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The Royal Command Structure

TERRA ALUVIS VOL. 1 OUT NOW: van-syl-production.deviantart.…

FULL VIEW PLEASE!

This is a little information sheet about the command structure within the Realm of Mankind in my story Terra Aluvis.
It explains what Henxians, Lunids, Xornids and Kayranians actually are - and what Sacris actually has to do with them.

The world map of Terra Aluvis: Terra Aluvis - Old Illustrated Map (english) by Van-Syl-Production

Enjoy and share thoughts :) (Smile)

- Nox

I am open for commissions! van-syl-production.deviantart.…

Read extracts: van-syl-production.deviantart.…

Listen to the soundtrack: van-syl-production.deviantart.…

More from Terra Aluvis: van-syl-production.deviantart.…

Shall we dance ...? by Van-Syl-Production The Third Sanctuary of Light by Van-Syl-Production The Master and His Disciple by Van-Syl-Production Rise and Fall by Van-Syl-Production
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Comments2
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phrase-maker's avatar
Hard to know how to critique a piece like this.  The illustrations are very well done and the paper-background effect excellent.  The descriptions of each city are solid if a little cliched.  A phonetic pronunciation would also be helpful - is Xorn 'shorn' or 'ksorn'?  Are there variations of dialect for the names between each part? (e.g. Bayern is "Bavaria" to the English, but also "Bayre" in Alemannic and "Bayan" in Franconian, both dialects spoken within the Freistaat - people differ even within the same geography)

A map would also be handy to help visualise things, given that you describe general directions (is 'Dragon bay connecting the north and the south' of the kingdom?  If so, how can Lun be the center of trade between the north and the south when Xorn is the only one that can navigate it?)

I don't quite get a feel for a story from this set of descriptions - no doubt it's there and obvious to anyone who has enough Deutsch to read the first chapter, but a bit more foregrounding would be helpful to make readers really curious about what's going to happen to these places.
Van-Syl-Production's avatar
Thank you for your detailed feedback!

First of all: there will be phonetic pronounciation one day for all names, since especially the names of the characters are pronounced in a special way. Here: henks, lun, ksorn, kajran
There are dialects, but they don't affect the city names themselves but the spoken language itself and the use of certain character names and special vocabulary that can be quite exotic/foreign.

This information sheet is one of many, it only shows a fragment: here the basic constellation. sure it might sound like cliche, but it works well for the shortness of the sheet. it's up to the point.
I included the world map in the deviation comment now. you can find the map here: van-syl-production.deviantart.…
For people who want to know, what Terra Aluvis is general is, will find information in the "read extracts" category linked in the deviation comment. to understand the story itself better, you might take a look at this information sheet: van-syl-production.deviantart.…
Once again: this sheet is not supposed to give you a feel for the story, it's rather like a dictionary entry for those who follow my illustrations and wonder, what all those strange names are supposed to mean. I could tell you 10 DIN A4 pages solely about one of those Comital Houses immediately, but who would read that? Those detailed descriptions are already written within my story and I don't intend to copy half of my book into the internet.

My terra aluvis story presence here on deviantart has grown from my story illustrations- under each drawing there is a little more information of the world and of the scene and of the characters. many already know through having followed me this far, what the "feeling" is ;)
I know it's not easy for new ones to get into my story, that's why the translation has begun for the English language. unfortunately that's a very expensive thing, so I'm not sure yet how far I can financiate it from my few own money. However - I want to remind you that I'm working all alone on all of this. There is much to do (illustrations, story writing, composition, management, marketing, communication etc) and just few time for it. I do my best in all of this, but for sure I'm not perfect, I'm just one human being.
However, if you want to get a better feel for the story, I can only advise you to go through my illustrations for Terra Aluvis - they speak an international language.

Thank you!