ARIES (March 21 - April 19):
The time has come for you to stop holding back. Tell people what you really think and feel. The very next person to give you any kind of hard time you be sure to tell them to fuck themselves. Trust me, people will respect you and your new open attitude.
TAURUS (April 20 - May20):
March sees you making a sizable investment in pistachio futures.
GEMINI (May 21 - June 20):
The 12th of this month sees you going on a distant trip. It will be a wonderful one as well. You are going to experience sights and sounds unlike anything you have ever experienced before. And you wont even need a passport. You might want to be careful though who you purchase the LSD from though.
CANCER (June 21 - July 22):
Be very careful this month. If not, your enemies may discover your fondness for dressing up like Lady Gaga and trolling for kangaroo porn.
LEO (July 23 - August 22):
Starting this month you are going to start losing weig