i'm not going to make this small texted so you can read this.
i'm going to be taking a very long break from da and other sites. for myself.
i've made shitty mistakes, defended those mistakes, cried about those mistakes, and then kept them so dear that i can't let go to the point it hurts me and i get scared and defensive and guilty
i'm not bringing it up for a sob story. so don't think like that.
i've always used lying as a defence mechanism. it's never been something i've wanted, or wanted to use or anything, ya know?
i'm used to having to lie to make myself feel safe, i've been growing up in that since i was a kid. it's not funny, or cute or any of that.
its toxic, i know its toxic. yet its a cycle of sadness and hate and fear i don't know to break. it's hurt me and others around me, ether from
defense or on complete accident.
i get scared, i don't know things will turn out. i fear the out most worst and i want to cry and so i mask my feelings, my life, people around me all because i feel guilty over something i did, when i shouldn't.
i don't want that, i want to handle it properly, and not have to mask my words, i don't want to hide how i feel or what i did anymore, i don't want to be a soft bitch who lies.
i don't want to hurt anyone anymore. i just want everyone to be happy as i am.
i'll be taking a long, long break - not only for myself, but for my mental state, wellbeing, and most importantly, others.
to those who tried to reach out and those who did, i truly, deeply thank you. i did bad things, and even if i tried to run from them, you still tried to help, so thank you
i will try to reach out to find a therapist, and to talk to my parents so i can get better.
before i end this, don't have any other accounts than this one and servicebot100. i mean that with true honesty. i won't be getting on here at all. i don't know for how long.
thank you and see you soon, as a better person.