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Netheron Chapter 2 by Vivyi Netheron Chapter 2 by Vivyi

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:iconnetheron-chronicles:

Netheron is a graphic novel, meaning that you will see artwork alongside the story. Expect both art and writing combined in this tale.


Here is chapter 2 of my story~ I'm a little speechless as of right now, but according to my poll, people are reading my story for the most part, so I'll continue to post chapters~ I have two coming your way today, and I'll post two more next week. It takes a lot of effort just to get these out there... I have them in PDFs for a reason! :faint:

Well, anyways~ I hope you enjoy. :D

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Netheron Chapter 1 by Vivyi    Netheron Chapter 3 by Vivyi
                                        




               


  Art and Writing © Vivienne Waltzer. Do not edit or reproduce without my explicit permission. I encourage however, for you to spread the word. 
                                    

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:iconarasteia:
Here's critique number 3:
“a weird expression” – can you describe this? Don’t leave it up to my imagination. Readers are lazy. We want the work done for us
“Drusilla was far likeable” – she hasn’t sounded very likeable so far. Is kindness a front she puts up for the townspeople?
“Amongst her” – she is only in one place, so it confuses me that people can be ‘amongst’ her. Maybe ‘beside’ her?
“the leader of the rebellion” – do they announce that he’s the leader of the rebellion? Because if she’s never seen him, how can she associate him with the title by herself?
“Mr. Monette had been training her” – how long has she been there? This would suggest she’d been there quite a while, but I thought they were meant to leave at sundown the next day
“Mae didn’t even want to consider the possibilities of her actions” – what did she do? Oh, you mean Drusilla being there could be construed as an act of rebellion? I’d try to say this in clearer words, I think
“what Estelle would be” – she’d be human, wouldn’t she?
“your superior and loyal provider for the Festival of Tears” – ah, this explains why he felt he could call her step-mother. I think this should be said sooner
“Drusilla looked concerned” – can you describe this?
“Mmhm,” the two of them replied” – can you give me more of a reaction than this? Expressions, shaking frames, pleading glances around the room for help? This seems to be a pivotal point in the plot and I think it needs more from the characters to help drive home the seriousness of what they’re doing
Nice cliffhanger!
What do you think?
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:iconobelis:
Obelis Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
The last sentence is a perfect cliffhanger! :thumbsup:

Somehow, I have a feeling that Estelle may know they're planning something against her, and be prepared for it to the point revolution fails again.

I wonder why Mae refuses to use the crossbow. :o Did memories of teasing at school sink in so deep she never wants to see it again...even though she's so good at it?

I also imagine that when they start the actual challenge, everything will be different than Mae is imagining right now. For the sake of playing with readers' mind a bit. Lick 
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:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Yay thank you!! :la:

Well you never know~ Estelle might always have something up her sleeve... she is an intelligent princess after all! :D

I didn't even realize it, but I guess that would be correct xD Maybe my mind was subconsciously  thinking that as I wrote that xD

Indeed~ it will most likely be vastly different than she thinks, but at what cost? :nod: That is what one should think of~
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:iconobelis:
Obelis Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
She needs wide sleeves for big deals, then!
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:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Indeed~ never miss with a princess and her sleeves!!! :evillaugh:
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:iconkalinereine:
KalineReine Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2015  Professional Writer
Honestly, I can really relate to Mae a lot. The things she's been through and the way she thinks, trying to simplify everything... Yep, me to a T. Lol! I also like that she uses a crossbow, they're one of my favorite weapons. This is very enjoyable so far... I especially love the art that accompanies this, btw. It's like I'm actually sitting down with them at the table. Amazing! And what a cliffhanger! I have a feeling Drusilla reeeeeally isn't going to like this... 
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:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Mae is a very relatable character, I think. :D Very fun to work with in a story, after all c: Hehe Drusilla isn't going to like this at ALL! :XD: But I won't say anything more than that~

I just noticed that Mae using a crossbow is a hunger games reference. :XD: Uh, LOL Not intentional XDDDD'

Thank you as always c:
Reply
:iconkalinereine:
KalineReine Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2015  Professional Writer
You're so welcome. I didn't even catch that, since I've never seen Hunger Games... (Don't get me wrong, I've wanted to but just never had the chance.) But yes, she's so much fun to read about. Great main character. Your writing is remarkable, as always. 

Sorry for all the comment spam! :XD: I can't wait to read the rest of this, but unfortunately real life is demanding my attention at the moment. I will be back to read the rest of this though, probably tonight if I can because I really want to know what happens. :eager: Like, you have no idea... This is just what I needed, at the moment- to find an awesome story that I can immerse myself in. c; 
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:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Daaaaw c: I appreciate that so much <33 c: Thank you.


LOL It's okay :heart: I don't mind it at ALL! <333 I've been bored silly all day :XD: Ahh it's okay <33 I'm really glad you're enjoying it so far, that makes me happy c:
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:iconkalinereine:
KalineReine Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2015  Professional Writer
No problem at all. I am thoroughly and completely dazzled! :love: Haha, I'm loving this. You have such incredible storytelling ability... <3
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