it was alright to be with somebody who was female, don't get me wrong. but I sincerely got quickly tired of the kissing, touching, and acts of love -  and sex is mildly terrifying at best. I find I hold far deeper connections with my friends... and I just wasn't honest about it, because I was so fixated on the idea of "omg what if I'm Aromantic? What if I can't be with ANYONE" But no... I'm most likely so, but I just happen to have a preference for woman. Sometimes I'll jump out, and be more like a sexual, or more like a lesbian - but it seems I've come to terms with the idea, that I'm probably just not as interested as I thought I would be, because my ideals are unrealistic - and I'm not into the idea of romantic partners at all. But I'm still open into moving in with friends, or maybe in the future having a queerplatonic relationship with somebody, who I'll take of, and they'll take care of me, and we'll live together in a sort of union. I still have no idea who I'm going to live with, but I plan to live with my best friend to start out with (who's okay with that, he's a lot like me), until I move away to go to my 4 year college. 

11. Do you like art with people or nature/landscapes more?

Usually arts with people, but landscapes are nice too!

 12.What was the hardest piece from your gallery for you to do to this date?

Romantic Encounter by Vivyi This one probably. But it's also one of my best :D

 13. Would you ever skydive? O.O  

Not at all XD I'm too scared to even go out at night! :giggle:

If anyone has any additional questions they want to make up for me - please post them! I honestly love answering these things. 

Add a Comment:
 
:iconasmyworlddivides:
AsMyWorldDivides Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2017
*Anciently late as always, AMWD walks in*
Ahhh you did it! Thank youuu. You give such thoughtful and detailed answers, too! I can relate and agree to most everything you wrote. I love kitties, don't really watch tv/movies, won't sky dive XD and autumn is the awesome season.  Haha, cool. *v* 
And you're answer to #10 was sooo good! 
I'm so glad you did this, and I hope it cheered you up this day! Hugsss ;w; 
Reply
:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
You're very weeelcoooome <33 :tighthug: I always do XD I don't hide anything haha

Awwww yesss that is so cool hahahaha XD Seems like  we do have a lot in common! Hehe I'm glad you like my answer to #10 XD That was probably one of the hardest realizations of my life - the second is the realization of my mental health!

:huggle: It really did, and I am grateful! I'm happy when I get to talk to good people like you <3  Hugggs :glomp:
Reply
:iconasmyworlddivides:
AsMyWorldDivides Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2017
;U; You rock! I'm happy to talk to good people like you! You make a big difference for better in my life. Seriously! (Lol, I don't hide anything either really. Why should I? Haha ;w;)
Reply
:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner Jun 8, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
:tighthug: Awwwwww thank you so much! I'm really flattered, honestly! >w< 

I find it very hard to hide myself. That's why I'm thankful for a site like dA, where I can communicate to a lot of people who are just like me ;u;
Reply
:iconasmyworlddivides:
AsMyWorldDivides Featured By Owner Jun 8, 2017
Ditto! ;u; (HUG) ❤
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:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner Jun 8, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
:nod: Huuuuug :tighthug:
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:iconobelis:
Obelis Featured By Owner May 30, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
It seems you're constantly chasing after something. :nod:

Such a life is bound to give you many discoveries!
Reply
:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner May 31, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
I always do XD I constantly chase after everything... it makes me  feel like I'm running in circles right now. 

But it makes sense that it could lead to  discovery... considering that I've always discovered so much about myself, and know more about myself than anyone I know. XD I chase after my destiny more than anything. A destiny that I must shape myself :giggle:
Reply
:iconr-doll:
R-Doll Featured By Owner May 30, 2017  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
whatever happens, this place is always available
by that extent, I'm welcome to the idea of you chatting to me or commenting on my art/ideas/whatever pops up

commit to your responsibilities but make time for yourself too :)
Reply
:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner May 31, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Indeed, that's true! :D I'm just having a bit of the blues mainly because of not being here, I think. This sometimes is a very therapeutic place for me XD But I do have other reasons for feeling blue that I probably won't go into, or lest I grieve somebody unwillingly. The important thing is, that recovery is not far away, and the ability to pull through and do my best will always happen :heart:

I'll definitely try to make time for myself, I think. I need more of that. Let's have a chat sometime after my hiatus! I really even shouldn't be on here right now, but I just really miss this place XD
Reply
:iconpantherpl:
PantherPL Featured By Owner May 30, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
:iconhartplz: 
Hey! How are things going for you, dear? 
Reply
:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner May 31, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Pretty blah if I do say so myself XD I've been feeling increasingly depressed because of my lack of art times - I really do want to create more, but I'm so deep in the hole with school work, and I'm almost  done but I'm just having the blues. Pretty much sucks XD (And art is a form of therapy for me as well - I'm noticeably way happier when I do it as a result. )
Reply
:iconpantherpl:
PantherPL Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Aaaaaw :c I'm also kinda deep in a hole with school work, so I understand you perfectly. And also, for me it ends basically on 15th June! I was thinking maybe about some talking on Skype if you had time and wanted to, like the good old times?... I swear my English is much better now
Reply
:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Holes aren't fun to fall in, if you get my view XD But I'm trying to  climb out of mine, ever so slowly ><

