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Kindness Inspires Me...

Journal Entry: Sun Nov 23, 2014, 2:31 PM


I wanted to make this journal entry to just share a little more about myself. I chose to do this because of a few maybe negative encounters I have had on the website.

And since then, I really appreciate the encouraging comments I have gotten from a few deviants who felt like I should keep doing what I'm doing, i.e being positive, sharing love and kindness and just trying to do a good thing with my art.

I really want to thank :iconsaintseptuagint: and :icondorfal: especially for their encouragement ^^
And I'd also like to give a little shout out to :iconsweet-gem:for being so kind to me during my stay here ^0^

I had signed up for this account a while ago but I have really only been using it a little over a week, so I am very thankful for all of you who have been following my work and leaving kind messages

I want to let you know where my inspiration comes from.

I grew up very poor in the Caribbean and we did not have a lot of basics, like hot or running water, or even a washing machine. Many of my family and friends did not even have indoor plumbing, we used what is known in America as "out houses" it didn't matter if it was raining or 4am in the morning when the bugs were out.

Many times growing up we didn't have enough food, my mother worked very hard to make sure we always had something to eat as did my grandmother, but I remember always being hungry anyway. It actually created a bit of a hoarding mentality I have now where I tend to save food even if I can't eat it just because I am so used to not wasting any at all.

I also grew up with a skin condition known as eczema, it's a pretty common disorder I'm sure you've heard of it, but mine was one of the worst cases ever seen. It was to the point that I was covered in blisters.
I had to be carried, I could not walk or hold things, I would become completely debilitated for weeks at a time, it was painful, itchy, my skin would stick to the sheets and painfully rip, it was terrible.
My doctor actually got a permission slip from my mother to photograph and document my skin during breakouts which she would consult with other doctors, it was even entered into medical books because it was such a terrible case of it, I'm really hoping something has been done by now for anyone who suffered with such a terrible case beyond mine.

When I wasn't breaking out and able to go to school, I was just covered with a rash, my fingers were almost always swollen that I could not hold a pencil, my lips were almost always dark and cracking from the constant breaking out and healing cycles and of course I was very self-conscious at school. (I'm sorry about the gross details)

I became a bit of a class clown when I was younger because really, I just wanted people to stop being so disgusted by me and not to pick on me because of my skin, and so I felt like I could always just try to show I'm just like everyone else by being funny, or making people laugh.
I suppose that's when it started too, a need to make people laugh also meant a need to cheer people up.

As I got a little older, my skin got a little better (currently there is almost no evidence I ever had it) but by my teenage years I had started to become become very introverted and withdrawn, I kept to myself a lot, I drew.

When I was 19 I finally decided I wanted to go to College, then I realized that even then that was going to be  a struggle,"You'll never make any money with art, why don't you become a banker or get married?"
I couldn't get any support for going forward with life as an artist, none of the government programs funded anything related to art, no one supported life as an artist beyond just doodling things once in a while, but I was able to come to America and I pursued art anyway even though  my country did not have any courses or financial aid programs to support it.

I tell you all this, not because I want you to feel sorry for me, not at all!
But because I want you to see that I am still a very happy person today.

I look back on my life and I think I persevered through a lot, when I was little because people struggled so much, because I struggled so much, there was always so much anger.

I remember exactly where I was when I decided one day that I feel terrible after being so angry, that I need to always reflect on what good things I DO have and always be kind to someone else. When I was so angry and someone was kind to me, or I had a terrible day and someone just gave me a compliment, it really made me feel so much better, even if it was a total stranger.
 
I'm not saying sometimes I don't get angry, I am not perfect. Nor am I saying that all people are good people, I think all people have the POTENTIAL to be good people, but one still has to be careful not to be taken advantage of, but I just want everyone to remember at the end of the day it's better to just remind myself and others that they have good qualities that make them worth it. No matter how "bad" you think you have it... you don't and YOU ARE WORTH IT.

