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witness: or, another burden to bear

on panic attacks and parties

o

on panic attacks and parties

There are so many people and so little space in the Den.  The lights are flashing and everybody is moving but nobody really watching as the strobe light pulls frames from a slow-motion slideshow and the noise, it bleeds thick, like slicks of oil that slow your mind and weigh down your limbs.  You’re drowning, drowning in a sea of bodies that move with the coordination of a single-minded monster, drowning in the waves of closeness, waves of sickness, waves of nausea that wash over you with every gasping breath.  Fight it back, ride it out, find your way to the surface and open your eyes, you are not an animal of prey—just stay in y

del otro mundo

d

del otro mundo

Home is where the heart is, tu madre siempre te decía, porque en tu casa, eres querida. When in Rome, tu padre siempre te aconsejaba, porque en tu casa, la familia tiene estándares para mantener. Pero a veces, home al caso ser Rome, para todo el consuelo te ofrece, y a veces, misplace y displace se parecen como escalas de gris en un mundo de blanco y negro. Si el hogar es donde vive el corazón, dime donde tú en cajas– tu madre, que te enseñó abrir la mente y el corazón, nunca te alertó contra de los riesgos de dar de tú misma demasiado libremente. Sabes donde está tu corazón tan

writing home

w

writing home

"Home is where the heart is," your mother always told you, because in your house, you are loved. "When in Rome," your father always advised you, because in your house, your family has standards to uphold. But some days, "home" might as well be "Rome" for all the comfort your house holds, and sometimes, "misplace" and "displace" feel like shades of grey in a black-and-white textbook. If home is where your heart is, then tell me where you belong-- Your mother, who taught you to open your mind and your heart, never warned you about the danger of giving of yourself too freely. You know where your heart is as surely as you know that you can't

things of which i have learned to let go

t

things of which i have learned to let go

my past with you and the future i'll never have with you, and the recoil of a shotgun. the trigger. cordite, copper, basil, beer, words, the writing on the wall, penned notes not written in ink. handfuls of sand.  old seashells in buckets that sit on the shelf and have no meaning. buttons unbuttoned and buttons no more, ends that don't meet, weak links in the chain, projection, resistance, transference, expectations, both mine and those of others. misconceptions. labels, diagnoses. bruises that bloom like wilted roses and stain your skin, pounded flat. scars that fade and scars that won't, scars you see and scars you don't. lock-back b

better on your floor than ever in my bed

b

better on your floor than ever in my bed

i have not slept well without the aid of sedatives since you left. the dreams are screamers that set my lungs on fire and burn my body to bones and when i wake up, it is in a bed of ashes and i am alone to rebuild. i am not a phoenix and i cannot live on smoke. the drugs, they dampen the ground beneath my feet, the air is thick with the tension before a storm that never comes, and i choke on every breath and wake from drowning without remembering the struggle.  the memories elude me.  the forgetting is, in a way, worse. you used to be able to beat down the blaze, to pull me from the fire-pit before i settled in for the night.  you used to
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del otro mundo

d

del otro mundo

Home is where the heart is, tu madre siempre te decía, porque en tu casa, eres querida. When in Rome, tu padre siempre te aconsejaba, porque en tu casa, la familia tiene estándares para mantener. Pero a veces, home al caso ser Rome, para todo el consuelo te ofrece, y a veces, misplace y displace se parecen como escalas de gris en un mundo de blanco y negro. Si el hogar es donde vive el corazón, dime donde tú en cajas– tu madre, que te enseñó abrir la mente y el corazón, nunca te alertó contra de los riesgos de dar de tú misma demasiado libremente. Sabes donde está tu corazón tan

things of which i have learned to let go

t

things of which i have learned to let go

my past with you and the future i'll never have with you, and the recoil of a shotgun. the trigger. cordite, copper, basil, beer, words, the writing on the wall, penned notes not written in ink. handfuls of sand.  old seashells in buckets that sit on the shelf and have no meaning. buttons unbuttoned and buttons no more, ends that don't meet, weak links in the chain, projection, resistance, transference, expectations, both mine and those of others. misconceptions. labels, diagnoses. bruises that bloom like wilted roses and stain your skin, pounded flat. scars that fade and scars that won't, scars you see and scars you don't. lock-back b

