secrets

1.
dear mum,

you secretly want her faults so
you can have something to say
you were like her, you have

something of hers. only
you don't.


2.
dear mum,

i think her faults skipped you
and went straight to me. i
like to collect things i'll

never touch again, collect thoughts
and collect pasts only to
stash them in the cupboard

so i dont open the doors.


3.
dear mum,

its the silences in between
that makes me think of her. and
i think of her everyday

i do i do. i even started
wearing her pocket watch
again because it makes me

feel like im doing something
good.


4.
dear mum,

i know you deserved
the better

half of me

long, long


ago.


5.
dear mum,

remember the days i was
lonely and i was terrible and
i was mean and i was.

i was not your
daughter

then.

i was not i was not and im
sorry, so so sorry.


6.
dear mum,

you dont need to shout for
me to listen. i'll listen

even if you
whisper. even if you

say nothing at all.


i'll listen.


7.
dear mum,

i like to keep secrets and i
guess im like my grandma, like
your mother,

i have her faults and im
secretly sorry, but im

secretly not.

i hang tea towels from their
corners so they lose their
shape and you tell

me not to do that because

it reminds you. it
just

reminds


you.


8.
dear mum,

i still do it anyway.


9.
dear mum,

only you know why i picked
up a camera so many years
ago even though you

dont say it. only you know
why i was silent. only you
know why i stopped talking

for that moment, why i cried

why i


why


10.
dear mum,

todays dads birthday and
you'll be having dinner on your own.

dear mum,

mum,

dear mum,


i miss you and im
sorry. so sorry.

its his birthday on the
same day as yours.


11.
dear mum,

i think i have your faults
in the way that i hope
for tragedies to

happen just so i can cry and
think im crying for a reason

worth crying.


12.
dear mum,

i think i have your
faults. i think i have
them. i think i have them
all. all your faults,

i have them.