Aaaaahhh yessssss it ends on the 15th for me too! That's when I have my final exam for one of my classes :D I'd LOVE to talk after that sometime and catch up! It's been so long, omg >w<

That would be great! What time works best for you? <3 I'm unsure of my schedule yet, but  we can make something work! :D
Reply
:iconpantherpl:
PantherPL Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Ooooh, I didn't know you would be so enthusiastic >w< 
What time works best for me? It's a tricky one, generally late evening/night when my parents have gone asleep... And that also depends on what timezone you're in, I mean what time it will be for you :heart:
Reply
:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
I always am enthusiastic about Skyping people XD It's always a pleasure for me, because I barely ever get to Skype due to my busy worklife! Haha I usually have to plan it out ><

Hmmm I'm in Pacific Timing, but I'm usually pretty flexible during the summer- however I'm going to get a job that will last me throughout the summer, so evenings would technically be best for me too x'D But on a day I have off, I'd be willing to stay up till 3:00 am since you know - it's summer x'D
Reply
:iconpantherpl:
PantherPL Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Ooooh, so you're somewhere near the West Coast, right? If I'm not mistaken, your time is 9 hours earlier than mine... So if I were to stay up well into the night, it'd be late afternoon for you... And if you were to stay up till 3 am, it would be (late) morning for me... So what do you think? At least it's summer, so we've much more freedom >w<
Reply
:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Yep! On the very far west I believe? By the pacific ocean XD

What time would it be for you, if it were 12:00 PM for me? I think if we were to meet somewhere in the early afternoon to semi-early morning for me - it should be a reasonable time for the both of us. What do you think? What time works best for you? I can try to work and shape with that. 
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconkalinereine:
KalineReine Featured By Owner May 29, 2017  Professional Writer
:heart: 
Reply
:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner May 29, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
:tighthug:
Reply
:iconarasteia:
Arasteia Featured By Owner May 29, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Travel a lot for free tho :o That's all you need tbh XD 
I really hope you're feeling better soon, and take all the time you need coming back <333 Your health comes first! 
Reply
:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner May 29, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Yessssssss XD lol it's sorta true now! :D I do travel everywhere for free! XD Haha

Thank you so much <33 I think part of the reason I'm sorta upset though, is because I'm not getting to socialize here enough XD I miss talking to you guys!~ But I've been having a lot of problems with self reflection too. I guess I'm not happy with myself right now, because I feel like I could be doing so much more than I am right now - as everyone around me, seems to be doing way better than me. It's not a very comforting feeling, so per say.  But I'm trying to conquer it. It's weird, because I've never felt it before. XD
Reply
:iconarasteia:
Arasteia Featured By Owner May 30, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Haha well that's awesome! :D
You're so welcome <33 And yes that's possible I guess! Ah you shouldn't judge yourself based off other people. They aren't you, they're not going through what you're going through, we're all different :) It's not fair to you to judge yourself based off other people. That's like blaming a vanilla cake for not tasting like chocolate XD You can't compare them, and you can't compared people either cause nobody's going to do the same thing :)
Reply
:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
You know, that's very true >< I do it a lot, because I expect myself to learn from others - but that's pretty separate as well. Sometimes I just expect myself to be like everyone else - and I'm always going to be a bit of an awkward person, and fumble around making lots of mistakes. Not fun, but it's my life, you know? D: 
Reply
:iconarasteia:
Arasteia Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Yeah, it's a hard habit to get out of (I'm exactly the same haha XD)
Reply
:iconciro16:
Ciro16 Featured By Owner May 29, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Oo ooh, you poor dear! I've been where you're at right now, and lemme tell ya, it'll get better! Its gonna be a sonuvabitch, but with help and therapy you'll get there! Dont worry, I'll be here to support ya and so will your friends and fans!
Reply
:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner May 29, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Awwww thank you for the support Ciro!! :glomp: Every so and so, I find myself in a fog - but it'll pass soon! I've been feeling a bit defeated because I feel like there's a lot more I can be doing with my life than I am right now, but I know with a little bit of patience I'll get there. I need courage I think! <3 I'm so lucky to have you and everyone else! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconciro16:
Ciro16 Featured By Owner May 30, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Well, if you find yourself in a fog, don't hesitate to call.
I've got lots o' ways to contact me from Skype to Discord, if ya need links hook me up!
Reply
:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner May 31, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks! I'll keep that in mind :D Thanks so much for the support again :heart:
Reply
:iconciro16:
Ciro16 Featured By Owner May 31, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
No worries dear!
Reply
:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner May 31, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
:hug:
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