better on your floor than ever in my bed

b

better on your floor than ever in my bed

i have not slept well without the aid of sedatives since you left. the dreams are screamers that set my lungs on fire and burn my body to bones and when i wake up, it is in a bed of ashes and i am alone to rebuild. i am not a phoenix and i cannot live on smoke. the drugs, they dampen the ground beneath my feet, the air is thick with the tension before a storm that never comes, and i choke on every breath and wake from drowning without remembering the struggle.  the memories elude me.  the forgetting is, in a way, worse. you used to be able to beat down the blaze, to pull me from the fire-pit before i settled in for the night.  you used to

Cathie

C

Cathie

Salt-and-pepper hair contrasts sharply with the crisp, starched pillow; bone-thin arms resemble bed rails-- tears in my eyes, the morphine drip in your vein. My inner rage refutes your calm acceptance. You ask if we are waiting for you to die:  no. We are waiting for a miracle, we are waiting for you to heal-- We are waiting for something that will not happen. We are stretching for something that is out of reach. We are holding onto our obsolete hopes, the small fragments of our lives so closely, we cannot see the bigger picture of eternity. In a paradox, God is calling you clearly, but we can't seem to hear His voice-- only the silence ri

Wake-up call

W

Wake-up call

when you're drowning in an ocean of sad thoughts, you don't trip out onto the beach: sooner or later, the waves will sweep you off your feet and you will be unprepared when the waters close over your head. instead, you take a deep breath and say your prayers and you dive in. the quickest way to learn to swim is to have no other choice.

Invocation

I

Invocation

Speak through me, Muse, and sing me the tale Of that girl unskilled in the ways of the world-- The intrepid wanderer, Seeking truth for years on end, Oblivious to the dynamics around her As others talk with their eyes and dance with their words. Many the nights she's lain awake, Living the hurts of her friends, powerless to help. Trying to save the world When she can't even save herself. She wrote dark storms of words And ascertained the deceptive nature of journals. She lied to others and she lied to herself. She learned that sharp words leave scars, Struggling each day to open her eyes And walk toward the light; Yet despite her best inte

Make a Difference #177

Make a Difference #177

Artists join deviantART to share their art and appreciate others. Due to the many artists out there, it's easy to get towed under and generally obscured from the public. Make a Difference aims to do exactly that. This series of articles will hopefully make a difference to you as well as the artists featured weekly. Just by giving one minute of your time to write constructive comments, favourites and even watches will make a difference to these artists. ~BlueColoursOfNature (https://www.deviantart.com/bluecoloursofnature)'s photographs are not only colourful, but beautiful too in both concept and execution! As shown below, BlueColoursOfNature (https://www.deviantart.com/bluecoloursofnature) touches upon a variety of photography
6Comments

Spotlight

del otro mundo

d

del otro mundo

Home is where the heart is, tu madre siempre te decía, porque en tu casa, eres querida. When in Rome, tu padre siempre te aconsejaba, porque en tu casa, la familia tiene estándares para mantener. Pero a veces, home al caso ser Rome, para todo el consuelo te ofrece, y a veces, misplace y displace se parecen como escalas de gris en un mundo de blanco y negro. Si el hogar es donde vive el corazón, dime donde tú en cajas– tu madre, que te enseñó abrir la mente y el corazón, nunca te alertó contra de los riesgos de dar de tú misma demasiado libremente. Sabes donde está tu corazón tan
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Artist // Student
  • United States
  • Deviant for 8 years
  • She / Her
Badges
Paranoid: Wears a tinfoil hat
birthdAy '14: Celebrated DeviantArt's 14th birthday
birthdAy '13: Celebrated lucky birthday #13
birthdAy '10: decade of deviousness
Two Scoops: Exclusive Robert Rodriguez Blackberry Badge
My Bio
"People will kill you over time, and how they'll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases like 'be realistic.'"
--Dylan Moran

Favourite Writers
Markus Zusak, Malcolm Gladwell, Alice Sebold, Haruki Murakami, Charles Seife, Ted Chiang, Chuck Palahniuk, Stieg Larsson, Neil Gaiman
Tools of the Trade
mechanical pencil, ADD, whatever camera is on hand at the moment
Other Interests
Linguistics, early childhood development & education, communication sciences & disorders

Campus ED Support Group -- Thoughts?

