I lost my friend and friendship is a lie
|6 min read
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ushirin's avatar
By ushirin   |   Watch
0 28 220 (1 Today)
Published: January 31, 2018
yeah, Im not in a good mood and I think I'll stay like this for a long time. I lost my best friend (to me) and Im feeling terrible. He flew to write here to leave some things clear, it will be no problem at all.... I'll not name names or anything, but you my dear watchers and friends will know who its... lets talk because the conversation is long and much has to be clarified
remembering that I will fight to have her friendship again and no ... Im not mad at her, just very hurt
I would like you to understand, dont be haters on both sides because the subject is very sensitive:

why we lost the friendship?
it was something unsustainable, I could not take it anymore! she didnt feel more at ease with me
Im a very easygoing person and easy to deal with. something happened that was no longer pleasing her and out of respect for her person we broke our bond

reasons?!
among them the fact that I was too sensitive and too caring. Im misunderstood by it!
Its sad to know that some people prefer violence than love.
Im crybaby and I cry for nothing, I hurt easily but she knew how to please me or at least she seemed
not that Im weak or submissive.... Im "needy" and this I will explain the motives ahead
and also ... the fact that I see her as a sister!
This is too heavy.

but why did you consider her as a sister?
well, we got the part I wanted to get!
I want all her friends to read this so you can understand
Until then it was only a matter of intimacy between me and her, but I'll leave it public once and for all!
Im good, fuck the world, now! I lost my "sister" or.... my onee-chan and Im feeling bad about it !!
I considered her as my sister and I liked to show this affection among friends very clearly !!
I have suffered a lot in the past, with a lot I mean..... a lot
thanks to it I have had a fast and effective recovery
if you dont know.... Im an orphan!
I lost my parents as a teenager (father, mother and older brother) and I freaked out!
I tried against my life and had to be hospitalized in a asylum for 4 months (because here the long-term hospitalization is prohibited)
I reached the point of deep depression and embraced my momentary madness
thanks to her art I began to detach myself from madness
she met me when I was still depressed

but why did you get to the point of hospitalization?
I was violent and wanted to kill me ...

but how so? Has her art helped you??
she draws my "vibe" which at the time was not something pleasant.
her art made me realize that yes! there are reasons for me to live and how beautiful life can be away from sleeping pills and anti hallucinogens

but is that why you see her as a sister?
I created a bond of friendship with her as soon as I let go of depression
It was the most beautiful thing in the world.
and as I knew my affection and my love grew together ... so I saw her as sister
She was my dear sister, my friend and my confidante too.

Ah, what else?
I was no longer being reciprocated by her
ended up becoming a lie-friend
I always saw her as a sister but she came to see me just as... a good friend
I became a nuisance to her, unfortunately... she never appreciated me (I felt it)
being that in the beginning... she always called me bff or lil sis
suddenly she started calling me by name... and things got totally cold

but who are you upset with?
with her! for not fighting for our friendship and not being able to move a finger for it
with her friends for being ignorant of not understanding
You have managed to destroy my heart!
I lost my friend, my sister, my confidant!
now She hates me...
Are you happy now??

How will it be from now on?
Like I said, Im fucking the world.
I will not be rude to anyone and I will never be, but I'll live for myself without arresting my friends.
I dont want to have other disappointments in life!
I was not valued and people didnt understand me
Im very sweet and affectionate I didnt steal your friend.
now you have them again and enjoy it!!
but if she wants to return to friendship... it will not be the same!
I think most are jumping with joy ....
Im fucking for you.
I lost my best friend who was perfect for me !!
I hope you can understand me !!
the majority who judged me or "confused" are ignorant and understand absolutely nothing of what I felt ... doubts? come and ask me!

well, Im very hurt and I dont know when I'll feel good.
Yesterday I cried horrors and today Im indifferent
I tried to talk to her again and I could not .....
if you read this ... Id like to reconcile, Im not a bad person!

Created at simplydevio.us
ushirin - Pastel Cow and others ushirin's chars by: ushirin
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Comments28
anonymous's avatar
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TBRae's avatar
TBRaeProfessional Digital Artist
i"m so sorry hun. Let me know if there's anything i can do. *gives you a great big hug*
ushirin's avatar
ushirinStudent Traditional Artist
its kay mah luv :huggle: although im still sad about it i think its not nice for someone to bother her with it
(i dont want her to hurt anyone, its not enough what she did to mah heart... it would be very berry painful for me to know that she hurt u too Rae-chan)
like i said, i didnt do anything wrong so its going to "weigh" on her conscience a lil bit
but I am prepared to receive her again ^^

