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Netheron Chapter 8 by Vivyi Netheron Chapter 8 by Vivyi

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Netheron is a graphic novel, meaning that you will see artwork alongside the story. Expect both art and writing combined in this tale.

If I remember correctly, this is the chapter with the very dorky jail picture. :XD: Poor Estelle, right? Haha~

Not a whole lot to say, but certainly enjoy it~ There is 2 more chapters after this, including the epilogue. :D


        Chapter 7         <---->         Chapter 9

  Netheron Chapter 7 by Vivyi     Netheron Chapter 9 by Vivyi

  Art and Writing © Vivienne Waltzer. Do not edit or reproduce without my explicit permission. I encourage however, for you to spread the word. 
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Just saying, I love that picture at the beginning! Estelle's face! :)
“Now would be a great time to start” – Love this
“even the other prisoners” – So there are other people in the jail with them? Maybe take a moment to describe them, just for atmosphere’s sake
“I can’t reset the rain machine without…” – So this is the reason she left. However you say later that she took what she needed in her bag with her… so why did she need to leave if she had it all along?
“it seemed important to her” – What did she do to indicate this?
“quenching her muscles” – I’m not sure ‘quenching’ is the right word to use here, as it generally means extinguishing or satisfying. Maybe you mean ‘clenching’?
“You must have… right?” – This made me laugh so hard
“as if he knew something they didn’t” – well, he does. He knows how to pick locks
“adrenaline popped” – you say this twice in quick succession, so maybe think of another way to describe it?
“grabbed a giant rock from the wall” – how? I guess the wall is made of rocks, but could she really just pull one out?
“he collapsed to the ground” – you just said he fell, so I’m not sure this is necessary
“in a great hast to hand it” – do you mean a great ‘haste’?
“raced up to the chambers” – how do they know where everything is?
“The princess gave a glare to him” – isn’t she under the impression that he’s working for her? Surely she’d have a more severe reaction to his betrayal than a glare
“Otto… pulled out his gun… couldn’t move” – where did he get a gun from? Also, if he can’t move, how did he pull out his gun?
“using me to gain the crown” – I don’t doubt that Otto is right, but the suddenness of this claim feels as bit as if he is jumping to conclusions. Maybe have some more clues, or more dialogue in the lead up which gives away his intentions
“there, matter of factly, stood Drusilla” – if Mr Monette was sitting, how did they not see Drusilla coming up behind him?
“when they weren’t looking” – surely they would always be looking, if the prisoners are escaping?
“Drusilla fished for what appeared to be a button” – where is this?
“the buildings are practically invincible” – and yet some of them are on fire after being struck by lightning?
“what about the broken windpipe” – not sure I remember what the broken windpipe is
“Mae swore not to talk about it in public” – compared to Otto’s oath, this seems to have a lot of loopholes
“one day, both of us will be gone” – but isn’t Estelle the same age as Otto and Mae, thus making telling them a little pointless?
“it’s been in my family for centuries, secretly there” – how could she have goofed up the coordinates if it’s been like that for centuries? That would make her centuries old. Also, what impact does the goofed coordinates have on Netheron? Is that why it only rains on Estelle’s land?
“But I was wrong” – how was she wrong?
“calmly pouring” – another conflict between words – to me, ‘pouring’ doesn’t suggest calm
What do you think?
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Obelis Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Otto's face in the opening picture is the best. :lol: He looks like a kid whom nobody would buy an expensive toy or something. Yeah, I must admit that I find it hard to like him.

Never underestimate the power of a frying pan. Never.

That slamming into the ground seemed pretty painful, but nobody got hurt. I guess the room wasn't that deep underground?

Looks like the rain is now set well, but it is really true that man should never play with nature. :nod: We are less complex than nature, and it's not to our power to foresee everything that would happen if we changed even only one tiny thing.

For example, if we had such rain machine on Earth and set it on, let's say, deserts, many desert animal species would go extinct. And even only one species dying out usually has a big impact on the global ecosystem.
That would be a tragedy.
Vivyi Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
lol Thank you xDDD Hahahahaa what makes him so hard to like? ROFL I'm just curious xD

Never ever EVER underestimate the power of a frying pan. Ever. <- I admit I read that scene again and I laughed too XDD I need to put something like that in Netheron "2.0" as well hahahaha xD

Probably not hahahaha xD I wouldn't think so.

