I wanted to make this journal entry to just share a little more about myself. I chose to do this because of a few maybe negative encounters I have had on the website.
And since then, I really appreciate the encouraging comments I have gotten from a few deviants who felt like I should keep doing what I'm doing, i.e being positive, sharing love and kindness and just trying to do a good thing with my art.
I really want to thank
especially for their encouragement ^^
And I'd also like to give a little shout out to
for being so kind to me during my stay here ^0^
I had signed up for this account a while ago but I have really only been using it a little over a week, so I am very thankful for all of you who have been following my work and leaving kind messages
I want to let you know where my inspiration comes from.
I grew up very poor in the Caribbean and we did not have a lot of basics, like hot or running water, or even a washing machine. Many of my family and friends did not even have indoor plumbing, we used what is known in America as "out houses" it didn't matter if it was raining or 4am in the morning when the bugs were out.
Many times growing up we didn't have enough food, my mother worked very hard to make sure we always had something to eat as did my grandmother, but I remember always being hungry anyway. It actually created a bit of a hoarding mentality I have now where I tend to save food even if I can't eat it just because I am so used to not wasting any at all.
I also grew up with a skin condition known as eczema, it's a pretty common disorder I'm sure you've heard of it, but mine was one of the worst cases ever seen. It was to the point that I was covered in blisters.
I had to be carried, I could not walk or hold things, I would become completely debilitated for weeks at a time, it was painful, itchy, my skin would stick to the sheets and painfully rip, it was terrible.
My doctor actually got a permission slip from my mother to photograph and document my skin during breakouts which she would consult with other doctors, it was even entered into medical books because it was such a terrible case of it, I'm really hoping something has been done by now for anyone who suffered with such a terrible case beyond mine.
When I wasn't breaking out and able to go to school, I was just covered with a rash, my fingers were almost always swollen that I could not hold a pencil, my lips were almost always dark and cracking from the constant breaking out and healing cycles and of course I was very self-conscious at school. (I'm sorry about the gross details)
I became a bit of a class clown when I was younger because really, I just wanted people to stop being so disgusted by me and not to pick on me because of my skin, and so I felt like I could always just try to show I'm just like everyone else by being funny, or making people laugh.
I suppose that's when it started too, a need to make people laugh also meant a need to cheer people up.
As I got a little older, my skin got a little better (currently there is almost no evidence I ever had it) but by my teenage years I had started to become become very introverted and withdrawn, I kept to myself a lot, I drew.
When I was 19 I finally decided I wanted to go to College, then I realized that even then that was going to be a struggle,"You'll never make any money with art, why don't you become a banker or get married?"
I couldn't get any support for going forward with life as an artist, none of the government programs funded anything related to art, no one supported life as an artist beyond just doodling things once in a while, but I was able to come to America and I pursued art anyway even though my country did not have any courses or financial aid programs to support it.
I tell you all this, not because I want you to feel sorry for me, not at all!
But because I want you to see that I am still a very happy person today.
I look back on my life and I think I persevered through a lot, when I was little because people struggled so much, because I struggled so much, there was always so much anger.
I remember exactly where I was when I decided one day that I feel terrible after being so angry, that I need to always reflect on what good things I DO have and always be kind to someone else. When I was so angry and someone was kind to me, or I had a terrible day and someone just gave me a compliment, it really made me feel so much better, even if it was a total stranger.
I'm not saying sometimes I don't get angry, I am not perfect. Nor am I saying that all people are good people, I think all people have the POTENTIAL to be good people, but one still has to be careful not to be taken advantage of, but I just want everyone to remember at the end of the day it's better to just remind myself and others that they have good qualities that make them worth it. No matter how "bad" you think you have it... you don't and YOU ARE WORTH IT.
I am not grown up not to be rich now or anything like that, I am just an average woman, but I am content.
Every day I feel just a little more blessed to have more opportunity and more confidence than I did when I was growing up, and my goal since coming to America has always been to help struggling people some day in a meaningful way because everyone may not have the opportunity to be able to have the freedom to pursue a happier life.
What little I can do through my art is also a good start.
Even if you don't comment on this journal, I hope you take some time to fav it, I hope someone out there will find it helpful if they stumble upon it and read it and I really hope that you will always give yourself a constant reminder that you ARE special you ARE worth it, and to try to always be kind, the world needs it so much!