Campus ED Support Group -- Thoughts?

Not sure where to start with this subject, but please, if you have a few minutes to spare, I would greatly appreciate it if you could offer me your thoughts or any input you might have on how I should proceed here. Quick recap:  I know that I haven’t been very active online for a while, much less on dA, but the past few months have been a struggle for me in a number of ways.  The biggest change is I started university in the fall; in the past 6 months, I’ve moved out of state and have been adjusting to dorm housing, the distance from family and friends, a different academic environment, and an entirely unfamiliar community.  Alth
I'm still in shock over the Daily Deviation--special thanks to the generosity of :devSilverInkblot: and :devIrrevocableFate:!  I can't tell you how much it means to me.

Hiatus

Hiatus

I realize that I've been inactive lately, and although I miss the community at dA, I'm taking some time right now to get my life in order.  Things are rough right now, but I hope I'll be back soon. Take care, bekah

Comments 641

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:woohoo: :party: :iconcakelickplz: !!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!! :iconcakelickplz: :party: :woohoo:


It's December 27th which means it's that time of the year again and your special day is here! We hope you have an awesome day with lots of birthday fun, gifts, happiness and most definitely, lots of cake! Here's to another year!


Many well wishes and love from your friendly birthdays team :love: 


---

Birthdays Team

This birthday greeting was brought to you by: GazSpaz :la: 

F2U: Black Neko Blob IconF2U: Purple Pink Pop Neko Blob IconF2U: Bright Orange Neko Blob IconF2U: Greenish Neko Blob IconF2U: Pink Neko Blob IconF2U: Tangerine Neko Blob IconF2U: Baby Pink Neko Blob IconF2U: Snow Blue Neko Blob IconF2U: Light Purple Neko Blob IconF2U: Glowing Blue Neko Blob IconF2U: White Neko Blob Icon F2U: Black Neko Blob Icon 
 Scalpel (Left)Tini EyeEyesTini EyeEyesTini EyeEyesTini EyeEyesTini EyeEyesTini EyeEyesTini EyeEyesTini EyeTini Vintage Syringe
       bunch of smiley facesbunch of smiley facesbunch of smiley facesbunch of smiley facesbunch of smiley faces SCP 035 Icon [F2U]bunch of smiley facesbunch of smiley facesbunch of smiley facesbunch of smiley facesbunch of smiley faces
       bunch of smiley facesbunch of smiley facesTini Cleaver (Right)  Tini Preserved Heart Moving Eye Ball Cup Cake 50x50 icon  Broken Heart  Moving Eye Ball Cup Cake 50x50 icon  Tini Preserved Heart Tini Cleaver (Left)bunch of smiley facesbunch of smiley faces
       bunch of smiley facesPill Avatar  Moving Eyeballs Cake Type 2 50x50 icon      Shuddering Letter: H Shuddering Letter: A Shuddering Letter: P Shuddering Letter: P Shuddering Letter: Y      Moving Eyeballs Cake Type 2 50x50 icon Popsicle bunch of smiley faces
   Gothic LampMoving Eyeballs Tower Cake 50x50 icon  Blue Eye  Shuddering Letter: B Shuddering Letter: I Shuddering Letter: R Shuddering Letter: T Shuddering Letter: H Shuddering Letter: D Shuddering Letter: A Shuddering Letter: Y  Pastel Purple Eye Moving Eyeballs Tower Cake 50x50 iconGothic Lamp 
Tini Vintage Syringe leftTini EyeEyesTini EyeEyesTini EyeEyesTini EyeEyesTini EyeEyesTini EyeEyesTini EyeEyesTini EyeScalpel (Right)
F2U: Black Neko Blob IconF2U: Purple Pink Pop Neko Blob IconF2U: Bright Orange Neko Blob IconF2U: Greenish Neko Blob IconF2U: Pink Neko Blob IconF2U: Tangerine Neko Blob IconF2U: Baby Pink Neko Blob IconF2U: Snow Blue Neko Blob IconF2U: Light Purple Neko Blob IconF2U: Glowing Blue Neko Blob IconF2U: White Neko Blob Icon F2U: Black Neko Blob Icon 
:woohoo: :party: :iconcakelickplz: !!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!! :iconcakelickplz: :party: :woohoo:

On behalf of the birthdays team, I sincerely apologize that your greeting has arrived late.