I am not grown up not to be rich now or anything like that, I am just an average woman, but I am content.
Every day I feel just a little more blessed to have more opportunity and more confidence than I did when I was growing up, and my goal since coming to America has always been to help struggling people some day in a meaningful way because everyone may not have the opportunity to be able to have the freedom to pursue a happier life.
What little I can do through my art is also a good start.

Even if you don't comment on this journal, I hope you take some time to fav it, I hope someone out there will find it helpful if they stumble upon it and read it and I really hope that you will always give yourself a constant reminder that you ARE special you ARE worth it, and to try to always be kind, the world needs it so much! :)

Toodles!♥

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:iconartjuwo:
ARTJUWO Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
I can relate to the hardship! Not an easy way to live with obstacles!
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:iconpukingrainbowsarts:
PukingrainbowsArts Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2015  Professional General Artist
This was so inspirational :love: !

What do you work as now, and what course did you do in university. Did you graduate, may I ask? ^_^
Reply
:iconvectorgurl:
vectorgurl Featured By Owner May 23, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
I am so happy to hear this :) Thank you!

I went to College and graduated to learn art basics yes, like anatomy, but as you can see I don't really apply those basics in my work ehehe xD so I actually taught msself vector art years later and I love it ^^
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:icontabbyangelcake:
TabbyAngelCake Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You poor thing, I hate it when others bully people who are different. I'm 18 and I have a lot of problems due to the bullying I had at school, seeing your lovely art helps me a bit ^^ your so sweet, I love your characters and I'm glad that your ok now after all that Little Pixel Heart 
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:iconvectorgurl:
vectorgurl Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Aw it's ok now :hug: I have definitely grown out of it ^^ But it was definitely interesting when I was young having to go through that
I think it really helped shape me as a person, it's probably why I am so kind to people, you never know how you can effect people by treating them badly - we should always try to treat people with respect and kindness <3
I'm really happy to know you find my art helpful ^^ :hug: and I hope your days of being bullied or anything like that is over and that you are more confident now you will always surely improve too in the future ^^
Reply
:icontabbyangelcake:
TabbyAngelCake Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Well to be honest Ive got a lot of problems still, but yes I agree with you!
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:iconvectorgurl:
vectorgurl Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
Sorry it took so long to see this T_T but yes I hope you find a way to overcome those problems, I know you will - these things take a toll even into adulthood, and it's a shame, but keep your head high, be confident in yourself and re direct your energy to interacting with people who care about you and those wounds will heal over time :hug:
Reply
:icontabbyangelcake:
TabbyAngelCake Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Awww thankyou, that's so sweet 
Reply
:icondorfal:
Dorfal Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You are such an amazing person, do you know that? :) Many times in life, people who suffer hardships can become bitter and indifferent towards everything, but not you! Your perseverance and optimism are absolutely wonderful and I'm happy you keep on doing what you enjoy doing. Just reading this put a huge grin on my face and happiness in my mood. You go girl! :la:
(By the way, I have eczema too, and dear lord, I remember the blistering *still happens to this day*. I heard a lot about bleach baths and oatmeal treatments. Plus, there's a lot of good medicines that soothe the skin when it flares, if you ever want check into that. :3)
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:iconvectorgurl:
vectorgurl Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Aw thank you!!! :) You're too nice :)!
Trust me! I have met those people who are so bitter, it's really a shame, I don't blame them but I wish they could see that it really doesn't help more than it inhibits them from realizing their potential or being able to move forward towards a better goal. I think one can never know what can be accomplished unless they keep trying and try to be as optimistic as possible

Wow! You had the blistering too? Omgosh! Are you in a humid climate by any chance? When I moved to America I moved to a very dry climate and almost immediately I started having changes, now the bleach baths I haven't heard of but I think I have heard of the oatmeal treatment, I used to use something known as "crystals" I'm not sure exactly what it was but you soaked in it and it dyed everything and smelled really strange lol! (it was a dark purple)
I think the official name was potassium permanganate it did help a bit but not too much unfortunately

