literature

Flight

Deviation Actions

VioletRogue's avatar
By VioletRogue
35 Favourites
48 Comments
843 Views

Literature Text

    Crossing my fingers,
    Wrinkling my nose.
    Knocking on wood,
    Curling my toes. 


    Please, oh please, let this work.


    
Spreading my arms out,
    Closing my eyes.
    Inhaling slowly,
    Repressing the lies.


    Am I ready to fly?
I hope you like it. :)
Published:
© 2015 - 2021 VioletRogue
Comments48
anonymous's avatar
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Stryker2012's avatar
Not generally a fan of rhyming, but here it is nice and unforced.  This piece is nice, hopeful yet also vulnerable.  Can be taken as a metaphor for so many things.  Risking, wanting to break out of our shell, personal growth, or even transcending a past pain.  Nice work.
VioletRogue's avatar
I hoped that was what someone would get from this piece. :heart: Thank you so much.
Stryker2012's avatar
Thank you for sharing your work.  If you get a chance to look at any of my poems I'd appreciate your thoughts on them as well.
VioletRogue's avatar
I'll definitely check them out. :)
Stryker2012's avatar
Thank you.  I often learn much about myself and my work through the eyes of others.  They see things I didn't realize, and make me think about my work on a deeper level.  Other writers especially know how hard it can be to get a work done and true to what you wanted.  Any feedback is always appreciated.  I write for others at least as much as for myself.
VioletRogue's avatar
That's great. I've left a few comments. :heart:
refield's avatar
I've come back to read this again, and again.
VioletRogue's avatar
refield's avatar
Really.  Indeed, I've only been so long in saying anything for the lack of anything worthwhile to say in my mind.
VioletRogue's avatar
I'm quite flattered. :huggle:
refield's avatar
Flattered by my lack of contributing?  I'm confused...
VioletRogue's avatar
Lol, I meant flattered that you keep reading it.
refield's avatar
Oh, now I'm much less confused.
thorns's avatar
I enjoyed reading this piece. It felt fast and conveyed that alive feeling like that moment of preparation right before you do something crazy. It isn't crazy yet, but you know it's about to be.

I'm a believer in improving so I try to leave some light crit even if I'm passing through. Hope you don't mind!

Crit #1:  The only thing that didn't really fit is the "repressing the lies" portion. Maybe that's a personal thing, or has some alternate meaning, but I don't think it is clear to the average reader. 

Crit #2:  I don't really understand your capitalization and punctuation choices. If you have some solid reasoning behind them and it was a conscious decision, then feel free to ignore this. It "looks" like every line is capitalized because it's a new line and therefor needs a capital (etc). So I encourage you to really analyze these aspects and how to utilize them to emphasize, or at least not distract from, what you're presenting to the audience.
VioletRogue's avatar
Thanks. :)

"Repressing the lies," fits in because the lies that he/she held on to was one of the things that kept her from flying.

The capitalization and punctuation is just my style. It looks wrong to me if every new line is not capitalized.

Thank you for your input!
Guinevere-X's avatar
You are quite welcome :heart:
vvlpes's avatar
I actually just wrote a poem about flight! =D
This is way better than mine, though!
VioletRogue's avatar
Nonsense! Yours is fabulous! *goes to check if she favorited it*
vvlpes's avatar
:blushes: Aww, thanks, Coolio-Hoolio! ;)
VioletRogue's avatar
Awesomesauce. <3
Nerohal's avatar
This is utterly wonderful... I think this is my favourite poem on here so far! :)
anonymous's avatar
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