We hope you had an awesome day with lots of birthday fun, gifts, happiness and most definitely, lots of cake! Here's to another year!

Many well wishes and love from your friendly birthdays team :love:

---
Birthdays Team
This birthday greeting was brought to you by: KoudelkaW
Happy birthday! :D
candlescandlescandlescandlescandlescandlescandlescandles
 Pixel Icon: Broken Ink Heart (F2U!)Eye BnW 01Eye BnW 02Eye BnW 03Eye BnW 01Eye BnW 02Eye BnW 03Eye BnW 01Eye BnW 02Eye BnW 03Eye BnW 01Eye BnW 02Eye BnW 03Eye BnW 01Eye BnW 02Eye BnW 03Eye BnW 01Eye BnW 02Eye BnW 03Eye BnW 01Eye BnW 02Eye BnW 03Eye BnW 01Pixel Icon: Broken Ink Heart (F2U!) 
     bunch of smiley facesbunch of smiley facesbunch of smiley facesbunch of smiley facesbunch of smiley facesbunch of smiley facesbunch of smiley facesbunch of smiley facesbunch of smiley facesbunch of smiley faces
bunch of smiley faces
     bunch of smiley facesbunch of smiley faceslittle demon left [f2u]
Bendy the Dancin' lil Devil IconMoving Eye Ball Cup Cake 50x50 iconHeart 3DMoving Eye Ball Cup Cake 50x50 iconBendy the Dancin' lil Devil Iconlittle demon right [f2u]bunch of smiley facesbunch of smiley faces
     bunch of smiley faceslittle demon 2 left [f2u]Moving Eyeballs Cake Type 2 50x50 icon 
Virtual Retro LED - HVirtual Retro LED - AVirtual Retro LED - PVirtual Retro LED - PVirtual Retro LED - YMoving Eyeballs Cake Type 2 50x50 iconlittle demon 2 right [f2u]bunch of smiley faces
Fireball PixelMoving Eyeballs Cake 50x50 iconVirtual Retro LED - BVirtual Retro LED - IVirtual Retro LED - RVirtual Retro LED - TVirtual Retro LED - HVirtual Retro LED - DVirtual Retro LED - AVirtual Retro LED - YMoving Eyeballs Cake 50x50 iconFireball Pixel 
 Pixel Icon: Broken Ink Heart (F2U!)Eye BnW 01Eye BnW 03Eye BnW 02Eye BnW 01Eye BnW 03Eye BnW 02Eye BnW 01Eye BnW 03Eye BnW 02Eye BnW 01Eye BnW 03Eye BnW 02Eye BnW 01Eye BnW 03Eye BnW 02Eye BnW 01Eye BnW 03Eye BnW 02Eye BnW 01Eye BnW 03Eye BnW 01Eye BnW 02Pixel Icon: Broken Ink Heart (F2U!)
candlescandlescandlescandlescandlescandlescandlescandles 
                                                       Rainbow Letter: S (Static) Rainbow Letter: E (Static) Rainbow Letter: L (Static) Rainbow Letter E (Animated) Rainbow Letter: C (animated) Rainbow Letter: T (Static)    Rainbow Letter: A (Static)    Rainbow Letter: G (Static) Rainbow Letter: I (Static) Rainbow Letter: F (Static) Rainbow Letter: T (Static)
First Gift             Second Gift                 Third Gift                  Fourth Gift                Fifth Gift
Sixth Gift                                             
Seventh Gift                                               Eighth Gift
Happy birthday! :D
:woohoo: :party: :iconcakelickplz: !!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!! :iconcakelickplz: :party: :woohoo:

On behalf of the birthdays team, I sincerely apologize that your greeting has arrived late.

We hope you had an awesome day with lots of birthday fun, gifts, happiness and most definitely, lots of cake!

Many well wishes and love from your friendly birthdays team :love:

---
Birthdays Team
This birthday greeting was brought to you by: KoudelkaW