so... thx Rae-chan, i luv u :hug:
TBRae's avatar
TBRaeProfessional Digital Artist
you're welcome. I know its hard in times like this. There's someone i miss like that, but they did nothing but try to make me feel their anger. They bullied me for months after I let them go and I would not wish that on anyone. But I decided that I wasn't going to be like them. I wasn't going to hurt them. I wasn't going to play their games. I wasn't going to be mean or be like them. Sometimes it's okay to take a break from someone and come back. I just wish that they had listened to my request to take a break and maybe none of what they did would have happened. So i'm so proud of you for not wanting to be mean to them. You are a kind and loving friend. :heart:
ushirin's avatar
ushirinStudent Traditional Artist
thx u for being so... wonderful to me Rae-chan rabbit heart emoji  i wish i could give u a hug right now Cute V X Jimin Hug Vmin Smol love FREE flying hearts Icon 
well, i still have a lot of respect for her after all, because its not mah fault i still have her as a very berry dear friend Tiny Heart 
she who no longer wanted mah friendship, began to act strangely and i understand
if she wanted so who am i to oppose... i just want that she be happy and take care of herself pink heart {big} 
but like i said, if she wants to come back to friendship someday... i will always be here for her as im here for all mah other dear sweet friends Bunny Emoji-72 (Kawaii) [V4] 
TBRae's avatar
TBRaeProfessional Digital Artist
aw. :hug: you're so wonderful to me and have been such a strong friend to me on here. It's the least i could do. Again, I'm so proud of you for being so strong. :heart:
ushirin's avatar
ushirinStudent Traditional Artist
awn Rae-chan Anime Emoji (Blushy)  thats very sweet of u Amitie Blush Icon 
ure one of the best amazing and fabulous person ive ever met Bunny Emoji-72 (Kawaii) [V4] 
a very valuable friend, i hope we have a long and beautiful friendship kay?! EXO : ChenKai Hug 
gif by Emoxynha  
TBRae's avatar
TBRaeProfessional Digital Artist
for a very long time lenny~! :heart:
ushirin's avatar
ushirinStudent Traditional Artist
awn Lovely Shoujo Emoji (Huggy Hug) [V2] 
SpiritAmong-Darkness's avatar
SpiritAmong-DarknessHobbyist Traditional Artist
Awww... I'm so sorry comfort emote I hope you are ok
I had that problem with friends too

I know it will hurt bad for a while... but it will be ok :heart: 
ushirin's avatar
ushirinStudent Traditional Artist
its alright
i know this is going to work out
like i said, i just wanted to clarify certain things that some people dont understand
thx u sweetie :huggle:
SpiritAmong-Darkness's avatar
SpiritAmong-DarknessHobbyist Traditional Artist
Oh I see. That is good to know
You're welcome
i got your heart 
Kyanier's avatar
KyanierStudent Digital Artist
O meu pão de mel... eu nem sei oque dizer, sinceramente. Eu só.. sinto muito. Queria poder te ajudar, mas supostamente estou a alguns milhões de km de você, então, por favor, sinta o meu abraço (infelizmente virtual, mas apenas sinta-o). Se tiver qualquer coisinha, qualquer coisinha meesmo, que eu posa fazer pra te ajudar, me avisa, tá bom? Tô torcendo por você e por ela, que se reconciliem e tenham essa amizade-porto seguro denovo. Mais uma vez, se precisar de qualquer coisa, me avise.
ushirin's avatar
ushirinStudent Traditional Artist
difícil porque ela não quer ouvir nada...
então é esperar e acreditar que td dê certo
a culpa não foi minha e tão pouco dela...
são terceiros que se intrometeram num assunto que não cabe á eles :(
Kyanier's avatar
KyanierStudent Digital Artist
Já passei por algumas situações, e é isso mesmo que você tem que fazer. Dá um tempo pra ela pensar, pra vocês duas se recomporem. Quem sabe semana que vem? Por enquanto não pressiona ela, nem fique pensando muito nesse assunto ok? Isso por enquanto só vai te fazer mal. Inspira, expira, e bola pra frente <3
ushirin's avatar
ushirinStudent Traditional Artist
sim sim, darei o tempo necessário pra ela esfriar a cabeça
não é assim que uma amizade de 4/5 anos acaba né?
com certeza ela foi influenciada por alguém, eu conheço ela e ela é incapaz de desconsiderar alguém sem motivos
não quero ficar cutucando ela por enquanto, vou esperar e ver no que vai dar
ain muito obrigada pelo concelho :hugs:
Kyanier's avatar
KyanierStudent Digital Artist
Isso mesmo flor. Tenho minhas amizades, algumas com uma década já. Se tua amizade sobreviveu até agora, ela tem tudo pra continuar!
Nada amore, os friends são pra isso!Hug 
ushirin's avatar
ushirinStudent Traditional Artist
pois é ^^
espero né?!
muito obrigada por me ajudar :hug:
Kyanier's avatar
KyanierStudent Digital Artist
Nada amore, precisando de alguma coisa só avisar sz Hug 
HinataFox790's avatar
HinataFox790Hobbyist General Artist
Oh dear... I am here as a neutral party and you can talk to me if anything. 
ushirin's avatar
ushirinStudent Traditional Artist
thx u so much. Hinata :hug: 
i just wanted her to hear what i have to say
i just want to hear it
because of some people she walked away from me (for sure thats it)
HinataFox790's avatar
HinataFox790Hobbyist General Artist
I'm going to note you something, but I need to figure out how to compose it first.
ushirin's avatar
ushirinStudent Traditional Artist
hard because idk if shes going to see it
but if you want to try... like i said, i dont want to end mah friendship with her like this
completely the most absurd way to end a friendship of 4/5 years, right?
im not having the courage to erase her number and so lil to get rid of the necklace of friendship she gave me a few years ago :(
if i can get a chance to listen to her, just listen to her... this will be great
HinataFox790's avatar
HinataFox790Hobbyist General Artist
Oh no, I meant to you.
OccupieDraws's avatar
: (

It's really painful to hear those things you've suffered.
I'm really sorry you had to face all of those challenges alone in the past...
No one deserves to live that kind of life.


But, i for one know if you endured through those harsh times in the past, i know you can live through this!
I wish you the best of luck.

I hope this helps lighten things up a bit.
anonymous's avatar
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