Indeed :nod: Man should never play with nature. It's just a bad idea XD

It would, oh gosh >< That would be bad... good thing this is fictional! But weather modification is an actual thing o_O LOOK:…
Obelis Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
I guess it's because Otto... he feels more like side character. :lol: Maybe because we don't see what is happening in his heart, he seems like an extra pawn who got attention without deserving it.

I has no idea things like cloud seeding exist! :ohnoes: Sounds creepy.
Vivyi Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Aaaaa I see xD LOL Well I can agree with that :XD: He just seems too stubborn to want to play a major role in the book, after all :P

It does XDDD When I saw that wiki article I was like: O_O OH SHIT IT'S REAL MY BOOK IS GOING TO BE A REALITY :XD: You should see what I have in mind for Book 3 I MEAN COUGH COUGH COUGH
Obelis Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
I wonder if he would kill to become the most important character. :fear:

Oooooh... Llama Emoji-79 (Fabulous) [V4] 
Vivyi Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
lol you never know with Otto~ He's rather unpredictable :XD: I'm sure one of the other main characters would kill him first. Preferably, Marcilyn ;P

KalineReine Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2015  Professional Writer
Hahaha, the frying pan! That was great! :rofl: I love Drusilla, haha... I actually thought she was going to save them from their imprisonment, but I'm glad they did it themselves. I feel like that shows they can cooperate and work together. Very nice. That was a huge relief! It's great to see teamwork kicking in. I sort of wish Mae and Otto had gotten to do more to help, but it was still a really enjoyable chapter. :heart: 
Vivyi Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Hehe~ the frying pan is my favorite part of the whole book :rofl: You can't have Otto shoot Mr. Monette, so have Drusilla come out with a frying pan to spice things up a bit :XD:

I wish Otto and Mae could have done more to help as well... hopefully they can play a bigger role in the remake. c:
KalineReine Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2015  Professional Writer
It's literally perfect! And much better than using just a gun or something generic like that. I also like that Otto isn't the main hero of the story, like most people do. It's very unique and it works well. :D
Vivyi Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
I don't like going generic with my storytelling. I like making crazy stories that have equally crazy characters. :XD: I prefer strong female roles in my works. Drusilla is a crazy good plot mechanic LOL c;
KalineReine Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2015  Professional Writer
I can see that, and that's a very good thing. :nod: I prefer those myself. <3
cherrilu Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2014
i just sat down and was able to read through all of the chapters and i am thoroughly amazed!!
you have amazing writing skills Viv ; v ;
the plot so far is super interesting

i must agree with the person below me aha
Drusilla and her frying pan make a lovely team x'D

anyway can't wait for more!!
Vivyi Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you so much for your words! I truly appreciate it! :heart:

Thank you! ;u; I try super hard! Your words mean a lot to me. :)
lydia-san Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
*sob* chapter 8 end here Sobbing - NaNoEmo14 Day 22 
Anyway I LOVE DRUSILLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA omg she's with frying pan that is so cooolllll yeaaaaaaaaaaaa bang bang bang lol :nana:
And I know the encryption for the rain machine too I'll make tomorrow rain mfwwahahahahahaa :woohoo:
Can't wait for the next chapter!! La la la la 
Btw, a feedback May Wink Icon 
"It was one of those jeweled copper devices, with what perspective of importance even Mae couldn't perceive, but it seemed important to her, so she'd stolen it from her travel bag when she wasn't looking."
Hmm actually I was confused, there are too many "she", who is the "she"-s?? lol Giggle 
Vivyi Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for the feedback! :D

Haha, I love that part too~ :XD: Tried to incorporate some humor into my story.

Good catch. I think she's talking about Estelle, because the copper device is important to her, and Mae decided to steal it from her travel bag when she wasn't looking. :D
lydia-san Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hahahahah I don't really think it's humor though, although it's still funny. I really imagine some mad woman freaking out and get anything she can to protect herself,, and it's a frying pan. Too bad there is no stove to heat it, loolll it can become fiery frying pan, the mightiest weapon on earth lolololol Apple Fazjack 
Vivyi Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Well I mean it's sort of ironic, that kind of humor. :XD: Drusilla must fend for herself somehow...

Oh lol. :XD:
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