Currently i don't have crazy flares but something more mild like the oatmeal sounds really nice and soothing :D <3
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:icondorfal:
Dorfal Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Aw, thank you as well! :D You are so sweet! :D
Couldn't have said it any better myself, that was beautifully explained! :iconclapplz:

That's sorta how it is! Mine's season-affected it seems. When the summer season comes around, the eczema (usually mostly on my hands, which stinks) blisters bad, and when the winter season comes around, they dry up and crack. But my mother helps me do medicine treatments with cotton gloves so I can still use my hands. ^^ I've never heard of potassium permanganate before, though. Sounds sciency. :aww: Oatmeal treatments do sound amazing, although I've never got the chance to try them out. :D :hug:
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:iconvectorgurl:
vectorgurl Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
xD

hahah yes, it's very sciency indeed xD Gosh I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy though, and wow I am ALL too aware of the stinky blistered hands!! I have very soft skin now because of it though xD After years of my skin probably expanding and contracting, now they're soft hehe

I really hope yours clears up soon, most people I hear tend to grow out of it :hug:
Reply
:icondorfal:
Dorfal Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
xD I pray that it leaves my hands soft! It would be a wonderful change from paper dry skin, haha.

Aw, thank you very much! :hug: I hope the same for you, if it hasn't cleared up already. :) :huggle:
Reply
:iconsweet-gem:
Sweet-Gem Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
This was absolutely beautiful!Happy cry (Tears of joy) Wow, praise the Lord. I'm so glad that you didn't give up, no matter how the circumstance looked.
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:iconvectorgurl:
vectorgurl Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you so very much! Yes I definitely never gave up! Even among those things there were MANY other things I struggled with, I think staying positive and having faith is a great way to keep striving for better!
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:iconsweet-gem:
Sweet-Gem Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
You are absolutely right!Nod Every person has their own story, which is why it's very important to look at things in a half full way. My mom tells me all the time to be a half full person, and I'm very glad that I've found u. It's so easy to find something to complain about, but staying positive will always make a big difference in your life.
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:iconvectorgurl:
vectorgurl Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Yes, yes! Your mom is so right :hug: I'm so happy you think this way ^^!! It's a great way to look at life :hug:
Reply
:iconsweet-gem:
Sweet-Gem Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Thank you!Hug& you're absolutely right. In church, our pastor would remind us to look at things on the brighter side. Especially, when we all make mistakes.
Reply
:iconvectorgurl:
vectorgurl Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
You have a very good pastor! It is a great thing to teach his congregation these things they're so easy to forget :la:
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:iconsweet-gem:
Sweet-Gem Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
That...is so true, and thank you! & Happy Thanksgiving BTW.:D (Big Grin) 
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:iconvectorgurl:
vectorgurl Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Happy Thanksgiving, luv!! :hug:
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(1 Reply)
:iconmshenkos:
MShenkos Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2014
this was actually inspiring! you went through so much yet you always kept a positive attitude! 
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:iconvectorgurl:
vectorgurl Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you, I am so happy you found it inspiring :) You are great thank you for the encouragement too!
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:iconjiinx097:
jiinx097 Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2014  Student Digital Artist
This is beautiful. :heart: also, I have eczema too! Not as bad as you used to have, obviously but thought I'd share that with you. I'm glad you persevered through all of that, the world needs more optimistic and happier people in it! X3 :hug:
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:iconvectorgurl:
vectorgurl Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
We already have that in common! :hug:  Being negative about life can sometimes be so crushing you can't move forward to make change so I'm always happy to share a little optimism once in a while, thank you for reading! :hug:
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:iconjiinx097:
jiinx097 Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2014  Student Digital Artist
You're welcome! I totally agree with everything you said! And don't worry, I'm an optimist too! :hug:
Reply
:iconvectorgurl:
vectorgurl Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
:hug: :D
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